(Closed) Do you tell someone that their SO is cheating?

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Do you tell someone they've been cheated on?

    Yes, of course! No matter what!!

    No way! Keep your nose out of it!

    Yes---if the couple is only dating or engaged (don't meddle in their marriage!)

    Yes--but only if they are married

    Don't thell them if they have kids

    Tell them only if they have kids

    Tell them only if you really know them well

    Tell them even if you're a stranger (like the girl in the post)

    Don't tell them if it happened only once

  • Post # 77
    Member
    152 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I only would if I really knew one or both of the individuals in the couple.

    I actually know for a fact that this girl who is an ex-roommate of a friend has been cheating on her now husband (who I nor anyone I know has met) since before they were engaged. I’ve pondered sending an anonymous email (his email is listed on his FB), but it’s not my place to meddle.

    Post # 78
    Member
    87 posts
    Worker bee

    100% Yes

    If I had a one night stand and found out the guy was married/engaged/someons boyfriend. I would personaly do everything in my power to ensure that his SO knew what a scum bag he truley was.

    I have to have faith in women that they would do the same for me. I don’t know anyone who has a “What I don’t know can’t hurt me” attitude toawards her relationship.

    Post # 79
    Member
    1063 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    i would want someone to RUN and tell me, even if they just had a clue and weren’t 100% sure. at least i would know what they know and could decide for myself if it made sense or was possible, and i could choose to confront the SO (my choice would be confront immediately! lol).

    Post # 80
    Member
    407 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I’m sorry but too many women won’t listen and it’s not worth the aggravation, for the most part. A person can justify and rationalize anything and I’ve seen women stay with repeated cheaters cause they’re scared to be alone, start over, whatever.

    If it was someone close to me, I would. I have. Several times. Every time they asked the guy, he denied it, that was that. I’m like fine, get AIDS and die, I told you.

    With this last one, a friend’s boyfriend was trying to hook up with my best friend. He sent her all kinds of FB messages asking her to come over when my friend was gone to hook up. My best friend egged it on for the ego trip but never went over. She always made an excuse and he just kept asking. This is the same guy that’s  on FB saying how much he loves my friend and she’s telling him how much of a blessing he is to her. Me? Other than wanting to throw up, I haven’t said a word.

    If I tell my friend, she either won’t believe me or she’s going to forgive him. Then I have to deal with her not wanting to be friends with me and him hating me. Too much drama.

    PS I did a search of cheating fiance/husband and almost every woman that posted came up with excuses for his cheating, stated he was very sorry and/or cried, and how they wanted to work on the relationship. Then the responses, no matter if it was a one time thng or an on-going affair, advises them that people make mistakes ( a 3 week mistake) and not to leave his cheating behind. Freak self-respect, fidelity, loyalty, honor, trust – hold onto your man no matter what cause you don’t deserve better. Sad but it’s the very reason I don’t say anything and the reason so many men cheat.

    Post # 81
    Member
    2 posts
    Wannabee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I think I would tell if I was very close to either the cheater or the one that was cheated on. If I didnt really “know” the persons involved I wouldnt say anything. But it would definitely be a hard decision to make!

    Post # 81
    Member
    589 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I’ve been on both ends of the fence on this one. My Ex and I had a thing once after we broke up and after it happened I found out he was in another relationship. I actually emailed her (didn’t know her personally) and told her what happened. Of course she didn’t believe me but I felt my conscious was clear, I hated the idea of being the “other woman”. 

    The other situation I didn’t tell. A former friend confided in me she was cheating on her SO, who happens to be friends with my Fiance. The worst part was she didn’t feel guilty and said she would probably keep doing it! I told my Fiance about it and we both decided it was better not to say anything. First, we had no proof anything happened, just what this former friend told me. Secondly, I really felt that her SO wouldn’t believe us and since we had no proof it would just start a lot of unneeded drama. Finally, her SO knows how selfish she is and has forgiven this type of self-centred behaviour in the past so if he chooses to be in that sort of relationship we felt it wasn’t any of our business. 

    That being said, I do often doubt the decision and I often wish he would just find out on his own so I wouldn’t feel so guilty keeping it from him. I know its the right decision because it’s not my place to get involved but I can’t help hating being in the position I am in. 

    Post # 83
    Member
    258 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    Bostongrl25:  I actually agree 100% with the very first poster – I would only tell if it was my brother, or one of my cousins.

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