(Closed) Do you tell SO's family you love them?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 31
6699 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

Nope, it just isn’t natural to us. DH’s mum is deceased, and his dad isn’t terribly emotive. I don’t know how much Darling Husband and his dad exchange “I love you’s”. And my mum is reserved, too, and would never say that to someone she wasn’t married or related to. She DOES love DH; she just cannot say it. I say it to my mum and she says it to me (my dad is deceased).

I say it to my kids ALL THE TIME, so they say it very naturally and often by virtue of example. I imagine they won’t have any problem saying to to their ILs in the future if they feel it.

Post # 32
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

It doesn’t feel natural for me to say it. Mother-In-Law has only said it a handful of times to me and to be honest I think it was by accident out of habitual goodbyes. I think I’ve said “love you too” in response maybe once. 

To my SIL though I feel totally comfortable saying it, because I mean it. Her and I are close and say it to each other often, in text or verbally 

Post # 33
1898 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

anon22441 :  I only say it to the people I truly feel it for-His grandparents.

Post # 34
6432 posts
Bee Keeper

anon22441 :  I tell my BILs and SILs, love you bro/sis but that was kind of set up before I married into the family, so we just all do that, but I don’t say love you to my Mother-In-Law because she doesn’t feel like my mom to me, so I just say bye.

Post # 35
49 posts
  • Wedding: August 2017

I say it to my Mother-In-Law that’s about it though. My FH in law though probably will never say it to him though since we only see him about 2 to 4 times a year. Have not said it to my SIL

Post # 36
4229 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I’ll say it BACK to someone, but they have to say it first. I have never been good at saying “I love you” though to ANYBODY…it’s just not my style.

Post # 37
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I only say it if it’s in response to them saying it- we just don’t have that type of relationship and I’m over trying.

Post # 38
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

My family is really big on saying I love you, so it’s very natural to me, but I don’t say to my in-laws and I can’t see myself ever doing it. I don’t love them and we don’t get along at all. It works out though because they’ve never said it to me and I doubt they ever will. 

Post # 39
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I say it to my Future Mother-In-Law, but entirely because he has a very close family and it would hurt her feelings immensely if I didn’t. I’m very fond of her, but my family never says it to each other, so it’s always very weird for me.

Post # 40
1580 posts
Bumble bee

I do, but I usually let Darling Husband say it first and then do the combined, everyone yelling “i love you, bye.” 

So, try it out.  See how it goes.  If we avoid things that make us feel anxious or nervous that thing becomes really really really scary and then we justify our decision to avoid.  To overcome that, we do the thing we’re anxious about until it becomes easy.  If you say it and feel like damn, I am a liar and I don’t have any love for these people, then don’t go on saying it.  But if it’s just your anxiety holding you back, it will be freeing to get past it. 

Post # 41
1356 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

anon22441 :  I completely understand not telling them. I would not either, no matter how much I did. 

I typically only ever say it to my kids, Fiance and nephews, though. On occasion, usually after they say it to me, I might tell other family members (and I have a very close, very large family) but not often. 

Post # 42
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

We say it all the time we’re very close. 

Post # 43
6354 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

Yes, I do.

Post # 44
2407 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

No, I never said it. No time between everyone arguing politics & social issues. and it is worse in an election year.

Post # 45
3875 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

anon22441 :  Sometimes I will say it to DH’s mom, but that’s because in my family, you say “I love you” every time you hang up the phone (even if you’re going to see them in the next ten minutes), every time you depart (even if you are just running down the street to the supermarket), every time you greet one another. That has always been how my family is. We also used to greet our grandparents with a kiss on the cheek every time we saw them (even my brother and grandfather). We always embrace and give a kiss on the cheek if we haven’t seen each other in a while. We are just expressive people, I guess (actually, we’re hells Italian, so I blame that a little, too). 

So, I will say it to DH’s mom, and I suppose I do mean it, but I don’t say it to any of his other family members. I don’t say it to his oldest brother or his family (wife and two sons) because we don’t really know them and it honestly makes me uncomfortable. I don’t say it to his sister because it just doesn’t seem like something she’d be comfortable with. And I definitely don’t say it to his other brother and his wife because they suck and I do not love them. They have a toddler, so I will say “I love you” to her. DH’s family is not close with one another, they all go weeks, if not months, without speaking, they don’t bother to participate in each other’s lives, so I just don’t feel comfortable telling them that I love them. 

Darling Husband tells my family he loves them, though. 

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