(Closed) Do you tell SO's family you love them?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 46
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I do love my in laws but I don’t say it. It just doesn’t come naturally to me, I’m not the sort of person who says it in general anyway. I only say it to my mum, nan, obviously OH and if family kids say it, ill say it back. It’s not that I’m an awful person or I don’t love people, it just doesn’t come naturally to me but my FI’s family are the same really so it’s fine.

Post # 47
Member
1378 posts
Bumble bee

No. I like them alot, I don’t love them. They aren’t an emotionally close family, so I don’t feel emotionally connected to them in that way.

Post # 48
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - historical mansion

I have been in your shoes where they say it to me, and I don’t feel it, but I just say “I love you too” anyway. Seems easier that way. Maybe you will get used to it after a while….

Post # 49
Member
587 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Hm. I’ve never even thought about that. I’ve really only ever had one relationship that got to the point of even meeting his family (current) and I think I’m still learning how to act/be with my SO’s family! Granted it’s been quite some time that I’ve been in the same city as them, but there is a huge cultural difference and language barrier, as well as a religious difference, and I’ve literally never dealt with any of this before, and quite frankly, I really don’t know what his family thinks of me anyhow. He tells me that they like me, but I’ve never had that true ice-breaking moment where I just feel like i ‘know’ them, and can be comfortable enough to just be myself around them. But I’m also a pretty reserved person to begin with, I’d probably just choke and sputter if someone from his fam said that to me I can’t even imagine 

 

Post # 50
Member
395 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

 I’m not close with my FI’s family at all (in fact, there was a huge falling out because they realized I wasn’t like them and they couldn’t handle the fact I had different traditions – it’s almost like a different religion than them) so I definitely don’t tell them I love them. In fact, the likelihood of that happening is slim to none. Do what makes you feel comfortable.

Post # 51
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I’ll say “Love you” if they say it first, but I never initiate. I do the same with my family though, I’m just not a very emotional person. I’ve started saying “we love you” (DH, Dear Daughter, and myself) because it sounds better and it groups us all together so I don’t feel as uncomfortable! 

I do say I love you (all the time lol) to Darling Husband and Dear Daughter, but I love them both unconditionally. 

Post # 52
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’ve never said it to my own family (or had either of my parents ever say it to me) so no fucking chance.

I quite actively dislike most of FI’s family.  He’s got 2 really nice cousins, but that’s it. 

Post # 53
Member
993 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

no, but the future ILs are very uptight and would NEVER EVER EVER say it. I did start hugging them goodbye though and they have finally accepted it and will actually seek out their hug when I’m leaving after dinner etc.

 

Don’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with.

Post # 54
Member
503 posts
Busy bee

If they are talking to myself and my FH, they say “Love you guys” or some variation of that. Other than that, nope. 

 

Post # 55
Member
2126 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’m from one of those families where no one ever says “I love you” to anyone else. It was hard for me to even say it to my ex husband when we were together. However, now I love saying it to my Boyfriend or Best Friend and to my friends (when I really mean it). I haven’t said it to BF’s family yet (and they haven’t said it to me) because I don’t yet feel it. It takes time and should happen (or not) naturally.

Post # 56
Member
2126 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

In fact, I was always taught, “if you have to say ‘I love you’ it means you don’t actually love that person.” Huh? Lol. It doesn’t make sense to me now, but that was the messaging when I was growing up.

My ex Mother-In-Law would tell me she loved me and it was perverse because she actively despised me because I was not the same culture or religion as her.

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