Post # 1
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
Lately I’ve been having a hard time watching other couples who are younger than us taking significant steps in their relationship, including engagement. I don’t wish them anything bad, I just wish it was us! While dealing with all these feelings, a part of me just wants to be straight up with my SO and tell him that it makes me feel so weird watching those couples. But a part of me says Shut up!!! Is it so bad to tell your SO how hurt you feel watching others get engaged and start their lives? I don’t want to say it as a means of pressuring him, but rather I just want him to know how I’m feeling–especially since I’m so bad at pretending that everything is fabulous. And trust me, I know how petty it is for me to be thinking this way and comparing us to other people–but I just can’t help it!!
Have you bees ever experienced this and did you tell your SO?
Post # 3
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
Ummm yes! But I’m not one to hold things in lol. I think it’s important to share things like that because guys usually have no idea it even affects you.
Post # 4
Member
3004 posts
Sugar bee
While I am engaged, I do struggle with these feelings a little still. I was thinking the other day about a couple I know who is two and three years younger than me possibly getting married. IT makes me think about all the time I could’ve had with Fiance but then I realize we have our whole lives. to spend together 🙂
Post # 5
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
@MrsCoachBtoBee: I’m right with you, since I can’t hold such things in either–at least not for too long that is. And I agree that guys don’t have any idea how we might feel in such situations, since they definitely don’t feel that way when another couple gets engaged, etc. I’m thinking of just nicely telling him about how strange it feels for me and that I’m doing my best to just accept that everyone has different timing, but it’s just so hard for me to watch!
Post # 6
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
@SweetRose2011: I know that feeling of “lost time”…it makes me sad to think about it so I try not to focus on it too much. I think I’m just reaching my limit in terms of waiting
Post # 7
Member
3004 posts
Sugar bee
@Shirinjoon:have you guys talked about getting married or looking at rings any time soon?
Post # 8
Member
3135 posts
Sugar bee
I didn’t ever have to experience an egagement, but I did have to experience a wedding.
I just said… awe this is so purdy. I can’t wait until its us getting married!
But I wanted to say.. when the heck is this gonna be us? But I bit my tongue lol
Post # 9
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
@Shirinjoon: That’s what I did! i mean, there are people who have met, dated, gotten engaged and married all in the time before we even got engaged so that was REALLY hard. I didn’t understand what was “wrong” and the reality was neither of us were ready for it, emotionally or financially. I am now so glad we waited a little bit longer so we will be getting married at a more stable time in our lives. We’re even having a long engagement, which I wanted. But that certainly didn’t stop me from complaining…:)
Post # 10
Member
3004 posts
Sugar bee
@Shirinjoon:I also wanted to point out that some people rush their weddings and they aren’t as ready as you might be when you get engaged because you’ve been through more and been together longer.
Post # 11
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
@SweetRose2011: Well, I’m not sure if you looked at my earlier posts but basically after a HUGE discussion he promised me that we’d get engaged this summer (around July). We’ve been together 5 years and we’re both 30 so he knows that I’m tired of waiting around. So we’ll see if he follows through. I trust him so hopefully he will.
Post # 12
Member
1367 posts
Bumble bee
I feel you. It’s so easy to feel jealous of people who have/get something that you have been wanting so badly. You don’t need to feel bad about it. It’s natural I’d say.
In terms of if I’d express that kind of petty feeling, I DO! It’s just my nature to say what’s on my mind. I can even tell my best girlfriend that I’m jealous of that girl and this girl getting engaged blah. I know it’s ridiculous but it’s not like you’re attacking people. I don’t want to stress over “Oh I’m not supposed to say this It’s not cool” kind of logic. Maybe I’m lucky, but my bf don’t care when I tell him how I’m feeling in situations like that. He is well aware of my feelings.
Having said that, I think it depends on how your guy generally handle your emotions and talking about the subject, and you should probably act accordingly.
Post # 13
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
I figure it doesn’t hurt to be totally honest about my feelings when I watch these other couples get engaged. At this point I dont care if he takes it the wrong way or feels pressured. I think we ladies are WAY too nice about our guys not feeling pressured. I’m so over it!
Post # 14
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
@gramgeek: He is generally very sweet when I bring up how I feel and he always wants to make me feel good. But I do know that when I bring up other couples he just doesn’t get it and thinks there’s no reason why I should feel that way since we are going to get married too (WHEN?????!!). I think a part of him feels threatened when I compare us to others. But whatever, I’m still going to tell him my feelings.
Post # 15
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee
@SweetRose2011: I completely agree on this. It was difficult watching friends meet their spouse, get engaged, and married before us. I remember being really upset about that for us. We ended up getting married 2 years after they did with a much longer dating period. They’ve now been pregnant and had a kid whose almost a year old. When we first got married, I wasn’t gung ho let’s get pregnant, now I am as we’re approaching 2 years married. Just remember to focus on your relationship and your needs. Every relationship is different and looks alot different from the inside as well. My best friend married before me and it surprised me. I thought for sure I would be married before her. From what I know of her relationship, hers is a lot from mine and she’s got her own set of challenges to deal with. Just because they married before us, doesn’t mean that their relationship isn’t any easier or more magical than ours.
Post # 16
Member
5517 posts
Bee Keeper
- Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France
awwwww I totally know how you feel…SO’s friend met his Girlfriend a year after we met and already moved in together and he thinks he is going to propose. I’m like oh wtf, am I supposed to be happy?! In the words of Jan Brady, marsha marsha marsha ! :-/.. all I managed to say to SO was..’wow’….lol its natural! (we all hope)