(Closed) Do you think 50 shades of grey is abusive?

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Do you think the topic is abusive?

    yes

    no

    on the fence

    other

  • Post # 31
    Member
    1284 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    The difference between the rape portrayal in Game of Thrones and in Fifty Shades of Grey is that the rape scenes in Game of Thrones aren’t skewed as romantic. No one is glorifying those relationships, unlike Fifty Shades.

    Post # 32
    Member
    1784 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    View original reply
    lovelyheart:  I think the difference is 50 Shades portrays it as twu wuv, and AHS and GoT tend to be more full of terrible people doing terrible things and everyone knows they’re terrible. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    6361 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I’m torn. There are certainly more than a few elements that are abusive. On the other hand, I’m not convinced that Ana is entirely the innocent victim. She knows what she’s getting into, and chooses to of her own volition. I don’t personally see much coercion. I also think that Christian is very damaged, and Ana is quite pushy wanting to know about his past (some scenes where she is adamant he tells her make me just as uncomfortable as scenes where Christian is depicted as being controlling), and also has a jealous streak. I also felt in the scene at the end of the first book that she was almost ‘testing’ him; like she wanted him to stop even though she didn’t use the safe word. Also, it IS fantasy/fiction;I get off on BDSM and non-consent fiction that is MUCH more hardcore and abusive than anything in Fifty Shades (which I found laughably tame, that doesn’t mean that I want to be raped/engage in BDSM. I just find the fantasy of it a turn-on, and I do think that’s important to remember with a book like this. In that sense,I’m unconvinced whether it being abusive or not has any relevance. Basically, I’m torn. 

    I’ve only read the first book though so my comments are based on that.

    Post # 34
    Member
    1939 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2018 - City, State

    The first thing I thought when I finished be book was that he was incredibly abusive and the book made me uncomfortable.

    Post # 35
    Member
    442 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - Tybee Island, GA

    I dont think it’s abusive….<br />But the books are poorly written! I bought the trilogy and got an hour into the first book and couldnt finish it… it was the longest hour of my life that i wish i could have back!!! I ended up just giving all three books away! I will not be on the banwagon for this one to see the movie…

    Post # 36
    Member
    399 posts
    Helper bee

    He’s definitely abusive and the series is a misrepresentation of bdsm. Does that mean its wrong to enjoy it? No. One of the top female fantasies is rape. Does that mean rape is ok? No. 

    It bothers me that people won’t acknowledge that his behavior is in fact problematic. It doesn’t mean you are wrong to enjoy it, sexy literature is just for fun afterall.

    Post # 37
    Member
    3064 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    View original reply
    LePetitChatNoir:  OMG the book was HORRENDOUS. Like, I couldnt get past the writing. It was like a 13 yo wrote it, I can’t believe it got published.

    It was based off Twilight Fan Fiction, as an FYI so one horrible book based off another horrible book

    Yes parts of the book are emotionally abusive. 

    Yes I will be getting drunk with my girlfriends and seeing it just like we did with Twilight. I’ve heard that some parts of the dialogue in the movie are so bad people in the theater for pre screening  were laughing. I can’t wait

    Post # 38
    Member
    553 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    A social media friend shared this 

    Sums it up perfectly

     

    Post # 39
    Member
    9541 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    It’s an erotic novel. Not a relationship how-to book (or a BDSM how-to book for that matter). If you enjoy it and it turns you on – read it! Maybe it’ll spice up your own sex life a bit. If you don’t enjoy it and it makes you sick – don’t read it! And if you haven’t read it – don’t try to draw conclusions from cherry-picked lines. 

    I’ve read them all. I agree the writing is mostly terrible. I especially hated the overuse of the word “murmur”. But there are lots and lots of books with crappy writing out there. I thought most of the sex scenes were good, and that’s why I read. I’ll probably end up seeing the movies at some point, but I’m not getting my hopes up. 

    As for abuse – sure it toys with those themes. That’s the whole point. He’s a controlling ass. Would I ever date a guy like him? Hell no! But I wouldn’t date Heathcliff or Gatsby or Romeo or hundreds of other leading men either! This kind of writing isn’t new! For those getting all worked up – trust me, there is way more hard core erotica out there in the non-consentual world. Are you trying to dictate what people can find sexy? Or is that stuff okay, so long as it doesn’t get popular? Personally, I’m not into non-consent erotica and I didn’t think the sex scenes in 50 shades really crossed the line, for me.

    The book is obviously highly fantastized. These are not real people. Both with the extreme wealth and the extreme sexual responce. A tiny fraction of women can orgasm from nipple stimulation. I’m sure as hell not one of them. It’s still sexy to read about, so long as I don’t bringing those expectations home. It’s a vapid, sexy novel. So long as you leave it at that, if can be a fun read.

    ETA: And for the poster who said No means Rape – that’s not always true in BDSM scenarios where you may have previously agreed that “no” doesn’t really mean no and there is a different safe word – lots of people do this consentually and it is clearly discussed before hand. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    8482 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I’m a big reader and go through books like crazy, but I could barely finish it (and didnt bother with the sequels.) Its not well written at all, and it just sucks all around. 

    I think its more mentally abusive than physical, but mental abuse can be just as damaging. There are several times in it where the character even mentioned that she wasnt comfortable with what he was doing/saying, and I believe several times she even mentioned that she was frightened of him. That’s not good in a “normal” relationship, let alone a BDSM relationship where trust and respect are so needed. 

    Now from a fantasy point of view, I would be able to tolerate it (if it was well written.) I’ve actually read several stories (mostly fan fiction 😛 ) that dealt with rape and abuse and I didnt have a problem with those because you could tell the author was no in any way condoning it. But with the 50 shades books, women seem to think that Christian in the perfect man. Like they’d just love to have a boyfriend who stalks you, forces you to have sex when you say no, tries to masturbate you under the table at a family dinner, gets mad when you say no and then tells you that your body belongs to him. 

    Post # 41
    Member
    2959 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

    I’m so surprised people get worked up over something as dumb as 50 Shades of Grey. Some woman put a dirty sex spin on her Twilight fan fiction because it made her hot, big whoop. I will admit that I have read all of the books, and they basically made me laugh. 

    I am going to go see it in theaters, because it seems to be the thing to do, and I don’t want to get my vagina revoked :p

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 4 months ago by Profile Photo whoa_its_ash.
    Post # 42
    Member
    2256 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    poetgal:  The question was misleading. The TOPIC is not inherently abusive. The way she WRITES it is. I will never read the books, see the movies, or buy into it. So, so bad and reenforces abusive behaviors and tells women it’s ok.

    Post # 43
    Member
    1222 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    View original reply
    lovelyheart:  

    I guess to me the difference in GoT is that the numerous acts of rape in the books are portrayed as blatant rape- a terrible, evil act, whereas the abuse in Grey is romanticized and seen as something to desire — think of all the young women who ooohed and awwed over the “romantic” relationship in Twilight (which is really abusive too).

    Post # 44
    Member
    2493 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    I read part of it but had to stop because the writing is just SO BAD. I will not be seeing the movie unless it has Mystery Science Theater RiffTrax. That was the only way I could watch Twilight haha

    It sounds like the writer has some sort of rape fantasy… I’m hoping if people start partaking in BDSM due the this book, that it is in a healthy and safe way.

    Post # 45
    Member
    575 posts
    Busy bee

    Not following safe BDSM practices = abuse. ESPECIALLY with a newbie partner. End of story.

    The reason people get all bothered about “just a stupid book” is because there are genuinely people out there who’s ONLY exposure to the BDSM lifestyle is this book, and who may then think that this is the acceptable way to behave. 

    The topic ‘Do you think 50 shades of grey is abusive?’ is closed to new replies.

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