- 4 years ago
Hi fellow Bees, both those who are waiting and those who are already engaged/married. I’ve been thinking since reading another thread, because I realized that most everyone I’ve seen posting here advocates very strongly in favor of a timeline.
I’ve somewhat had to resign myself to the fact that I won’t ever get much of a timeline. My boyfriend and I have been together for a bit over a year, so I did try to start a conversation with him in the hopes of feeling out where he is on certain things. He shut me down almost immediately on moving in together. I said “maybe in the next few months”, and he said “I’m not ready and can’t make any guarantees on when I will be, and I won’t move in until then”. Okay! We’re not on the same page there. He went on to explain that I will probably always be a step ahead of him, and that trying to set a deadline for him will be counterproductive. He does acknowledge that he wants everything from moving in to engagement to marriage, but he doesn’t want to have to constrain himself via a specific timeline. While a large part of me wants to be 100% understanding of his need to get there on his own, the other part is sitting in the back of my mind saying, “But what about you?? You’re almost 30, a grown-ass woman! Don’t you deserve a say?”
I don’t think the lack of a timeline will be a dealbreaker in the long run… but it will probably be painful.
Please share some of your experiences with timelines and how they did/did not work for you. I’m curious to know how people felt with and without them, since my biggest fear is becoming resentful about being left in the dark in a process that should involve me, too.