(Closed) Do You Think a Timeline is a Must?

posted 4 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Is a timeline for major milestones a must?

    Yes, a very specific timeline is a must.

    Yes, but I don't need it to be too specific.

    No, a timeline isn't important.

    Other.

  • Post # 31
    Member
    253 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    View original reply
    theladymarie :  A timeline is essential to me. I couldn’t function without one. I think a timeline discussion is important because it lets you know whether or not you guys are on the same page.

    Another one of the bees previously suggested that each person write out their ideal timeline of how they’d like their relationship to progress, without showing the other, and then compare notes. It can give you a sense of how close you are.

    If his ideal timeline is not at all close to yours, that’s important information to know. Right now, you don’t know at all. You’re just in the dark. 

    Post # 33
    Member
    253 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    View original reply
    theladymarie :  That sounds like a really productive discussion! It’s great that you guys were able to have an open and honest conversation about your needs and wants, and where you both are coming from.

    Post # 34
    Member
    7518 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    It sounds like this went very well! I think you did a great job of articulating why a timeline is important to you. Especially loved this part: “I pointed out that with him taking things at his pace (and his pace being the only one that applies), I have absolutely no room for disagreement or adjustment concerning something that is so important/instrumental in my future.”

    That said, I get soooo effing frustrated with these men whose response is to get angry or feel “hurt” when their gf expresses anxiety about being on the same page. Of COURSE you were worried about not being on the same page…until now he wouldn’t even discuss moving in together. Gah, men.

    Nevertheless, sounds like it was a productive talk. Now you just have to stick to your guns. I would check in with him again after the holidays to see if you’re still on track to move in March 1. But in the meantime just enjoy your relationship!

    Post # 35
    Member
    203 posts
    Helper bee

    I think the key to the whole timeline issue is that it’s not about “setting a deadline for him,” but asking what timeline he is comfortable with.

    I think the purpose of a timeline should be to ease your feelings about waiting, to help you manage your own expectations. It’s not to push your partner to move faster, and that’s probably what he thinks you’re trying to do so he doesn’t want to talk about it.

     

    Edit to say: I read your update. Glad the convo went well 🙂 

    Post # 36
    Member
    28 posts
    Newbee

    @theladymarie. I am more of a planner than my SO and for me an element of timeline is important. when I spoke to him he said he knows he wants to get married but hasn’t given it much thought yet when he wants to get married. I told him that’s fine, but within the next year (we have been together for 2 years) I will want him to open up more about where he sees our future heading. I will be having another discussion with him at some point if he doesn’t give me more of an idea as I don’t want to be hoping to be married by around age 30 and he has no plan in mind at all.

    I would be concerned that your man seems to not even be clear about if he wants marriage, that would concern me more than a timeline.

    Post # 37
    Member
    2550 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I guess I feel like a timeline is kind of arbitrary, because both parties have no way of knowing when they’ll feel ready, and I wouldn’t want to move forward based solely on the date on the calendar. It’s not like planning when to eat dinner, we do that every night, how do you anticipate when you’ll want something you’ve never wanted before?

    I’m more a fan of status of the relationship talks, to see if you’re both on the same page at that particular moment. Open lines of communication and comfort discussing the future was always more important to me than a plan.

    Post # 38
    Member
    39 posts
    Newbee

    I don’t necessarily think the timeline should be all that important. However it is important to discuss which order you’d like to do things and I think one thing that’s extremely important to discuss is whether you want kids and how old you want to be when you have them.

    My boyfriend and I both want to have kids relatively young and he knows I want to be married before having kids (some people don’t). I think if we both weren’t set on having kids young and he wanted me to wait until I was 30 that would be a deal breaker for me. 

    So though, I don’t think a specific timeline is necessary, I think some things are definitely important to discuss.

    Post # 39
    Member
    2117 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    OP, good for you. It sounds like you both handled that in a mature way, taking each other’s feelings and concerns into consideration. That is so much better than wondering when your partner is going to propose, getting angry and frustrated, crying, begging, cajoling, etc. You should never have to beg anyone to be with you, and you deserve to have a say in your future.

     

    Post # 40
    Member
    87 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    View original reply
    theladymarie :  Congrats for agreeing to a timeline that works for both of you. Ideally, you two can check-in periodically, 9 months or a year from now and see if you both still feel the same about timing. Our timeline was blown. It wasn’t okay with me and I’d already decided what to do if our agreement about milestones was broken. Was curious how others have handled similar situations and asked about it here http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/was-your-timeline-busted/.

    It’s something to consider, if timing and being able to plan your life together is important. As reflected in your poll, it doesn’t matter to some.

    Post # 41
    Member
    391 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    My fiancé and I were on the same page within a month of starting to date. We said we would date a year before getting engaged and that was something we could agree with.

    I moved in his house at 6 months and he asked me to marry him at 9 months. My thoughts are to continue to have this conversation every so often. If you are not getting the answer that works for you, then consider leaving. Good luck!

    The topic ‘Do You Think a Timeline is a Must?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors