(Closed) Do you think couples should live together before marriage?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3942 posts
Honey bee

Yes, I would never have considered getting married before living together. My mom actually encouraged it. It was the natural “next step” in our relationship and 4 years later we are going strong ๐Ÿ™‚

It is not for everyone though. My best friend waited until they were married and their relationship has been great.

Post # 4
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

I disagree. I think each couple has to decide what’s best for them.

Darling Husband and I lived together for 6 months before the wedding and it didn’t really affect anything. My opinions on him didn’t change, I didn’t feel worse/better about getting married to him. We didn’t start fighting all the time, nor did it fix any issues we already had.

Post # 5
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think its a good idea.  But then I lived in two relationships that didnt end in happiness.  If I had married either of them before living with them and finding out who they really are, and I would of ended up in a bad relationship that was also difficult to get out of.

And I am also living with my now Fiance.  And we know each others bd habits inside and out, and we don’t care.  You never truly know someone until you have lived with the.

Post # 6
Member
9482 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think it’s a good idea, but don’t think you should have to do so.

Post # 7
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’ve enjoyed my time living with my Fiance, so I lean on the “yes” side. But part of me understands the excitement of moving in together as husband and wife.

Post # 8
Member
11384 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think that should be left up to the couple. I also think it can be very helpful to do so though, so you can get an idea of what its like before marriage.

My husband & I did live together before we got married. We had been living together 9 months when we got married.

 

Post # 9
Member
6247 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

Tough one.

Every couple is different. I think it’s too hard to generalize on such a complicated topic.

Post # 10
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Absolutely! I think its a must.

Post # 12
Hostess
16018 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I also think that it’s up to each couple.

We didn’t believe in living together before marriage, but we were also together for more than six years before we got married. I’d say we knew each other and each other’s habits pretty darn well.

We’ve been living together for about eight months now since the wedding and haven’t fought a single time. It’s more “dream come true” than “nightmare.”

I very much respect those who do want to live together before marriage, but I don’t think it’s fair to claim that you have to live together beforehand, or that you can’t know your significant other without living with them.

Post # 13
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I can’t comment on anyone else relationships, but I like knowing that we are compatible enough to live together. I have friends that I love dearly that I have tried to room with and it was a DISASTER! I would be really upset if the first year of marriage was spent fighting and argueing about dishes, laundry money ectect…

Post # 14
Hostess
11166 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Honestly I am indecisive on this one.

Growing up in a religious household I was taught to not have sex and/or live together before marriage. While the sex thing was out (blame college craziness) I thought I would remain firm on living together. My Fiance believed a couple should live together before marriage and due to financial issues right after graduating I conceded.

I do think for us it was a positive situation and I am thankful for giving in. While my family dissapproved it allowed us to live life as we saw fit while establishing our relationship.

Do I recommend it for everyone? No. Do I think it is necessary? Not really. Like I said it worked for us but I can easily see how it might do damage depending on the relationship.

Post # 15
Member
707 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I say to each his or her own, but Fiance and I will have lived together for 3 years when we get married. I think if we hadn’t beforehand I may have had buyer’s regret and thought, oh crap what did I get myself into?! Just kidding ๐Ÿ™‚ Really, it has been an adjustment for both of us learning each other’s habits, but for us it was the right thing to do for sure.

Post # 16
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I grew up in a religious household and never wanted to live together prior to marriage. When my SO began talking about marriage and the like, he made it clear that living together was very important to him prior to getting engaged. I did not feel super strongly either way, so I agreed that we would when I was financially independant. I’ll be moving in in August ๐Ÿ™‚ 

Anyway, I work in domestic violence. And it sounds super pessimistic, but it’s the reason I now fully believe in living together beforehand. So many of my clients thought their men were great, because it’s a lot easier to hide abusive behaviors when you don’t live together. It wasn’t until they married and moved in that they found out they’d married abusers. Now, I know my SO isn’t an abuser, but the whole thing has just opened my eyes to how much you can learn about someone by living with them.

 

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