- 9 years ago
@bears-bub: “is there any logical reason for waiting until marriage to move in?”
I don’t believe in living together before marriage. I’m not religious (in fact I’m an atheist), so my reasons are logical ones.
*I think living together encourages you to “get stuck” in a relationship which might have ended if you didn’t live together and it was easier to break up. I’ve seen friends get sick of their SO but not break up because it was inconvenient – “he pays half the rent, I have nowhere else to go, moving out is too much hassle” etc.
*I think in many cases, living together delays a proposal. The guy already has a committed live-in relationship and has nothing to gain from proposing, so he doesn’t.
*I think you can learn the important things about someone without living together. I don’t need to know if he drops his socks on the floor etc; that isn’t relevant to my decision to marry him.
*Being married isn’t the same as living together, so I don’t think it’s a fair “trial run”. For one thing, when you’re married you’re committed to each other, whereas when you’re living together you’re still two single people with your own best interests at heart and no guarantees of a future together.
I’m not completely against living together – I think it can be good in some situations, such as:
*Very young couples who are too young to get married but want to experience a committed relationship.
*Couples who are totally committed to each other and the guy still intends to propose fairly quickly even if they live together.
*Engaged couples who are already moving towards commitment.
The one situation in which I do NOT recommend living together is when the woman wants commitment and the guy is dragging his heels. Living together just allows him to have all the benefits of marriage without actually proposing, thereby removing the incentive for him to propose.
As a 30-something woman who’s waiting for a proposal, I feel that moving in with my SO would just encourage him to get comfortable in a live-in relationship and not move it forward by proposing. So in my situation, living together isn’t appropriate as it would probably delay marriage, and at my age I don’t have time for delays!