(Closed) Do you think couples should live together before marriage?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 104
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
@Kate0558:  who says you have to rush into a marriage to live together? there are some who do this and there are some like myself who is in no rush. (we’ll be together 7yrs by the time we marry) so im in no rush.

 

i also like that we can enjoy our space from eachother, something you cant necessarily do living together/married.

 

just like theres couples who live together/playing house who get stuck or complacent with their live in situation, there are live in couples who maintain a healthy relationship in cohabitating.

there are 2 sides to every coin with this topic.

Post # 105
Member
3682 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think it’s up to each individual couple.  

My husband and I were in an LDR for the first few months.  (we were online acquaintances, then friends for a long time before we became a couple)  We wanted to be together, so I moved in with him.  We’ve been together for almost seven years now, and did get married three months ago.  But we were definitely not ready for marriage when we started living together.

Post # 106
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

For me, I’m very glad we’ve lived together before we decided to get married.

I had one long term relationship in which we thought we would get married, we lived together for two months and we broke up. Part of the reason we broke up was because we found out we just didn’t like each other when we lived together.

My fiance and I have lived together for about 6 months now and we did go through a stage where we fought and we went through a stage where we disagreed on EVERYTHING and I’m so glad that we went through that before we get married. 

Post # 107
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I definitely think it’s a good idea to live together first. Life living with your partner is VERY different from living apart.

Post # 108
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think it is very, very important to live together before marriage. People are just not the same when they are sick in the middle of the night (or other unpleasant circumstances) than they are when you meet them for a date and they are dressed up, excited, etc. I lived with my husband for two years before marriage, and it was much different. For us, there wasn’t a deal breaker, but there could have been. Marriage is real not fairytales and rainbows, so what you do before hand should be too. Just my two cents. 

Post # 109
Member
7397 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think it’s important to live together before marriage….and I have a double perspective on it.

Fiance and I have been together for 12 years, lived together for 8, owned our home together for 5, and have been engaged 3 months.

Yes, I will fully support everyone who says that living together pre-engagement can make guys drag their feet on proposing. That was certainly part of the case for us. 

That being said, you definitely learn things about each other when living together. We were together for 4 years before living together and even then it was a HUGE adjustment. We thought we knew everything about each other, oh no we didn’t! Fiance is a HUGE neat freak, where as I can be a mess. He likes to go to bed early, I like to stay up late. In our 12 years together we’ve had some major ups and down. Because we were so intertwined with our living situation we really stuck it out and made it work (like a married couple would) and it made us so much stronger.

I went to a conservative christian college (clearly not for the same reasons as the other students…haha). The norm there is for people to get married right after, or even while still in college, young. Most of my friends there did not live together before marriage and many of them had problems down the road. Sure it worked for some of them, but it didn’t for a lot of them. 

Post # 110
Member
1713 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My worse nightmare would be seeing a very religious woman not move in before and shortly after marriage find out hes very abusive. There are three ways this can go 1 she can leave him and disobey the church who doesnt believe in divorce, 2 she can leave him and be lucky enough her church is ok with it (chances are not as high when a church is that conservative), 3 she can stick to her beliefs and allow the abuse to continue for years and years.

I dont think everyone needs to live together before marriage however it is a great tool in my mind for more reasons than the one stated above.

 

Post # 111
Member
1811 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Fiance and I have been living together for over a year now.  We didn’t move in for a test drive, or for finances, we just couldn’t stand being apart.  When we did live seperately we were back and forth every night over whose house to stay at, and we both had dogs so it was really hard.  We knew right away that we were going to be married some day, and so we just jumped in.  It was the best decision we have ever made.  Our relationship grew even stronger when we started living together.  I don’t think it will take away any excitement after we get married.  We were just as committed to each other the day I moved in as we were the day we got engaged and I don’t think that will change.

Living together has been a really positive experience for us.  I don’t think that a couple HAS to live together before marriage, but I KNOW that it in no way makes the relationship any less special.

Post # 112
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s interesting to see the range of perspectives on this thread. I’m also in the “different strokes for different folks” camp–there’s no one-size-fits-all panacea for a happy marriage.

We lived together first and it worked out really well for us. We moved to a new city together, and we’d never considered moving into two separate places–I don’t even think we could have, because I didn’t have a job for about a month after we moved!

For us, it seemed like the next natural step in our relationship. We knew we wanted to get married and neither of us had any qualms about living together first, so it worked for us. We got engaged a few months after moving in together, and got married over a year later.

I don’t think it made getting married any less “special”…and it was a plus to know about each others’ bad habits/cleanliness/financial behavior. That said, I don’t think it’s a must–we could have found those things out after marriage. We just did what was right for us.

Post # 113
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

This is such a personal decision, and one that differs from couple to couple, although personally I am so thankful that my fiance and I have lived together before marriage. By the time we are married we will have lived together for a year and a half (we were engaged after living together for 8 months) and I can that in that time, we have learned way, way more about each other and our compatibility.

For one, when we moved in together, we moved three states away from our family, friends and hometowns.  Living this far apart from everyone else was a HUGE committment to one another and solidified our relationship.  I wouldn’t recommend for everyone but for us, it definitely made us realize how compatible we are and how strong our love is for each other. 

Marriage for us will be the icing on the cake, and will definitely be no less “special” because of living together beforehand. 

Post # 114
Member
3216 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I don’t like all of these posts where people are saying “it depends on the couple… but any way but my way just won’t work!”  If you’re saying that people who do ___ have better relationships than people who do ____, then you can’t really say “it depends on the couple.”

We aren’t living together until we’re married because we are in an LDR right now. Regardless, my Fiance has seen me gross and sick and sad, has spent days straight with me living in my apartment when he comes to visit, we’ve taken trips and weeklong vacations together.  We were friends for more than a decade before we even dated and I know how he likes his laundry, eggs, and toilet paper. I know the day-to-day version of him– the one who spends the entire day on the couch sometimes and doesn’t shower because we have to get through that season of TV on DVD.  It’s absolutely ridiculous to tell me that my marriage will be weaker than yours because I chose to go to graduate school 5 hours away instead of living with my Fiance.

I think all relationships have just as much potential to do well, whether they cohabitate or not, but it entirely hinges upon a couple’s ability to communicate and problem-solve.  

Post # 115
Member
1447 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I can see how it might work for some people but it wouldn’t work for me.

The topic ‘Do you think couples should live together before marriage?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors