Post # 17
I don’t think you’re reading too much into a lack of reply. I think you should always trust your instincts, so if you think this girl has a crush on your DH then she probably does.
The lack of reply, while could be due to her crush and her now dashed hopes of maybe just maybe one day he would see her as more, I don’t think it is. I think its more feeling hurt that they get told about it after the fact, if the group emails for big news then its not the method o the news, but most likely she is hurt that you and DH never mentioned anything about it before hand.
Post # 18
In my opinion, always go with your gut.
Even if your DH is oblivious to any of this (sometimes men are) maybe she did have a crush on him during their friendship, maybe she still does. I see your point. In which case perhaps she is hurt for multiple reasons. At least she’s still tried to continue to be a good friend to both of you regardless of whatever her feelings are. If what you think is true, it will eventually come out one way or another. Just continue to be observant.
Post # 19
So what if she has a crush on your husband. Stop being catty. He’s “yours”, for all intensive purposes and not “hers”.
As long as she’s not actively pursuing him, who cares?! It sounds to me like she’s a long time friend of “your” husband. Being a gal with a lot of close guy friends, their SOs are often uncomfortable if not down right jealous of time spent around me. Her stating this to you isn’t proof she wants to swoop in on your property. I’ve also often been accused of harbouring feelings for these guys, when this could be further from the truth. The fact this woman has been around for such a long time also suggests she’s way beyond the ‘point of no return’ where no matter even if she wanted to, she could never be in a relationship with your DH. It would just be too awkward and not worth losing the friendship if things go south.
Sounds to me like she’s in shock. She pre-dates you and yet she finds out by e-mail that you’ve married a friend of hers. That’s super cold and personally if I were in her position I’d feel greatly irked. Crush or not, e-mail is such an impersonal way to find out a good friends good news.
Post # 20
You seem very sweet! I don’t think it’s obvious from your post that she has feelings for him, but I do think if your gut is telling you she does, you should probabably trust it. That said, that may not be the reason she didn’t respond. She could just be processing it and/or dealing with some hurt feelings for whatever reason. But please don’t feel guilty about talking to your friends about the big day! And since she’s not overstepping any boundaries, I definitely wouldn’t say anything to her about her potential feelings for your husband. That would be super awkward.
And you’re not being catty!
Post # 21
Wow. If you read my post you would see that I’m being the opposite of catty, but you obviously didn’t. I’m trying not to hurt her feelings because she is my friend. I think maybe reading the post before you respond may have been a better decision. You just wasted your time by replying because your response is not relative.
Post # 23
I agree you’re reading too much into the no-reply. She could just be waiting to reply to you later so she can give you a well thought-out congratulations. Or she could be a little hurt that as a long-time friend, she heard about the wedding in such an impersonal way.
As for her having feelings for your Fiance, it’s possible. You’ve got this gut feeling for a reason. It doesn’t sound like she’s overstepped, so I wouldn’t worry too much about her, just keep an eye on her.
Post # 24
Grrr. Reading comprehension, people. Where on earth did you get that she is being catty? And what are you reading from her email? I hate when people start inserting drama where there was no drama. Congrats on your marriage @nickels:
I agree that this girl might have had a crush on your DH all these years but there is nothing to do about it. She will mention it the next time you see her. Hopefully soon she will have someone as you say she is a very nice lady.
Post # 25
Sounds like you already kind of know the answer to this. As long as she doesn’t cross any lines I wouldn’t worry. Give her some time to process your email, she might just be trying to figure out how to respond.
Post # 26
I did read you post. Plain and simple you wouldn’t have written it if you were 100% fine with this female friend in proximity to you DH.
You are asking for validataion of whether your reservations are normal or not (they are to a marginal point) and whether the bee community thinks her non-response is proof of this.
It’s not outwardly catty but I’m sorry, it is passive-aggressive catty.
Post # 27
Nah girl, you’re not being catty.
Post # 28
Trust your instincts… it sounds like she’s probably had a thing for him for a long time, but knows boundaries and hasn’t been outward about it while he’s been with you. That’s great! As a PP said, we can’t always control our feelings, but we can decide whether we show them and act on them. I do agree that I would be irked if I found out about a good friends wedding via email or text (or even worse, through facebook or something), but that would not prevent me from sending a super excited email/text right back, if not calling, to get details and pictures!! I think it’s a combination of hurt that she wasn’t invited and doesn’t rank highly enough on either of your lists to have been invited, and the final nail in the coffin for her secret crush.
Be excited, gush away, do what you want to about the wedding!! It’s not like you were in her face with the engagement or anything, you have every right to be over the moon excited for your elopement. If history is any indicator, she will listen- probably not say much, if not politely excuse herself from the conversation- and try to save face and not put anyone in an awkward position.
Post # 29
Sounds possible. But, considering she hasn’t done anything I would try and let it go (it would probably kind of annoy me though.) You kind of got to feel bad for the girl! I didn’t get any catty sense from your post at all, for what it’s worth!