(Closed) Do you think friends/family are usually right about SO?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Who had the better insight?
    The girl knew her SO best, and ended up happy : (6 votes)
    7 %
    The relationship ended, to everyone's satisfaction : (71 votes)
    79 %
    Other : (13 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 17
    Member
    522 posts
    Busy bee

    My family has liked my SO since the beginning. However, my very best friend DESPISED him. For no reason really, or if she had one she never mentioned it. My friend and I fought all the time because I was moving forward with my life and SO. We are no longer friends because she was the opposite of supportive in everything I did, and wound up bringing me down rather than making me happy.

    I think that if people have legitimate reasons for disliking your SO, you should listen. Sometimes love is blinding. 

    Post # 18
    Member
    1377 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Depends on their reasons. If their reasons are based on economic/status status, race or religion, then they’re just being snotty. If their reasons are based on his personality, could be legitimate ie a jerk is different from someone who just happens to be quiet. If their reason are based on him treating you poorly…definitely legitimate.

    Post # 19
    Member
    2116 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    geekychinchilla

    i would say 50/50. in my situation with my first boyfriend. everyone told him he was bad news. yeah he was.

    in the same time frame

    My BFF was dating this bad boy older guy who told her he would wait for her to turn 18….. seriously. yeah right. but he did. they got married and had three kids. you never know. i really wanted to tell them that story at their wedding but got cold feet and never did. i think its really cute.

    Post # 21
    Member
    2543 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I’ve seen it go both ways. Undecided

    Post # 22
    Member
    7367 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I think when multiple people have the same impression about a person (based on their own interacations, not gossip) that its more likey theres truth there.

    Post # 23
    Member
    9680 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I think outsiders are outsiders for a reason. Unless I say, “please judge my life and tell me what you think” then chances are I don’t care to hear it. I give other people the same courtesy. 

    Outsiders are not privy to all relationship details and usually only get one side of the story. They have their own motivations and frame of reference. I believe only you know what’s best for you.

    I got engaged after 3 months. I had plenty of people tell me how they felt about that (even though I could care less). People have to make their own decisions and sometimes, mistakes. In my case it wasn’t a mistake but even if it was, it would still be a learning opportunity. 

    Post # 24
    Member
    2196 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I think that love is blind and if a number of people are all saying the same thing, it means they are seeing something that the person in the relationship isn’t seeing themselves.

    Post # 25
    Member
    4045 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    My parents hated my Fiance in the beginning. Granted, they hadn’t even met him yet, but they were throwing all kinds of judgements around. My best friends and my cousin loved him though, so I trusted their judgement.

    So it really depends. Some people’s judgements you can take more seriously than others. My parents? I listened, but ultimately I disagreed with them. I told my best friend though if she EVER saw anything wrong between my Fiance and I that she needs to tell me. She always assured me she thought he was great, and I trusted her opinion more.

    Post # 26
    Member
    285 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I think they are usually right. Let’s face it – they know you. Especially true for the parents. There are a lot of outside factors that could potentially have influence here – like culture, religion etc. I consider these sort of a layer on top. They still matter, but what I am talking about is the fundamental ability of the people closest to you to see you in a relationship and know that there could be a better match.

    I dated a man for 3 years before I met my soon to be husband. I have written a little about our issues before on these boards, but when we broke up there was a resounding sigh of relief from my family and friends. After it happened, everyone told me that they didn’t really think he was that great (this was beyond the usual “you can do better!” breakup consolations) it was more like “Oh yes, we used to talk about this a lot” Really?? I would have appreciated the input.

    Post # 27
    Member
    1998 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    It really depends. Some parents think no man will ever be good enough for their little girl. Some unfortunately think a man’s worth is the same as his bank account. Some parents and friends think a girl could have gotten a better looking man. The list goes on and on and as far as I’m concerned, those are not legitimate concerns. 

    When multiple people (and I’m talking about well meaning ones, not shit stirrers) raise legitimate concerns, I suppose there’s usually some truth to them. But sometimes psychos escape even the most vigilant friends and family. My ex fooled my parents into thinking he was a great guy. Suffice it to say he wasn’t. My oldest brother never liked him though. He never said anything to me but I knew he had a bad feeling about him, I could tell from how he acted around him. He only told me he hated that guy after we broke up. Well, he was totally right about him!  

    Post # 30
    Member
    956 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I think that as long as it isn’t a jealousy thing (he is stealing my baby!) then they are usually right.

    Post # 31
    Member
    13614 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    You don’t have an option for friends and family were right, couple stayed together but miserable!  I voted for other, since in almost every single  case where there was this kind of concern, the couple either ended up divorced or are tragically unhappy to this day.  

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