Post # 1
My Dad started dating my mom when he was 18 And my mom was 16. He has 3 kids from my mom including me. I’m not his biological daughter, but he raised me since I was a baby, which I didn’t even know he wasn’t my “real” dad until I was 8. But I consider him my father 100% as he sees me as his daughter. My two younger brothers are from him. My dad had two kids prior. They lived with their mom and my dad would see them often. But he didn’t raise them 100% the way he raised us. He wasn’t in their lives as much growing up and my brothers and I didn’t have a relationship with them, until now.
My step sister is 32, married with 4 kids. We talk and txt each other everyday and consider each other sisters. We are getting along great. I often feel guilty that my dad raised me and not them, especially considering that I’m not his biological daughter and she is. To us he’s a great father and to them he was a lousy father, which is completely understandable! My dad is trying now, since she lived in Las Vegas for the last 10 years and is now Moved back in town. She’s open to having a relationship with him, which they are and also with his grandchildren. I know my dad feels so guilty that he helps them out with whatever they need.
Now, I’m so happy that she’s in his life and he gets to have a relationship with his grand kids. But she calls him for money all the time. I don’t have a problem with that, but then again, she has a husband. Here’s a few examples of what she ask for, her car breaks down, she asked him for money to get it fix, she needed new eye glasses $500, he pays for her daughters tutor, her daughter calls him for money to go to the movies… She told me that she wants to go back to school, but she might not be able to qualify for financial aid because her husband makes too much. So she’s going to ask our dad to pay for her schooling since he didn’t growing up. I mean, I understand needling help here and there but she does have a husband and the kids do have a father. Shouldn’t he be paying for some of these things?
I know my dad is going to want to pay for my wedding, but I don’t and not expecting to ask him for any money. Mainly because I know he’s paying a lot for his daughter and grand kids. I feel bad taking money from him now. My sister mentioned that she’s kinda jealous because our dad will be apart of my wedding and he wasn’t for hers. But she also mentioned that he offered her money to pay for it but she declined. She also got married in Vegas with a very small group. it was more of an elopement.
Now I understand how she feels because I met my biological dad a few times, but I want nothing to do with him or his family. So in a sence, her and I are the same. But I would never want or need money or anything from my biological Dad. And I don’t blame her for asking our dad for help, but I do feel like its all about money for her and her kids. Am I wrong for feeling this way? What do you think about the situation?
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
It’s icky but if he wants to ease his guilt by forking over cash, it’s his business. It would be different if you thought your dad was mentally incapacitated and unaware of what he’s doing.
Post # 5
Yeah, she could be taking advantage of his guilt to get money from him. If she is, she probably rationalizes it by telling herself, ” Well, he never had to spend any money on me when I was a kid, so why shouldn’t he now?”
But it’s not your problem. Your dad is a grown man and can make his own decisions. They might be bad decisions, but they’re his to make.
Post # 6
I don’t think it’s any of your business if he is getting taken advantaged of or not… unlees he’s 90 and she’s robbing him blind while he’s in the nursing home.
You can’t say anything to him about this. The whole thing is between your mom/dad and your sister. I’d tell you the same thing if it was one of your younger brother’s you were writing about. If you dwell on this, you’re going to poison the relationship between you and your sister. Parent’s give things to different kids based on all kinds of things and you don’t always know what they are, and it’s not your money so you don’t have too.
Post # 7
@echolove: He is a grown man let him make his own decisons with how he makes up to his daughter that he wasn’t there for when she was growing up. Unless its something extreme like buy me a new car and a boob job just stay out of it.
Post # 8
I agree it has crossed the line and she is taking advantage of him and the situation. Following her own logic, he wasn’t there to support her financially in the past, so she wants him to support her financially now. Well, he wasn’t there to support emotionally in the past either…but is she asking for that emotional support now? Or is it really just about the money? It would be good if he could step back a touch on all the money he is giving her but it seems he is trapped. If he says no, she’ll say he’s just like he always was and get angry. If he says yes, he’s satisfied that she is satisfied. It is really his call but that is good of you to acknowledge this for his sake. Have you talked with him about it at all?
Post # 9
I’m not taking it personally or going to get involved. Yes, it bothers me a bit because he pays so much for everyone and it seems like he’s just an ATM to everyone. He’s so out of it most if the time, he’s drinking everyday and he’s depressed. So yes, I am worried about the way he’s handling things. I am not going to bring up the money situation, because yes, he’s a grown man, his decision and his business. But I dont want him to be taken advantage of so much. I Wrote this post just to vent a bit.
Post # 10
You’re probably right. She wants his help and already knows he’ll say yes. If he feels that guilty, she’ll continue to find more and more great things for him to buy.
Post # 11
thank you for understanding and considering my feelings about it. I know they talk but she always tells me she goes to ask dad for money and her daughter calls him for money to go out. Like I said, I don’t blame her but I just don’t want her to use his guilt to get money. Idk, I just see my dad so depress. And it hurts me so much, on top o. Everyone always asking him for money.
Post # 12
It sounds like she is taking advantage of his guilt over not being in her life previously. but, as a pp said, if he wants to assauge his guillt by giving her money, there’s really nothing you can do about it. You could try casually mentioning it to him next time, but I suspect that would just start an argument and achieve nothing.
Post # 13
My ex did the same with his dad. His dad was never there for him while growing up and now he lives directly below him and “allow” (I use the term loosely) for his dad to pay his rent and utilities because he feels entiteld to it since his dad never paid for anything when he was growing up.
She seems to be taking advantage because in her mind, he’s making up for lost time. Even if it’s monetary.
But money can’t buy happiness.