(Closed) Do you think he's being taken advantage of?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

It’s icky but if he wants to ease his guilt by forking over cash, it’s his business. It would be different if you thought your dad was mentally incapacitated and unaware of what he’s doing.

Post # 5
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yeah, she could be taking advantage of his guilt to get money from him. If she is, she probably rationalizes it by telling herself, ” Well, he never had to spend any money on me when I was a kid, so why shouldn’t he now?”

But it’s not your problem. Your dad is a grown man and can make his own decisions. They might be bad decisions, but they’re his to make.

Post # 6
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I don’t think it’s any of your business if he is getting taken advantaged of or not… unlees he’s 90 and she’s robbing him blind while he’s in the nursing home. 

You can’t say anything to him about this.  The whole thing is between your mom/dad and your sister.  I’d tell you the same thing if it was one of your younger brother’s you were writing about.  If you dwell on this, you’re going to poison the relationship between you and your sister.  Parent’s give things to different kids based on all kinds of things and you don’t always know what they are, and it’s not your money so you don’t have too. 

Post # 7
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@echolove:  He is a grown man let him make his own decisons with how he makes up to his daughter that he wasn’t there for when she was growing up. Unless its something extreme like buy me a new car and a boob job just stay out of it.

Post # 8
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I agree it has crossed the line and she is taking advantage of him and the situation. Following her own logic, he wasn’t there to support her financially in the past, so she wants him to support her financially now. Well, he wasn’t there to support emotionally in the past either…but is she asking for that emotional support now? Or is it really just about the money? It would be good if he could step back a touch on all the money he is giving her but it seems he is trapped. If he says no, she’ll say he’s just like he always was and get angry. If he says yes, he’s satisfied that she is satisfied. It is really his call but that is good of you to acknowledge this for his sake. Have you talked with him about it at all?

Post # 10
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You’re probably right.  She wants his help and already knows he’ll say yes.  If he feels that guilty, she’ll continue to find more and more great things for him to buy.

 

Post # 12
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It sounds like she is taking advantage of his guilt over not being in her life previously.  but, as a pp said, if he wants to assauge his guillt by giving her money, there’s really nothing you can do about it. You could try casually mentioning it to him next time, but I suspect that would just start an argument and achieve nothing.

Post # 13
Member
1070 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My ex did the same with his dad. His dad was never there for him while growing up and now he lives directly below him and “allow” (I use the term loosely) for his dad to pay his rent and utilities because he feels entiteld to it since his dad never paid for anything when he was growing up.

She seems to be taking advantage because in her mind, he’s making up for lost time. Even if it’s monetary.

But money can’t buy happiness.

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