(Closed) Do you think he’s just stringing me along

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If he was looking at rings and talking to a friend about rings, he’s serious about marrying you. It sounds like he just doesn’t have a clue about this whole process (esp. if he thought a 14,000 ring was necessary). Women grow up learning these things from other women – and it’s embedded into everything we take in from our culture – but men do not have that experience. How many of the stories they grow up with are about this, versus how many stories geared for girls? Many of them have no idea about any of it outside of what they’ve gotten from male-oriented tv shows and movies, and so they ask their friends, which he has.

You may have to take a stronger hand here. Nagging is bringing up something frequently that has already been determined. You don’t need to nag, you need to have a good, clear, definite conversation. You need to ask him what he needs to know to make this easier for him. If you want an elaborate, surprise proposal, I think you’ll be waiting a veeerrry long time. If you’re happy going ring shopping together and doing the whole process as a couple, you can get somewhere.

 

Post # 4
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

It doesn’t sound to me like he is leading you on. He just sounds like a confused guy. He definitely would not be talking to his buddy about looking for rings and getting married. I totally get being ansy. I’m 28 as well and by this she you know what you want in a man. I told my husband after 1 year of dating that he had 1 year to propose if he was serious about being together. Within 6 months I had my ring! So cheer up and just have faith in him that it will come, even if it isn’t as soon as you would like but he sounds committed to me!

Post # 7
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Could you ask him if he’d be okay with you sending him links to maybe 5 rings you like?  Then he could still surprise you but he’d know your style and what would make you happy.  Giving him guidance and a starting point might be the push he needs!

Post # 8
Member
44 posts
Newbee

He sounds serious about you! Maybe you can send him some idea truth Blue Nile or a Moissonite company if you like moissanites in his budget to make it easier for him

Post # 10
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@killerQueen13:  Reading these and reading your response gives me an idea. 

Put together a Pinterest page of things you love, including rings you love, pictures of weddings you love, and a picture of him with a caption that says that he’s what you love most of all. And leave that up where he can see it. It’s more deliberate than just the whole of wedding-Pinterest-world, which could be daunting. It will give him confidence that he can pick what you’d like, and creates a specific list of things that you can use to communicate about what you each want. 

I knew a girl in college whose boyfriend needed some galvanizing after they’d had their wedding conversations, and she made a little booklet of “What I Love” from things she cut out of magazines, ending in a page with a picture of him. …He took it with him to the jewelry store. 

Post # 11
Member
3297 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

I think the whole process can be really intimidating for the guys. Go easy on him and let him do his thing. πŸ™‚

Post # 12
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@ProfessorGirl:  I like this idea.  I think you need to be more deliberate and proactive with it– he’s not going to know what you like if you just show him tons of pictures of everything or just say “sure, I like princess rings, I like everything!” 

My Fiance got probably 8 pictures from my BFF (now my MOH) and it helped him so much.  He ended up going the custom route to design something and he was still worried I wouldn’t like it! I can’t imagine how he would have felt if he went in blindly!

Post # 13
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think he’s stringing you along, nor do I think you are a lunatic! 

It kind of sounds like he’s confused and just wants things to be done the right way.  I don’t think he’d be researching rings if he didn’t intend to propose.

Is there any way for you to reassure him that your dad approves of him proposing to you (provided your dad does)?  Maybe this will encourage him to ask your dad’s permission.

Also, is there a way that you can show him what kinds of rings you like?  Guys tend to be more visual, so maybe when he sees you try on a more moderately priced e-ring, he’ll realize that he doesn’t have to drop $14K to make you happy. 

If you haven’t gone ring shopping together yet, I’d suggest that you go on your own to figure out what styles you like so that you don’t confuse him even more! 

Post # 14
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I agree with PP in that I think you do need to give him some hints about the style of ring you like. He sounds very anxious to pick the right one!

I also think you should have a serious talk, and get it all out. This will eliminate your need to “nag”. I told Fiance at our 7 year anniversary that if we weren’t engaged by 8 years, there would have to be a really good reason for it. Partway through that final year, we reevaluated the timeline with another big discussion, in which I said recognized that neither of us was quite where we thought we’d be, and by the end of the year would maybe be a more comfortable timeline for him. He took it all in, told me “Ok. By the the end of 2012.”. Three weeks after that chat, he proposes… 3 months before our 8 year anniversary (this was in February, we had our 8 year anniversary 2 days ago).

The point of my little anecdote is that they do listen (most of the time) and it seems like your guy is thinking a lot about it. Help him out by giving some suggestions and have a discussion with him and try coming to a timeline you both agree with. It will reduce your need to nag, and might also allow for the “surprise” to happen a little better if you’re not constantly thinking about it. 

 

 

Post # 16
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I was in a string along relationship and you are not in one, trust me. Maybe when the opportunity comes you can say that he seems stressed and overwhelmed and you want to help him. Show some styles of rings you like. That way he will not feel overwhelmed.

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