(Closed) Do you think he’s just stringing me along

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
3729 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: City, State

First, he is not stringing you along. He is overwhelmed. It happens often.

I get what you are saying about going ring shopping. When we had the engagement talk, my Fiance was honest that he had no idea what he was doing. I asked if it would help him to send him some information about what I liked in a diamond. He said yes, it would be great. I told him the store I liked (Blue nile), the settings, and the stone specs (I said I wanted a round or cushion, VS2, G-H, very good to ideal, at least a carat but no more than 1.5, set in a size 5 1/2 white metal ring of one of the two settings). That made it easier– the choices were between two or three things, not 8 or 9. 

When you narrowed it down the diamond quality ranges that I gave him, and the budget he set himself, that left 5 diamonds. That was easier for him then trying to sort through dozens of rings. He also chatted with one of their gemologists to make sure he got the best of the 5.

Instead of spending 6-8 months researching himself, he bought the ring in a month and had it on my finger 2 weeks later. I got some say (more than I would have liked), but I didn’t know what the ring would look like until it was on my finger (so it was also a surprise). Best of luck!

Post # 20
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

From what I can tell he IS defintiely serious abt marrying you SOON and being engaged even SOONER (obviously!)

The problem with him (which is similar to my DH) is that he has no idea how to proceed. And there is literally NOTHING you can tell him even subtly to make this any easier on him. The guy wants to solve this problem all on his own. It’s not that you are nagging him. I am sure he does not see it as nagging. It’s just that he doesn’t want any unsolicted advice. If he needs help with this, he will ask his guy buddies first over you. After exhausting that option, then he will ask you.

The best you can do is LEAVE HIM ALONE COMPLETELY with this. Do not suggest or ask anything. He WILL figure this out. He needs to figure this out himself. I.e. what kind of ring he will get, how much it should be, where he will get it, how he will ask ur dad, etc. Do NOT make any unsolicited suggestions.

 You saying, “I don’t need an expensive ring. I just need an engagment with the man I love! You could just give me a piece of string and I would be happy with that.” will translate for him as “You can’t afford the ring that you think I want. I can’t trust you to take care of me in  he future to make important decisions like this one.” He knows you don’t want the $14,000 ring. It’s just really weird how sometimes guy think abt such things which are only ‘natural’ to us women. He will figure it out if left alone and given the time to de-confuse himself.

I know it’s hard to keep yer trap shut (been there done thatEmbarassed) when you are in the position you are in, but try, TRY please. It will be worth it in the end. I promise!

Post # 22
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee

@killerQueen13:  “but in my eyes i feel like if this was his plan he could have done all that in advance.. not with just 2 weeks to spare….”

Good point, but it definitely sounds like he wants to marry you. Guys sometimes make the mistake of giving a timeline they can’t quite fulfill. Try to be patient, as others have said. Make sure he knows he doesn’t have to spend $14k on a ring & that should calm his discouragement. πŸ™‚

Post # 23
Member
1329 posts
Bumble bee

Aww your guy sounds so cute and sweet. He needs to take you ring shopping…like, pronto. Guys always feel the pressure to buy the big rock and he is scared of hurting your feelings..pinterest is a great idea πŸ™‚

My guy was confused too and I asked him if he wanted to go check out rings to see what I like, with no pressure to buy, but at least he gets an idea..

he was THANKFUL and threw me in the car and ordered a ring we both loved the next week.

 

He just wants to make you happy πŸ™‚

 

 

 

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