Post # 17
First, he is not stringing you along. He is overwhelmed. It happens often.
I get what you are saying about going ring shopping. When we had the engagement talk, my Fiance was honest that he had no idea what he was doing. I asked if it would help him to send him some information about what I liked in a diamond. He said yes, it would be great. I told him the store I liked (Blue nile), the settings, and the stone specs (I said I wanted a round or cushion, VS2, G-H, very good to ideal, at least a carat but no more than 1.5, set in a size 5 1/2 white metal ring of one of the two settings). That made it easier– the choices were between two or three things, not 8 or 9.
When you narrowed it down the diamond quality ranges that I gave him, and the budget he set himself, that left 5 diamonds. That was easier for him then trying to sort through dozens of rings. He also chatted with one of their gemologists to make sure he got the best of the 5.
Instead of spending 6-8 months researching himself, he bought the ring in a month and had it on my finger 2 weeks later. I got some say (more than I would have liked), but I didn’t know what the ring would look like until it was on my finger (so it was also a surprise). Best of luck!
Post # 18
I would just like to say first, what an amazing group of people there are on here! Seriously.. Everyone has been so great to take the time to read my post and write me such hopeful, kind and supportive words!.. I’m seriously feeling the warmth here! Thank you all! 🙂 it’s great to know that he isn’t just stringing me along.. I mean I know it’s got to be hard on the guy to have to put so much thought and planning in to this, but I guess I’ve honestly just been thinking more about wanting it so badly. Im really seeing his side of things a lot more now after reading everything you guys are telling me and all the other blogs on here.. I’m a new bee.. I really should have signed up long ago! 🙂
I think right now I should just rest assure that it will happen, instead of being upset that it hasn’t yet..
I definetly see that he needs some help with the ring, but I also don’t know if I can’t be as direct as to telling him certain kinds I like.. I’m not disagreeing with that advice.. I just personally don’t know if I can be that forward… But maybe I’ll ease in to it ? Like with the idea about Pinterest and making a thingslive over folder or book for him.. I just feel like the pressure is definetly on! 🙂 lol.. And I don’t want to pressure him more.. So I think maybe the shuttle hints is a good route to take?
Post # 19
Mystupid iPhone! In that last paragraph I meant to say- making a things I love book or folder on Pinterest and subtle hints.. Not shuttle! I have to start blogging from an actual computer from now on 🙂
Post # 20
From what I can tell he IS defintiely serious abt marrying you SOON and being engaged even SOONER (obviously!)
The problem with him (which is similar to my DH) is that he has no idea how to proceed. And there is literally NOTHING you can tell him even subtly to make this any easier on him. The guy wants to solve this problem all on his own. It’s not that you are nagging him. I am sure he does not see it as nagging. It’s just that he doesn’t want any unsolicted advice. If he needs help with this, he will ask his guy buddies first over you. After exhausting that option, then he will ask you.
The best you can do is LEAVE HIM ALONE COMPLETELY with this. Do not suggest or ask anything. He WILL figure this out. He needs to figure this out himself. I.e. what kind of ring he will get, how much it should be, where he will get it, how he will ask ur dad, etc. Do NOT make any unsolicited suggestions.
You saying, “I don’t need an expensive ring. I just need an engagment with the man I love! You could just give me a piece of string and I would be happy with that.” will translate for him as “You can’t afford the ring that you think I want. I can’t trust you to take care of me in he future to make important decisions like this one.” He knows you don’t want the $14,000 ring. It’s just really weird how sometimes guy think abt such things which are only ‘natural’ to us women. He will figure it out if left alone and given the time to de-confuse himself.
I know it’s hard to keep yer trap shut (been there done that) when you are in the position you are in, but try, TRY please. It will be worth it in the end. I promise!
Post # 21
@Sasha2011~ Ever since joining the Bee’s yesterday, this is honestly the happiest i’ve been for awhile! I’ve just been so bummed out.. thinking that maybe everything my SO has been saying has just been all talk… so THANK YOU!! Thank you all!
I have made the decission to definetly just leave him alone about it all.. I’m just going to be happy about where we are, and how great our relationship is… being bummed out about something that i can’t control has been showing on my face for some time now.. and that’s only going to hurt our relationship.. so i’m taking all of the advice you wonderful ladies have been giving me and i’m going to just focus on myself and enjoy the ride!
I’m sure he’ll figure it out, and he knows me so well, and he knows my taste, He’s been buying me clothes and jewelery for birthdays and holidays for awhile now and i always LOVE pretty much everything he picks out! (pretty much everything, haha 😉 and i would/(will) be happy with whatever he chooses!
He did mention to me on our last trip that he would maybe ask his Married friend to help him out.. (this is when he was talking about the $14,000 ring, and i told him that was nuts and he didn;t have to buy anything that expensive)
it is hard, really hard, to not say anything or bring it up.. as you know too… but i know that this is really for my own benefit as well… I’ve already resisted the urge to since the last time we talked about it.. (on vaca) so i’m making progress
Thank you so much!
Post # 22
@killerQueen13: “but in my eyes i feel like if this was his plan he could have done all that in advance.. not with just 2 weeks to spare….”
Good point, but it definitely sounds like he wants to marry you. Guys sometimes make the mistake of giving a timeline they can’t quite fulfill. Try to be patient, as others have said. Make sure he knows he doesn’t have to spend $14k on a ring & that should calm his discouragement. 🙂
Post # 23
Aww your guy sounds so cute and sweet. He needs to take you ring shopping…like, pronto. Guys always feel the pressure to buy the big rock and he is scared of hurting your feelings..pinterest is a great idea 🙂
My guy was confused too and I asked him if he wanted to go check out rings to see what I like, with no pressure to buy, but at least he gets an idea..
he was THANKFUL and threw me in the car and ordered a ring we both loved the next week.
He just wants to make you happy 🙂
Post # 24
five months: That’s awesome! congrats!! 🙂 Right now i just have to leave him alone and not mention ANYTHING engagement related i think… I’m def. not bringing it up.. at least i know that its on his mind.. maybe not AS MUCH as i’d like it to be… but that’s out of my control… if the day comes and he asks my advice or wants to take me ring shopping then i’m all for it!
Mouse: i did tell him that a $14,000 ring is crazy expensive! so hopefully he knows that i don’t exspect that at all!