- 10 years ago
I used to swing dance a lot in my past… DH is not a dancer and my frequency of dancing has tapered off. This past weekend, DH mentioned wanted to try dancing and that we go to a local dance venue. I almost fell out of my chair and was very excited at the prospect of him learning.
The one thing that’s kept me away from that venue in general is that my ex-BF dances and is usually there. We were together for 7 years. After we broke up, he didn’t want to be friends and we’d only run into each other when I’d go dancing there. At one point in time, we started talking and it was clear he still had feelings for me and I told him that I wasn’t interested. However, he didn’t keep boundaries (started calling me at odd hours, texting me inappropriately). When he wouldn’t stop, a guy friend of mine told me that I should cut off communication because whatever I was doing was giving my ex hope. So, I did. The next time I saw him (at the dancing venue) and he asked me to dance, I declined.
That gave him the message and he stopped communicating (other than a couple different texts to get meet up, which I didn’t respond to).
I saw him once after I got married (without DH) when I was there for a friend’s b’day.
LONG STORY SHORT: I was talking to DH and mentioned that my ex would probably be at the venue. As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I wanted to take them back. I could see it made DH kind of uncomfortable and I noticed his mood somewhat changing. Later on that night – I asked him if what I said upset him – and he said ‘why would I care’ (or something to that effect).
I guess I just feel bad for saying anything and have general anxiety when going to this venue, because I don’t like being in my ex’s presence AT ALL. UGH – so stupid. I wish I could take it back.
Side note: there have been times (at this venue and at a friend’s party) where DH and the ex have been in the same room, but I ignored the ex and they were never introduced. When DH and I first started dating, he didn’t want to know anything about my dating past because he considered it all ‘in the past’.
Any tips for dealing with the potentially awkward situation? Then again, I’m worrying about nothing because I doubt the ex will not approach us, so why even mention anything in the first place? I spoke before my brain told my mouth to SHUT IT.
Any thought as to how to make it better? Do I just not say anything else to DH and hope it becomes a distant memory that’s long forgotten??