(Closed) Do you think it is rude?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What do you think


    Not at all

    Other, please explain

  • Post # 3
    633 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I voted that I think it’s rude to mention it. But I think it’s rude to mention ANYTHING about gifts on an invitation. If you prefer no gifts, then the best way to spread that is by word of mouth, In My Humble Opinion.

    Post # 4
    9921 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Writing that you should not bring gifts implies that gifts are typically expected at this type of event.  Any mention of gifts (either requesting them or asking for no gifts) at all on an invitation is rude. 

    Post # 5
    3389 posts
    Sugar bee

    But everybody does  expect gifts for their wedding otherwise why are there wedding gift registries? So I don’t understand the concept that there no one should expect gifts but everybody registers at a store? WHY?

    (I am seriously very curious about this)

    Post # 7
    3108 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    This is another “etiquette rule” that makes no sense to me.

    Saying ‘your presence is our present” or something to that effect — I wouldn’t find that rude at all. If people don’t know that typically you bring gifts to a wedding (which hello, I don’t see that happening), how is it rude to tell them to NOT bring a gift? They wouldn’t have brought one anyway.

    Post # 9
    320 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I don’t think it’s rude, it’s whatever you want to do. Most of the time people that come to a wedding bring a gift, so if you don’t want any I don’t see anything wrong with putting it on the invite.

    Post # 10
    100 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @happyface:  I think the etiquette relates to there being a difference between quietly expecting gifts, and out right stating it.  Everyone knows that people buy gifts for weddings. It’s when the obligation to do so is stated or implied that it becomes uncouth, hence why it’s fine to register to assist your guests in gift selection, but it’s not ok to include registry information or mention gifts with invites

    Post # 11
    8464 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I don’t think gifts should be mentioned on an invitation at all. If someone wants to buy you something, they’re going to do it regardless of what the invite says.

    Post # 12
    1375 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I am aware that putting anything about gifts is considered rude. I think the reason is that it presumes that your guests would want to get you a gift and that presumption is what is rude, not necessarily that you would prefer no gifts. I guess the other part could be telling adults what to do or not do, but lots about wedding invitations already do that (RSVP this way, wear this type of clothes, etc).

    I personally do not find it is bad taste to put something well-written that says no gifts, particularly on things like invites for adult birthday parties. Weddings – well, I read something once that said people want a way to participate and giving a gift is one way. It’s sort of like an old-fashioned barn raising or when the wedding used to be planned by the family & friends. Since that no longer happens, the way to help establish your life is gifts – and hence the type of household gifts that are popular for weddings.


    Post # 13
    1893 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

    A lot of people here in the UK tend to stick these lovely little poems in their invites if they don’t want gifts:

    An Ode to the Gift List

    In a wedding invitation,
    You usually find some lists,
    For venues, menus and hotels,
    And also for the gifts

    But this one is unusual,
    It comes in a different way,
    As we’re not asking for presents,
    But for something else today

    Now please don’t think we’re selfish,
    Or that this comes from greed,
    But we’ve lived together for a while,
    So there’s not that much we need

    We would appreciate help though,
    To send us on our way,
    And allow us to have our honeymoon,
    In a land quite far away

    So now the point of all this rhyme,
    The thing that we would like,
    Isn’t towels, toasters or microwaves,
    But pounds and pence alike

    And now you know the reason,
    Behind this cheeky accord,
    Please help to give us memories,
    Of a dream honeymoon abroad


    Or something to that effect. Over here, it’s considered perfectly normal and to do that sort of thing, I’m really surprised by the vehemence against it I’ve seen on here!

    Post # 14
    982 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I don’t understand this entire mentality on the bee… obviously you shouldn’t be having a wedding just to get gifts, but YES, they are expected. Its rude to show up at a wedding, birthday party, house warming or any other type of party without bringing a gift. 

    That being said, I don’t think its rude to say please don’t bring gifts. I have seen it on all kinds of invitations, why should a wedding be any different – its actually helping your guests. 

    Post # 15
    1953 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I think it’s all in the wording, but then I’m from a region where we actually put the word “presentation” on the invite if we want cash gifts over physical gifts, so it’s perfectly acceptable where I live to put that, but it’s considered completely tacky to put registry information on the invite at the same time. 

    I think if you put something like your presence is enough or something like that then, you will still get gifts from those who choose to ignore your wishes, but it also conveys to many that you don’t want anything. 

    I think etiquette is completely 100% a regional thing when it comes to what is considered acceptable and what is not. So Ultimately you need to base it on your region, if it’s common practice to put registry info on the invites then there is no reason you couldn’t put that you don’t want gives, but if your region it’s considered tacky and poor etiquette to do so, then you have to just go by word of mouth.

    Post # 16
    2203 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    It is rude to mention presents in any form on your invite. 

    The topic ‘Do you think it is rude?’ is closed to new replies.

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