Post # 1
Okay, so several weeks ago I wrote a post asking for wording on the invite to ask the guests not to bring gifts. I was kind of surprised at getting some response that others thought it was “rude”. Almost like you were expecting them in the first place.
I just wanted to know how many others think it is/isn’t.
Personally I have always thought when you invite people to anything, be it a wedding, birthday, graduation, etc. That it is automatically implied that gifts are not necessairly expected but definitely welcome. Therefore I think it is rude to not tell others that you would like for them to just come and celebrate with you.
Post # 3
I voted that I think it’s rude to mention it. But I think it’s rude to mention ANYTHING about gifts on an invitation. If you prefer no gifts, then the best way to spread that is by word of mouth, IMHO.
Post # 4
Writing that you should not bring gifts implies that gifts are typically expected at this type of event. Any mention of gifts (either requesting them or asking for no gifts) at all on an invitation is rude.
Post # 5
But everybody does expect gifts for their wedding otherwise why are there wedding gift registries? So I don’t understand the concept that there no one should expect gifts but everybody registers at a store? WHY?
(I am seriously very curious about this)
Post # 6
@happyface: I feel the same way, that people expect it. Therefore if you think it is for people to say, bring gifts to 2nd wedding for people who already have what is needed (which is our case) then it is rude to not mention to them that “Hey, we just want you to come & celebrate with us”.
Post # 7
This is another “etiquette rule” that makes no sense to me.
Saying ‘your presence is our present” or something to that effect — I wouldn’t find that rude at all. If people don’t know that typically you bring gifts to a wedding (which hello, I don’t see that happening), how is it rude to tell them to NOT bring a gift? They wouldn’t have brought one anyway.
Post # 8
@cmbr: Right! And then on the other post some people said, “well some will still bring gifts” Alright, but they can not say that I expected them if I asked them not to.
Post # 9
I don’t think it’s rude, it’s whatever you want to do. Most of the time people that come to a wedding bring a gift, so if you don’t want any I don’t see anything wrong with putting it on the invite.
Post # 10
@happyface: I think the etiquette relates to there being a difference between quietly expecting gifts, and out right stating it. Everyone knows that people buy gifts for weddings. It’s when the obligation to do so is stated or implied that it becomes uncouth, hence why it’s fine to register to assist your guests in gift selection, but it’s not ok to include registry information or mention gifts with invites
Post # 11
I don’t think gifts should be mentioned on an invitation at all. If someone wants to buy you something, they’re going to do it regardless of what the invite says.
Post # 12
I am aware that putting anything about gifts is considered rude. I think the reason is that it presumes that your guests would want to get you a gift and that presumption is what is rude, not necessarily that you would prefer no gifts. I guess the other part could be telling adults what to do or not do, but lots about wedding invitations already do that (RSVP this way, wear this type of clothes, etc).
I personally do not find it is bad taste to put something well-written that says no gifts, particularly on things like invites for adult birthday parties. Weddings – well, I read something once that said people want a way to participate and giving a gift is one way. It’s sort of like an old-fashioned barn raising or when the wedding used to be planned by the family & friends. Since that no longer happens, the way to help establish your life is gifts – and hence the type of household gifts that are popular for weddings.
Post # 13
- Wedding: October 2014 - UK
A lot of people here in the UK tend to stick these lovely little poems in their invites if they don’t want gifts:
An Ode to the Gift List
In a wedding invitation,
You usually find some lists,
For venues, menus and hotels,
And also for the gifts
But this one is unusual,
It comes in a different way,
As we’re not asking for presents,
But for something else today
Now please don’t think we’re selfish,
Or that this comes from greed,
But we’ve lived together for a while,
So there’s not that much we need
We would appreciate help though,
To send us on our way,
And allow us to have our honeymoon,
In a land quite far away
So now the point of all this rhyme,
The thing that we would like,
Isn’t towels, toasters or microwaves,
But pounds and pence alike
And now you know the reason,
Behind this cheeky accord,
Please help to give us memories,
Of a dream honeymoon abroad
Or something to that effect. Over here, it’s considered perfectly normal and to do that sort of thing, I’m really surprised by the vehemence against it I’ve seen on here!
Post # 14
I don’t understand this entire mentality on the bee… obviously you shouldn’t be having a wedding just to get gifts, but YES, they are expected. Its rude to show up at a wedding, birthday party, house warming or any other type of party without bringing a gift.
That being said, I don’t think its rude to say please don’t bring gifts. I have seen it on all kinds of invitations, why should a wedding be any different – its actually helping your guests.
Post # 15
I think it’s all in the wording, but then I’m from a region where we actually put the word “presentation” on the invite if we want cash gifts over physical gifts, so it’s perfectly acceptable where I live to put that, but it’s considered completely tacky to put registry information on the invite at the same time.
I think if you put something like your presence is enough or something like that then, you will still get gifts from those who choose to ignore your wishes, but it also conveys to many that you don’t want anything.
I think etiquette is completely 100% a regional thing when it comes to what is considered acceptable and what is not. So Ultimately you need to base it on your region, if it’s common practice to put registry info on the invites then there is no reason you couldn’t put that you don’t want gives, but if your region it’s considered tacky and poor etiquette to do so, then you have to just go by word of mouth.
Post # 16
It is rude to mention presents in any form on your invite.