Post # 1
Mom wants the traditional “Mr and Mrs. Joe Smith request the pleasure of your company…” on the invites, even though we’re paying for most of the wedding ourselves. Mom didn’t have much of a wedding, so I’d like to indulge her but it supposedly gives the impression that my parents will be hosting.
Also, Fiance wants his Mom’s name on there somewhere and he’s not asked for much, so I’d like to oblige him too.
Two questions. 1) Does it really matter whose name is on the invitation? Do people actually look at an invite and say “oh, so and so are hosting it since their name is on the invite”? How and why does it matter? and 2) Anyone have any advice on how to combine? [And 3) How do I get out of this unscathed and with everyone happy?]
Post # 3
I don’t think it really matters, in my opinion. It’s really about what you and your Fiance want! What about this wording for both:
Mr and Mrs “MissHelen”
“Your full name”
“His full name”
request the pleasure of your company….
Post # 4
Maybe you can you do something like:
Mr. and Mrs. Helen’sParents
request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter
son of Mrs. Helen’sFI’sMom
I think that’s the “traditional” way of listing the groom’s parents if they’re not hosting. For me, the “Mr. and Mrs. Man’s Name” wording was a dealbreaker (didn’t use it when addressing our invitations, either) so we went with a less-traditional wording that still acknowledged our families. But I don’t know if anyone noticed…if so, they certainly didn’t say anything to us.
Post # 5
Oooooooooooo those are good…
Thanks! That is such a huge load off of my mind! I think I was overthinking it LOL
Post # 6
I do tend to notice wordings on invitations. When I see “Mr and Mrs request the pleasure of your company at the marriage of their daughter….”, I assume the bride’s parents are the hosts and they have paid for the wedding. Unfortunately, I don’t have any additional wording advice – I think the suggestions above are good – I just wanted to put my two cents in that I notice the way invitations are worded!
Post # 7
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Well, the language of your invite has a meaning and will convey a message. The traditional wording comes from the tradition where a bride’s parents host the wedding. But you can use whatever wording you feel comfortable with in this case–if you want her name there, put it there! But your guests (at least those who think about these things) will then assume that your parents hosted.
Post # 8
@BlueShoes2 and @HL nailed the two wordings I was going to suggest.
The third option is:
Together with their families
Helen Lastname and Fiance Lastname
request the pleasure of your company . . .
Post # 9
I agree with HL. We are doing “Mr and Mrs Bride’sdad Lastname request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their daughter MyFirst MyMiddle to FIFirst Fiance Middle son of Mr and Mrs Groom’sdad Lastname”
Post # 10
I was wondering that too. My parents are paying for the wedding but I really like when it says “together with their families…” I don’t want it to be so formal.
Post # 11
@ ariellebride: Yeah, absolutely. I suppose my bigger question has to do with whether or not these days there are traditions that are breakable and if so, which ones they are. I never thought about the wording on an invitation before and I’m not sure what the practical implications are of knowing who is hosting. Is this something that is left over from the days when _________ was the norm? I think it’s fascinating how our traditions have organized themselves.
Anyhoo, I think that personally it doesn’t matter. Do what you’re most comfortable with and what will make you happy.
Post # 12
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Of course traditions are breakable, and I’m not sure that there are really all that many practical implications regarding who people think is hosting. If you don’t care about the assumptions, then you have freedom to do whatever you like. 🙂
Post # 13
I think those of us who are wedding obsessed notice and not so much anyone else. My cousin got married recently and I was totally analyzing everything and discussing with my mom (who is clueless), and I realized just how much more I noticed and cared than she did.