Post # 1
Is it required these days to have a diamond included in your proposal or marriage? Do you think people today feel the need to flaunt their love- a simple band no longer represents unending love or a favorable social status?
I often see how big of a deal engagements are with ring talks, ultimatums, preferences and all the waiting business. Sometimes I feel like people could get married sooner and with the right attitude if they didn’t have to save for 10 months to buy a diamond or be stressed about meeting a particular aesthetic standard.
What are you thoughts? Is the wedding industry ruining the value and sacredness of a marriage?
Post # 3
I think everyone has different expectations of what they want their ring to look like. For some, it must be a diamond. For others, a non-descript band will do. And, for others, it’s somewhere in the middle.
ETA: I also think there are cultural and societal pressures that make one’s expectations lean one way or the other…
Post # 4
@Eva Peron: I don’t even have a diamond and I considered us engaged without the ring before he actually proposed. That’s not to say that I wasn’t anxious about waiting for the “official” proposal, but I never gave him any ultimatiums. I was very upfront when we got together. I told him that I wanted more children and I wanted marriage. If he didn’t see that in his future then he needed to move on and not waste my time.
Post # 5
@Miss Tattoo: Amen!!!
FH brought up the idea of marriage first, and I told him there won’t be ANY excuses on why we can’t get married. Ring or no ring, that doesn’t make the marriage or engagement. He bought me a promise ring and then we shopped around. We ordered a moissanite ring, and he wants to do a big “official” proposal when he gets it. I call us engaged because he technically asked me and I said yes. lol
Post # 6
Required? Absolutely not. Did I want one? Yes! We knew we’d get married but I still wanted the whole ring/proposal thing. It would have been very odd given our situation if he didn’t propose with one.
Post # 7
I think, for better or for worse, that consumer standards are a part of our modern society. Personally, I decided not to have a wedding band, because I don’t think it is necessary. So many things are invented in our lives to create sales. We are often taught to think we need them.
When it comes to e-rings, it is personal preference. Idealy, everyone is getting what is right for them, and it has nothing to do with anything but their relationship.
Post # 8
We knew that we were going to get married VERY early on. Like 3 months early…we got engaged at 6months. I helped pick out the ring ( or the ring I thought I was getting…he went and picked out a better version).
So, YES I wanted a ring and for me I wanted a diamond, but we already considered ourselves engaged without it.
Post # 9
@Miss Tattoo: I like a nice firm communication on the matter, good for you!
Thanks for all the responses bees, this is refreshing!
Post # 9
It was required for me. To me it’s a symbol, and an important one. I had a ring style I wanted but I certainly wasn’t like “you must spend $25,000 or I won’t marry you!”
I think this, just like most things in relationships, is a compromise. I had a “dream ring” and am lucky enough to have a Fiance that wanted to give it to me (btw it was nowhere near $25k). Did that mean waiting a little longer? Yes. Was it worth it? Totally. Why, you ask? Because, in all reality, we weren’t ready at 22.
I am sentimental and I knew THE ring would always be my ring and I would never want to change it and I also wanted to really love it forever. If he had surprised me with something else, I still would have been just as happy. But, I am happy and proud of the ring I have and Fiance I know is proud that he gave it to me. I don’t think the wedding industry is really ruining anything, I just think women feel more empowered to speak up and ask for what they want than generations before.
Post # 10
@MrsCoachBtoBee: interesting thought about women stepping up to the plate in these last few generations and voicing their desires!
Post # 11
I think some people feel they need a diamond whilst others dont care. I didnt want an engagement ring at all, but I did choose a wedding band with diamonds in it, I wanted something simple, but a little sparkly too.
Post # 12
@Eva Peron: required? no. Is it what the majority of women want and what the industry spews out? yep.
Did I want one? NO. Do I want one? Only if it’s alongside some other jewel. I like sparkly, but not fond of diamonds. (Yes, I’m that weird :P)
Diamonds are what everyone EXPECTS because it’s what gets the most attention. If rubies were what had become the most popular, it’d be the same way. Everyone would want a ruby instead of anything else.
Post # 13
To me, it’s a requirement. I want X, Y and Z from the guy if I’m going to marry him. If I don’t get what I want, I’ll find someone else that loves me (and I love him) and able to give me X, Y and Z.
Post # 14
we were laying in bed when Darling Husband and I first started talking about marriage…. then he said “what would you say if i asked you to marry me today?” I said “Yes of course i will!” there was no ring,but I was flattered. The most amazing man in the world wanted me to be his forever. He had an official proposal with a ring and such a few months later. (no one knew he asked me 5 months before lol) I told him i would of married him with a quarter machine ring. I love him no matter what. I love what a ring symbolizes but i feel that America in general puts way too much emphasis on having diamonds to feel “engaged, loved, married” I have a beautiful ring and an amazing husband but a ring isnt your marriage. Its the two of you taking the journey through life together that really matters.
Post # 15
@JustLove: Same here.
*Le Sigh* This topic makes me a bit frustrated (no snark or personal attack OP).
While my Fiance and I discussed marriage for years I had a dream ring in mind and didn’t want to let it go. We communicated openly about the whole thing and made it clear to each other that we weren’t in any rush so why not save up.
To me it wasn’t the wedding industry pressure or flaunting anything but rather I love diamonds and I had a vision, no alterior motives involved. I had wanted a pariticular style/size ring for a long time and he was willing to give it to me. We definitely could have gotten married sooner but waiting allowed me to have my dream and for us to be in a better place overall with other aspects in our lives, the timing in the end is pefect.
I never gave any ultimatums or threats in the mean time because I knew that the wait was a direct result of my wishes. I didn’t/don’t think in anyway that hoping and waiting for my dream affected our relationship or tarnishes the sacredness of our marriage.
@MrsCoachBtoBee: You summed it up perfectly. So…what she said. 🙂