(Closed) Do you think it's disrespectful to call your in-laws by their first names?

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Is it disrespectful to call your in-laws by their first names?
    Yes : (15 votes)
    5 %
    No : (258 votes)
    89 %
    Other (explain below) : (17 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 31
    1317 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    FI’s parents insist i call them by their first name and its kinda uncomfortable for me but in my culture its disrespectful to call an elder by their first name. Fiance calls my parents Mr XXX or MRS XXX.

    Post # 32
    8482 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2014

    If they’re fine with it, then I dont see how it could be disrespectful. I’m not close (at all) with my inlaws, so I dont really call them anything. lol.

    My husband calls my parents by their names, but only because they’ve told him to 50+ times. 

    Post # 33
    195 posts
    Blushing bee

    I call them by their first names. When we got engaged Mother-In-Law asked if I would call her Mom after we got married. I politely declined and said I would stick to her first name. Too weird for me lol

    Post # 34
    9095 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    No. They aren’t my parents, so I won’t call them mom or dad. They’re family, they’re inlaws. First name basis.

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    Post # 35
    142 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    Depends on the family. My husband is Chinese but fairly westernized, so he grew up used to calling his friends’ parents by their first names. I’m Filipino and it’s very disrespectful to call in-laws by first names. He kept doing that accidentally in the beginning, but now he calls them the Tagalog word for mom and dad. I call my in-laws mom and dad. 

    Post # 36
    172 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    In my African culture it is regarded very disrespectful, in a very insulting way to call any elderly person by their first names. Given that it is how we were raised, it would be extremely uncomfortable for me to call any elderly person by their first name. 

    It is even worse for in laws. In laws here are taken on an equal footing with your parents and must be called Mom and Dad or any variation of that. I mean this should happen even if they are **s holes who don’t recognise you as their child. 

    As for me, Darling Husband has no parents so I don’t have to call anybody. Had they been alive I was going to call them what their son calls them. Darling Husband also calls my mom how I call her. I don’t call my mom “mom” or any variation of that though. I call her by the kiddies version of her name. 

    Post # 37
    9544 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I have no admit that when I first read this post I thought “What else would I call them?” We dated for 4.5 years before we got married. I might have called them Mr and Mrs. ___ the first time I met them, but they asked to be called by their first names, so that’s what I did. It really never even occured to me to call them mom and dad after the wedding. They’d just been their first names for so long, at that point, I didn’t feel the need to change once we were married. They’ve never said anything about it, for the last 7 years, so I don’t think they have a problem going by their first name.

    My husband calls my parents by first names, but I also call my step-mother by her first name.

    Post # 38
    2514 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I call them by their first names, unless I’m talking to one of their grand kids.  Then I refer to them by their grandparent names.  When we have kids I’ll do the same with our children.  The rest of the DILs call them by their first names as well amongst the adults. 

    My SO calls my parents by their first names. 

    Post # 39
    302 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2015 - Golf Course

    From my experience it’s somewhat cultural… I’m caucasian, I call them by their first names. My future BIL’s wife is Chinese, and she calls them Mom and Dad because that’s how it is done with her culture/family. They would prefer if she just call them by their first names, but she insists on calling them Mom and Dad and she thinks it’s weird too, cuz she always pauses and laughs nervously before she says it, but she still insists.

    Post # 40
    263 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Bichon Frise:  It depends on the inlaw I think. I call FIs Dad by both his first name and “Dad” sometimes. It comes down to your level of comfort and the relationship with your in-laws. I think FIs Dad would get offended if I called him “Mr.—“.

    Post # 41
    657 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    No, I don’t – but Darling Husband does. I’ll never, ever forget the one time I called his mom by her first name – both Darling Husband and his brother jumped down my throat. To me, it’s their name. I don’t find it disrespectful – but I grew up called my best friends’ mothers Ms. FirstName. 

    I don’t expect Darling Husband to call my parents Mom or Dad (because they’re not), and wouldn’t be offended if he called them by their first name. I absolutely refuse to call DH’s parents Mom and Dad (because they’re not), so I just avoid addressing them by name so as to not offend my Darling Husband or his brother.

    Post # 42
    6557 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 1997

    I cannot imagine calling them anything except their first names. That doesn’t mean that I would call most random older people by their first names, but ILs are family. We’re close, but not mum or dad close. 

    Post # 43
    3277 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Bichon Frise:  

    This depends on the culture you were raised with. 

    I was raised never to refer to elders with their first names. I used to call my in-laws “Mom and Dad” until I found out what kind of person my Mother-In-Law was. Now I will call my Father-In-Law “Dad” or “Pops” because I feel comfortable with him. I usually call my Mother-In-Law by her first name or sometimes “Mom” if I am in the mood. 

    My parents expect my husband to call them “Mom and Dad” or “Mr and Mrs…”. He uses Mr and Mrs. Even though my husband would like to call my parents by their first names, he will not do so because of their cultural sensitivities. 

    I know you are concerned about this issue because of your Father-In-Law, but what other Bees call their in-laws is irrelevant. You have an old fashioned Father-In-Law who insists on being called Dad, so it is up to you to decide how to approach that conflict. Whatever you call your Father-In-Law will have a significant effect on your relationship so choose wisely. 


    • This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by  amiona.
    Post # 44
    6441 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Bichon Frise:  I’m not actually sure, both my husband and I refer to our MILs by their first name.  I would never call her mom, her mother.  No offense, she isn’t.  I don’t be disrespect by not calling her my mom, but my actual mom earned that title so only she has the title of mom.

    Post # 45
    1553 posts
    Bumble bee

    My FI’s parents introduced themselved by their first names, so that’s how I address them. It’s been fine like that for over 2 years now.

    The topic ‘Do you think it's disrespectful to call your in-laws by their first names?’ is closed to new replies.

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