(Closed) Do you think it's disrespectful to call your in-laws by their first names?

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Is it disrespectful to call your in-laws by their first names?
    Yes : (15 votes)
    5 %
    No : (258 votes)
    89 %
    Other (explain below) : (17 votes)
    6 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    3277 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Keke84:  

    +1 Jamaican culture is the same. 

    Post # 47
    Member
    197 posts
    Blushing bee

    It took me quite a few years to call my FPIL by their first names. I was just a kid when we started dating, though, so that was part of it. I wouldn’t call them Mr/Mrs ____ ever. I find that weird. If I can call my aunts and uncles by their names, why not my in laws? I call his grandmother by her name and I also call her Nan (which is what Fiance and his sister and cousins call her). 

    Post # 48
    Member
    616 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    Yes, I really really do. I was raised in a very traditional household, in a culture where you have titles for everyone who’s older than you. Needless to say calling anyone who’s older than me by name gives me the shivers. When I meet the parents of my white, American friends I feel apprehensive for the inevitable “no just call me __,” which I can’t so I just never call them, haha.

    I call my SO’s parents Maman (name) and Papa (name). They love it and I’m comfortable.

    • This reply was modified 5 years ago by  marbelles.
    Post # 49
    Member
    54 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I call my in laws by their first names. They never asked me to call them anything else. I would never call them mom or dad or variations of that because I’m very very close to my parents and I love them. I do not love my in laws, I just respect that they are my husband’s parents and the future grandparents of my children.

    Post # 50
    Member
    2624 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: County courthouse

    I don’t think it’s disrespectful…but weird. My inlaws are fine with me calling them by their first names…but I call the by their last name…Mr and Mrs. It’s respectful. But that’s the way I was raised. My dad had know my gma since hs and still called her by her last name.

    Post # 51
    Member
    718 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I hope my in-laws are fine with being called by their first names after the wedding because I would be so uncomfortable if they wanted to be called “mom and dad”.

    Post # 52
    Member
    628 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - Temecula, California

    I call my Mil by her first name. I don’t call her mom because she has a thing againest calling another woman your mom when they’re not your mom. We don’t get to see my mom often so my husband doesn’t get a chance to call her mom. It’s doesn’t bother me if my Husband calls my parents mom and Dad or not.

    Post # 53
    Member
    2091 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I can’t do it! I have to call them Mr./Mrs. Lastname or something along those lines. I call my mom-in-law Mama Lastinitial. Her husband is Mr. P. My dad-in-law is Pops, haha! I do think that it is a respect thing for me personally, but to each their own…

    Post # 54
    Member
    142 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    My fiance and I call his mom Lady. I don’t mind calling her by her first name,  especially in public, but she’s the Lady to us. His brothers call her Woman, which fits their personalities a bit better, but my younger FBIL’s gf calls her by her first name only.

    Post # 55
    Member
    142 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    Just out of curiosity, for those who feel personally uncomfortable calling their in-laws “Mom and Dad” since that’s what they call their own parents: How do you feel about calling them a variation of a parent title? For example, Pop, Pa, Papa, Ma, Mama, Dad Firstname, Mom Lastname, etc.?

    Also, if you and your spouse/in-laws disagree about who should be called what, who ends up “winning”, for lack of a better way of putting it?

    Post # 56
    Member
    706 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I was raised that it was okay to call an adult by their first name, as long as its okayed by them.  I grew up my whole life calling my parents friends, and my friends parents by their first name.  When I met Darling Husband, I don’t even remember the introductions with his parents, but I have never called them anything but their first names.

    My mom tells a funny story that when she was growing up, my grandmother was the only mom on the block that told kids to call her by her first name.  We’re most definitely a laid-back, casual kind of family.

    Obviously, Darling Husband calls my parents (and my grandparents) by their first names.

    Post # 57
    Member
    2013 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    My in-laws told me early on to address them by their first names. Before I started dating Darling Husband, my parents had always requested that the guys I dated called Mr. & Mrs. Lastname, but they have always been more relaxed and informal with Darling Husband, and thus have no issues with him calling them by their first names. I think they would find it uncomfortable if he did otherwise.

    Post # 58
    Member
    3870 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    Bichon Frise: I guess it depends? Unless they specifically asked to be called something else, what are you supposed to call them? I call FI’s parents by their first names simply because they never offered anything else up and calling FI’s mother Mrs. LastName seemed kind of…silly. We’re more than casual acquaintances. 

    Post # 59
    Member
    1320 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Definitely not weird at all. I always refer to them by their first name in person, via email, and in conversation with others. When I talk to my Fiance, I say “your mom” or “your dad”, but I would never refer to them as Mom or Dad myself. I feel like saying “Mr. Smith” and “Mrs. Smith” would make me feel and seem a little juvenile (but that totally depends on culture and the formality levels in your family).

    Post # 60
    Member
    1320 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Oh, but I should add that my Fiance doesn’t really feel comfortable calling my parents by their first names. He doesn’t call them Mom or Dad either and he doesn’t really call them Mr. and Mrs. Smith hahaha. He just doesn’t really refer to a specific name in person, but in text/email he will say “John” or “Jane”. Hopefully it won’t always be so awkward.

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