(Closed) Do you think it’s right that my parents keep this secret from me?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2385 posts
Buzzing bee

They can’t possibly think they’ll hide this from you forever. It seems silly. How did you find out?

Post # 4
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

Maybe she didn’t mean to make you feel bad, but she knows how you feel about it and didn’t want to start a fight. This is a hard situation because your parents wanted to keep things civil too, but probably felt bad keeping it from you. I hope everything gets better.

Post # 5
Hostess
18644 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

So I’m guessing that you have a strained relationship with your sister?  Maybe you should have a face to face talk with her about what is going on and how it makes you feel.

Post # 6
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Sorry that you are going though this.  I agree with you…thats kinda extreme to exclude you out of what may be the most important time of your sister’s life…and to exclude you from family celebrations to keep this promise is a bit too far as well.

But, I think you should let the anger and/or disappointment go.  You should call your sister and let her know that while you may not agree with her decisions, you will always support her because she is your sister.  Ask her to explain what you can do to make sure that an extreme decision like this never happens again.  Ya know, really have a heart to heart with her.

Hopefully this talk will clear the air and you guys can have Christmas together.  Wish you luck

 

Post # 7
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I am sorry you are having to go through this, but I do understand your sister’s point of view. She may not have made the best choices in the past, but just from what you have posted on the bee, you have been very judgemental toward. I don’t fault you for that. I could very well have acted the same way in the same situations. If you are serious about being included in your sister’s life, then I suggest that you have a heart to heart with your mother and let her know that you love your sister and you will hold your judgements to yourself and do your very best to get a long with your sister. You don’t have to get all mushy with her, but just being cordial with her and happy for the good things in her life would probably go a very long way.

Post # 8
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

i can understand how you feel, i would probably feel the same way.  however, i think because you were judgemental of her past behaviour she was probably embarrassed for you to know about her pregnancy.  maybe she thought she would be disappointing you again. 

i think you should lay your feelings aside and just be happy for her.  you now have a new niece/nephew which is a wonderful thing.  i think if you show your family that you have no intentions of bringing up the situation or being judgemental, they may become more open & laid back over time, possibly ending them excluding you from the holiday get togethers.

Post # 9
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

If my sister was judgemental and critical about my life I’d leave her out of it too. Your parents are right to support her wishes.

Post # 10
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Well they didn’t keep it a secret.  You know about the baby.  Perhaps they know that your doing fine in life and your sister needs them more and now more then ever.  they want to keep the peace and if I had a sibling that had no problem telling me all my problems and mistakes… i’d prob stay away from them too.

Post # 12
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

yeah that is wrong.  they shouldn’t have agreed to that with your sister.  they should have told your sister upfront that you are all a family and you will all celebrate her pregnancy together.  

I’d be pissed.  Maybe you can just go visit your sister at the hospital and confront the issue head on.  Show her you support her and her new baby and maybe you’ll be part of the family again?

Post # 13
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think anyone is saying that you shouldn’t tell her how you feel…but given that she knows you often disapprove of her decisions (which obviously aren’t good) it would make sense why she may want to keep things from you.

It’s not really your parents place to make her tell you anything. They were just honoring her wishes, they may have told her that she needed to tell you but ultimately it’s her decision not theirs. I’d be upset if I asked my parents to keep something a secret and they told my siblings.

Post # 14
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

but then don’t be hurt when she keeps you out of the loop on things.  

 

Post # 15
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@passionfruit23: Honestly, I call BS on your parents. I can understand them wanting to help your sister out and all but it’s wrong to help one child at the expense of another. Your sister doesn’t want to see you so they exclude YOU from Thanksgiving dinner and possibly Christmas? Why not ask your sister to come over later since SHE obviously can’t get her stuff together.

Also, I don’t think you were being judgemental. That’s your SISTER. If you see your sister spiralling out of control, using drugs, beings abused, why WOULDN’T you tell her that you are worried for her and that she needs to get some help? It was OK for her to hide out at your apartment but you aren’t entitled to an opinion? I think not.

I think a family meeting is in order.

Post # 16
Member
7694 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@passionfruit23: So sorry for what you are going through.  Maybe you can show up at the hospital with a gift for your sister and baby to congratulate her? 

The topic ‘Do you think it’s right that my parents keep this secret from me?’ is closed to new replies.

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