(Closed) do you think its rude to ask the bridesmaids to pay for a dress, makeup, hair?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: do you think its rude to ask the bridesmaids to pay for a dress?
    yes, it is rude : (19 votes)
    19 %
    no, it isn't rude : (83 votes)
    81 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    588 posts
    Busy bee

    I gave my girls $50 towards their dress each, and I’m paying for all hair and make up

    If you want them to have professional hair and make up then you should pay. If you don’t care then let them choose.

    Post # 33
    Member
    3175 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I think BMs should pay for their own dresses, but the bride should be conscious of each BM’s financial situation. 

    As far as hair & makeup- I think the bride should cover it if they’re “required”, but I see no problem with giving the option of having it done but expecting each Bridesmaid or Best Man to cover her own if she chooses to do it.

    Post # 34
    Member
    893 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @cmsgirl:  I think nowadays, it’s acceptable if bridesmaids to pay for their hair, make up and dresses considering how expensive weddings are.

    Post # 35
    Member
    2693 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2008

    I wondered the same thing too.  I feel that I should pay for it (at least for hair…I think between the 6 of them they could do excellent jobs on makeup).  I’ll admit…their Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses were on the pricier side…~$250 from J. Crew.  I tried to offset that cost by allowing them to choose a style that they liked and flattered them, in the hopes that they’d wear them again.  I only dictated the fabric and color.  I’m trying to keep the shoes at a reasonable price point (hoping for less than $50, having trouble finding applicable ones). 

    While I’d never mandate that they pay for their own hair and makeup, I’d give them the option to opt in or out of the day-of services.  It gets REALLY expensive, especially if you have a larger bridal party.  My mom and I opted to pay for everyone’s hair, which IMO is the bigger treat (I’d personally rather get my hair done than make up).  I think I will still extend the offer to have their make up done, but on their own dime.  I certainly won’t care one way or the other if they don’t get make up done.  We felt that after the expense of the dress, showers, bach party, etc., it was only right that we treat them the day of.  I’ll also be gifting them their day of jewlery as well as other tokens (clutch, scarf, nail polish, sole mates, maybe a candle? as well as a personalized note).

    Post # 36
    Member
    544 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I don’t think it’s rude to expect them to pay for the dress…I think that part is pretty much assumed. We just went dress shopping this weekend and I felt very guilty that they had to shell out money for dresses, but none of them seemed to mind.

    I’m paying for hair and make up (if they choose to utilize the on-site hair and make up artist). I’m not planning on mandating how they do their hair and make-up, but I wanted us to all get it done together in the same place, so I will be paying.

    Post # 37
    Member
    693 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    In the age/income bracket of my friends I would never ask my girls to pay more than $150 for a dress.  Since we did mismatched dresses, some paid $99 others $139.  I let them wear their own black dress shoes (2 of 6 had to buy some).  I gifted them hair and jewelry.

    If you are requiring professional hair, I think it’s a nice gesture to pay for your BMs.  But if you let them decide how to do it, I think then that’s up to them.

    Also in my circle it is absolutely expected that the BMs will buy their own dress, unless someone absolutely cannot afford it due to life circumstances (My mom bought the dress for a close family friend who seriously had no extra money to spend.)

    Post # 38
    Member
    2999 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @happyface:  I’ve kinda started to get this mentality. My situation- Bride would never think of spending $175 on a short dress for herself that she’d only wear once and has never tried on or seen anyone wear it besides a model. Ya, I kinda find that rude to tell your friends to do it for YOUR wedding. She would normally not spend $50 for shoes for herself but wanted me to for shoes I don’t need and would not wear again after maxing the dress budget (with her adding in $40 for the rest)- I put my foot down, was pretty much treated as if I were uncooperative and now she’s buying them and I find that request to be rude, too.

    Its not as rude when you find dress under budget or something that is actually liked. Lets be honest here– most of the dresses are fashion forward now. But did you really have to choose it in some odd color? FWIW I know if I have BMs I’ll pick a neutral color or like a silver or something that would make a great cocktail dress and the girls like.

    Requiring to spend for hair and makeup is rude to me. If you want it, you buy it.

    I think a lot of people are hurt by the economy right now and it has altered the ‘traditional’ wedding mindset. That’s just my opinion though

    ETA: I think the thing that really gets me is when the bride gifts you jewelry to complete her wedding look, robes that make great wedding pictures and whatever else at the lowest cost possible. I find that to be rude.

    Post # 39
    Member
    4581 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    It isn’t rude. My BMs paid for all of that stuff themselves and they were fine about it because they knew we were on a tight budget and they were excited to stand by my side on my special day. I think most people understand the costs involved with being a member of the bridal party.

    Post # 40
    Member
    2696 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I voted above for dress only.

    I think dress and shoes is ok.

    Hair an makeup is pushing in, IMO, unless you know your bridesmaids are happy to do it and doing well financially. My Maid/Matron of Honor insists on getting her hair done. I’m not even getting my hair done! But she wants to. 🙂

    Post # 41
    Member
    8882 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    I don’t think it’s rude. Generally, they expect to pay for all these things. If a bride covers the cost of any of it, they should be greatful In My Humble Opinion 🙂

    Post # 42
    Member
    481 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I don’t think it’s “rude” to ask a bm to pay for a dress – I have been a bridesmaid in several weddings and paid for my dress most times and I never thought the bride was rude to ask this of me. I have also generally paid for my own hair and makeup, and I was also fine with that. As many PP have said, this is very common practice in North America and most bm’s expect his.

    However, that being said, I personally felt incredibly guilty asking my closest friends to shell out a bunch of money to pay for a dress that I picked out, in a style that I picked out, in a colour that I picked out, for my wedding day. So, I decided to pay for all of their dresses because it just felt like the right thing to do for me. Hair and makeup will be optional and they can choose whether or not they would like to have this done (and, if so, they will pay). I guess the way I think about it is that if there was anything that I was demanding that they get (e.g., the dress), then I felt obligated to pay for it. When things were optional (e.g., hair and makeup), then I didn’t feel as obligated to pay for it. If I could afford it, I still would have paid for their hair and makeup though!

    Post # 43
    Member
    2868 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My impression is that they pay for their outfit, assuming the bride is sensible enough to pick something they can afford.  If you want super specific things, though (some brides want specific jewelry or makeup styles) then it seems like you should pay for those, since they have no choice. 

    The topic ‘do you think its rude to ask the bridesmaids to pay for a dress, makeup, hair?’ is closed to new replies.

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