Post # 1
So, in the past, I had been strongly opposed to living together before marriage. However, it was never really for moral or religious reasons. I simply didn’t want to give my dude the pretty cake and let him eat it too. Example A: I have a very good friend that has been with her boyfriend for a little over eight years, and they’ve been living together for nearly four. When she recently brought up engagement, he simply stated: “We have a wonderful life together as is; why juggle the financial burden of engagement rings and wedding costs while we’re still relatively young?” This, my dears, is my greatest fear.
I’m about to *officially* move in with my boyfriend – the same boyfriend that has gone ring shopping with me – the same boyfriend that talks of a 2010 engagement. It’s funny – we had only been dating a month before the duplex my guy shared with friends soon became a storage unit and the apartment I was renting became the space we shared. In two whole weeks, we are moving into a bigger apartment, officially splitting bills, buying new furtniture and ditching my girls-only decorating schemes. I’m scared he’s going to get comfy with our situation and diamond ditch.
What do you ladies think? Could living together delay engagement? Or do you actually think it speeds up the whole process?
Post # 3
For me it was actually the opposite. We were together for 5 years and then moved in together, 6 months later he proposed!!
Post # 4
I don’t think it delays it, but that’s based on my story. I moved in with my now fi August of last year. If anything it brought us closer, and made him realize more that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. We got engaged in May!
But.. I do want to say that a lot of people ‘warned’ me that he would get too comfortable living with me and not pop the question—but he proved all those people wrong.
Post # 5
It depends on the relationship, I guess. My boyfriend and I are moving in together later on this summer as the next step toward an engagement for us. We are very open in talking about our relationship and our future and I have no concerns about it delaying our engagement. I’m actually on the opposite side of the whole issue though, I can’t really imagine getting engaged to someone before you know what it’s like to live together. I know people feel really strongly otherwise though, and I understand that. It sounds like you and your boyfriend are also really open and honest, so I don’t really think you have anything to worry about.
Post # 6
I don’t know personally. I get confused. Sometimes I think it does, but sometimes it doesn’t. I have a friend who lived with her boyfriend and their 3yr old son for 3 years before they got married. But in total, they were together for 8 yrs by the time they got married.
Post # 7
Maybe it did postpone a proposal and marriage a few years, but in my case I wasn’t willing to move to another city and pay rent for a place that I likely wouldn’t ever stay at more than a night or two a week.
Honestly, neither of us were ready for marriage for quite a few years. And the wedding was so much more expensive than either of us imagined, so having the extra time to save up really helped too.
It did make the idea of marriage much easier for both of us when we did finally become ready. We already knew that we will continue on with a great situation and didn’t have to worry about what being around the other person 24/7 would be like.
Post # 8
You know, while I was waiting, I thought that us living together was delaying the proposal. We dated for about two years before buying a house together. There was an understanding that a ring would soon follow the house, but it took about ten months.
In retrospect, it wasn’t the living together that was the problem. It was that he and I each had different definitions of soon! And I wasn’t brave enough to talk to him about it for several months!
So I wouldn’t worry about moving in together. Now I’m actually really glad we moved in together first. I had a bit of an adjustment period after living alone for so long and I would not have wanted to go through that right after getting engaged or married.
Post # 9
i was worried about that too when i moved in with my husband (then bf). we moved in together after 4 months of dating. he proposed after dating 11 months. i don’t think it sped it up or slowed it down, i think we still got married when we were just ready.
Post # 10
I really think it depends on the relationship and what your expectations are and how you communicate them. I moved in with my fiance about 6 months before we got engaged but we had very frank discussions prior to that about getting married…but it wasn’t really an issue because he’d already told me many times that he wanted to marry me.
But moving in together and getting married are not synonymous…it’s important to make sure you are on the same page about this.
Post # 11
In my situation I am going to have to answer no. My FI was married before and I think that was what hindered him proposing early on. I think living together was important to me because people have gross habits-they fart, the burp, they pee on the toilet seat, etc. I wanted to know he and I could live happily together before we got married.
Post # 12
In my situation, YES! I won’t get into details because I’ll be typing for days haha….but for us – yes, yes, yes!!
Post # 13
I agree – very dependent on the relationship and where each of you are at with the whole marriage thing. I moved in with my bf and he proposed about 11 months later, after we had been together for 2 years and 3 months. The engagement for me was not delayed by moving in together, but rather happened when we both had talked about it and were ready for it. Yes, some people get comfortable and it may take a while for the engagement, but I think it is so case dependent that it is really hard to say one way or the other. I can say, though, that for me, I never had that fear and I knew he would not have asked me to move in just to see where it goes. We both knew at that time that we could see marriage in our future, but we were just not quite there yet.
Post # 14
I’m not sure I’d say living together delays engagement. Really, it’s impossible to know since you can’t know what would have happened if you had chosen the other path.
In my own case, we lived together 1.5 years before getting engaged. It was longer than I wanted to wait (by about 6 months), but, I can’t say it would have been any sooner if I hadn’t moved in. The delay was due to waiting for him to be mentally ready which I don’t think had anything to do with the living situation. At the time I moved in, I was interested in engagement in the semi near future (he was well aware) but it wasn’t urgent for me. If I had it to do over again, I’d still move in.
If your guy is fairly receptive (already ring shopping) and understands your general time frame, then I don’t think you need to be worried. You would need to be a little concerned if he brushed off any wedding talk or was vague with you.
Post # 15
I’m another one for the ‘living together doesn’t delay engagement’ – but our situation sounds slightly different than yours. We had been friends for ages beforehand and moved in together because I got a great job in another city and he opted to come with me (bless!). Neither of us ever intended ever getting married (especially him, he’s a little… anti-tradition for tradition’s sake) but once we moved in together I realised it was something that I really did want and 3 months later we were engaged 🙂
Good luck with everything. Maybe it is just worth having a conversation? (Not a ‘propose in 2010 or else’ talk… more a ‘even though we are officially living together now, marriage is still something I want in our future…’ talk)
Hope that helps
Post # 16
I don’t think it’s going to delay an engagement if you are planning on getting engaged already. Since you have a plan for the relationship, I don’t think that moving in together will change it. But for couples who haven’t talked about marriage, it could delay a proposal because the two aren’t on the same page about their relationship and where they want to go.