(Closed) do you think marrige is restricting and stifles you or your individuality?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t think so.  I think as long as the two of you fully support eachother, it allows you to do at least as much if not more than you could on your own.  The level of independence varies in every relationship… I feel like you will have been in a relationship long enough by the time you get married to know the level of freedom that you want to both give to and be given by your SO. 

I know my sister does believe that it stifles your individual identity, but I’m not quite sure why, and she and I disagree on the topic of marriage 🙂

Post # 4
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

it depends on the marriage , sometimes a supportive partner can help somebody grow as a person and strengthen their individual identity

Post # 5
Member
443 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t, but I also don’t think you’ll get an accurate population sample on that question on a site called “WeddingBee.”

Post # 6
Member
11356 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@loving_life:  I have to state up front that the only way I know how to answer this question is from a Christian spiritual perspective, and I know that many others will not share my point of view.

During my wedding to Darling Husband, I read aloud a quote from Christian psychologist Dr. Richard Dobbins, whose definition of Christian, married love literally helped to define my understanding of marriage about two decades before I met and exchanged vows with Darling Husband.  Here is the quote:

“Christian married love is the persistent effort on the part of two people to create for each other the circumstances in which each can become the person God intended him or her to be — a better person than he or she could become alone.”

I believe that the Bible teaches that, in marriage, “the two shall become one.”  That means, in a Chrisian marriage, two whole, independent individuals must merge their lives together to become “one flesh.”  Instead of life being about what either invididual person desires or what previously may have seemed best for one person, it must now be about what is best for the new partnership. This is often not easy, and, based upon my own experience as well as resources that I’ve read and those to which I have listened, there is a whole lot of “dying to self” that has to occur for a Christian marrige to be successful.  Although I was very acccustomed to this concept as a Christian single, who had many years of experience in surrendering her plans and will to God’s plans and will, it was a whole OTHER story entirely to learn to also do this in marriage, lol! I’ve found that it is much easier to “get along” with God, who is perfect and who loves me unconditionally, than another imperfect person like myself, who also has to work hard at trying to love unconditionally. 🙂

So, these two thoughts together form my understanding that, yes, marriage does indeed “restrict” us in some ways. However, IN marriage, we now have a partner, whose job, in part, is to actually help us to become more of the person (i.e. individual) that God actually intends us to be.  In other words, in marriage, we do have to surrender (give up) certain things, but we also gain a great deal as well — things that we likely could not gain if we were alone.

Post # 7
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t think so. FH and I work together and he loves me for who I am and vice versa. I feel like we compliment each other.

With a good relationship you’re going to grow, not be restrained.

Post # 9
Member
7609 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Nope.

Post # 10
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

nope.  It restricts your ability to be selfish–you can’t have everything you want all the time.  Usually that manifests in small ways–eating the chicken your partner cooked tonight when you really wanted fish or to get pizza, picking a color rug that is your second choice because the first choice one really irritates your partner, etc.  You have to be less selfish in a marriage than as a single person–much like becoming a parent forces you to be even less selfish.  If you see that as restricting or stifling your individuality you probably aren’t ready to be in the partnership that is marriage.

Post # 11
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

No.

Post # 12
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Any relationship can, if you let it.

If you have a strong identity, and your spouse does too, and you can work together to make each other’s lives better, then marriage can magnify your identity or personality – but you have to have one of your own to start with.

Post # 13
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@ProfessorGirl:  Your first sentence is word for word what I was going to say!

Post # 14
Member
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

Nope, he supports me  and gives me confidence to do things that encourage individuality (:

Post # 15
Member
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

@ProfessorGirl:  Totally agree, well said (:

Post # 16
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

oh man… I hate to be the only one… but I also hate to lie… yes

I absolutely adore my Darling Husband and I am a much better person with him by my side. I in no way would change that, but I can’t lie and say that I haven’t change some of my future life plans to make them more ‘spouse’ compatable. Will I still travel the world? yes, will I spend 3 years living in Israel working in Tsvat and teaching yoga? probaby not

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