Do you think men are getting caught up on the “perfect proposal”?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

i think it depends on the couple and what the guy think his girl want. some girls want pizzaz and some just want to be married.

Post # 3
1155 posts
Bumble bee

I think it’s actually hard to tell from the stories I read on the Bee. Often it sounds like the guy’s “concerns” about the perfect proposal are just a stalling tactic, but it’s hard to say! So I don’t know which percentage of non-proposing guys are stalling and which are actually concerned about everything being perfect. 

Post # 4
9443 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Not any of the guys I know in real life. I can only think of one couple I know where the man had someone take pictures/video but it was just a friend helping out not a professional photographer.

Pretty much all of my friends/family’s proposals have been pretty low key. My husband proposed on a camping trip, not elaborate but perfect for us. He did postpone until we actually had a chance to go camping which was a little later in the year than usual. I knew he had the ring. I did not care at all that he had it for 6 months, I absolutely loved my proposal. I’m sure I would have loved anything he did but it was sweet that he wanted to make it special.

Post # 5
5730 posts
Bee Keeper

Expressing the need to wait for the perfect ring, time, place is often code for “I’m not sure you’re the one, but I’ll pretend you are”.

What I do believe is that inordinate attention is being paid to proposals which borders on ridiculous, How like our society to fetishize something that used to be private and special and turn it into a show for social media.

Post # 6
10408 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
sunburn :  

Yep, absolutely all this . For guys who really don’t want to commit, its  been a godsend , making her wait for  the proposal and  ring she “really deserves” . With the added advantage of being able to blame/punish  her for ‘spoiling’ it if she brings the subject up. 

Post # 7
1509 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Most people I know don’t even share their engagement stories to extended circles.  I only know the stories of my closest friends and family.  The most any of the guys seemed to have planned is a dinner reservation and a scope out of the place beforehand to find a private place to pop the question.  Many were hiking, or otherwise on holidays, but they didn’t setup anything else to make it special. 

I don’t think elaborate is near the norm yet, you probably just hear more about the elaborate ones. 

Post # 8
7225 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I think some guys might get caught up in feeling the pressure to please their girlfriends, but I also think most proposals aren’t really over the top or photo shoot/Instagram worthy.

Post # 10
13567 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I do think it’s become a case of outdoing the Jones’ and an expectation of an over the top proposal in some cases. But when I hear stories about the “need” to wait for a particular season of the year or when the ring was purchased months and months ago with no proposal in sight, I think it’s usually a case of foot dragging. 

At home proposals can be intimate and beautiful and there are plenty of romantic ways to propose that take very little time or money to plan. I think the idea that someone can’t wait another day to propose is much sweeter than a viral video worthy spectacle, personally. 

Post # 11
540 posts
Busy bee

Not sure if this is related, but I feel that the value of a proposal is becoming lost the more we progress into the future.

People are more interested in the how than they are excited for the gesture itself. 

Post # 12
13567 posts
Honey Beekeeper

And another big part of it is since many couples live together and the proposal itself is rarely coming as a complete surprise these days, the formal ask has “had” to be elevated in order to compensate. 

Post # 13
5170 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I don’t think so, often when those proposals take place you find out after that the girl has heavily hinted about what she wanted from the proposal. I see women on the bee all the time saying “I only asked that there was a professional photographer, and that I had my nails done, and that I had a cute outfit.”

Post # 14
3649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

I think it can be the case. There’s been no shortage of proposal do over posts from people who didn’t feel their proposal was special enough (nevermind the fact that someone is asking them to spend the rest of their life with them). So I can absolutely imagine that some people feel an immense pressure to do something worthy of a Facebook video. 

But I also think it can be a stall tactic for some who just need to buy time until they decide if they really want to marry their partner. 

Post # 15
676 posts
Busy bee

Yeah in my circle it’s been a very mixed bag of “at home” spur of the moment type proposals (mine included – I was in my running gear with no bra on for God’s sake!) which are intimate and lovely, to awkward conversations over dinner with no actual “on the knee proposal” as such, to planned things whilst hiking, skydiving etc. Mixed bag. 

Im in Ireland tho so I don’t think it had gotten quite as “Insta’d” as the US just yet – at least not with the proposal photog/videos!!

i do agree tho that where this idea of waiting for the picture perfect proposal is a problem is where one person seems to be holding it over another’s head – like a carrot treat for it when they behave – or a stalling tactic. 

I also don’t really see the point in the elaborate proposal / proposal at all where a couple are obviously already planning a wedding / set a date etc. The idea of having done that and then be waiting wringing hands worried about when the proposal is going to happen is just glorifying the event. Time has greatly changed how relationships work and what proposals look like. 

Its lovely if it’s a complete surprise, but with more couples now planning the proposal / ring together – it has lost its real meaning, so as a P.O. said – the act itself is becoming banker momentous to try to overcome that. 

Do-over demands make me cringe the most

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