Do you think men are getting caught up on the “perfect proposal”?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 16
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

This strikes me as an immaturity thing.

FH and I are 34. We have discussed it. Hes not going to do a big public proposal bc he would feel super uncomfortable. Ive told him I dont care about a “show” but I would like it to be something meaningful to him and I. Something like on a hike together (locally), or even at home in the right circumstances, etc.

Post # 17
Member
851 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

No.. any guy who hesitates I think uses it as a excuze because they are not ready or not sure if you are the one.

I dont know any men who would hold of proposing to someone they really love and want to marry to make it “perfrect” .. its the woman who want pintrest perfect not the men usually

Post # 18
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

I asked FH about this and he said there’s definitely a lot of pressure and a lot of people judge the guy based on that.  Being impressive in whatever fashion I think is a common concern for a lot of guys.  He also said the closer it gets to the day they are going to do it the scarier it is.  He said he didn’t care if it was “perfect” but he definitely wanted it to be special, and he said he went through probably 10 different ideas of how to do it before he chose one.

Post # 19
Member
7806 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

My husband absolutely felt pressure for this. We’d been together for almost 10 years (since we were 16), and his brother did a pretty intricate proposal so he and the rest of his family were laying it on pretty thick. He was also the first of his friends to propose, so I think there was a bit of pressure there too lol. I had a legit fairy tale proposal, but I would have absolutely loved being proposed to at home in our PJs drinking wine or something. He wouldn’t have done it any sooner (he purposely wanted it to be on our anniversary), but we would have saved like $5k (whisked away on a spontaneous trip). I’m happy that he got to do it his way, but I do hate that he felt pressured to make it so big. 

Post # 20
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2018 - City, State

Personally I think it comes down to specific places and their social expectations. None of my friends got showy proposals. My first proposal was at a dinner we had a private room and I thought that was OTT.

Im from Australia. pretty low key casual imo 

 

Americans seem very showy to me. (generalizing!)

My fiance (american) proposed to his Ex and I heard involved an aquarium.

His proposal to me was very public at a racecourse with a string duo, a banner, photographer and his immediate family and friends there. 

Prior to our proposal Id mentioned that I was lowkey easy to please but He told me that in his opinion the proposal was his chance to show how he cared and everyone asks how it was done and it was one of the times he gets to impress not just me but anyone asking. And honestly this is a guy who does what he wants and doesnt care what others think generally but there definitely seemed to be some expectation he felt he needed to meet. Not necessarily for the internet but maybe society in general. It definitely was not from me lol. 🙂

I loved my proposal most of it had very sentimental meaning to us (eg the string duet had learnt our song which is a big thing for us) and I see him puff with pride when I tell anyone about it and it makes me happy to see. 

Post # 21
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

Do you guys ever think that men have begun to succumb to the idea that they NEED to propose in the “perfect”, Instagram worthy, way in order to make women happy? 

YES – it’s bloody ridiclous in my opinion. My proposal was very romantic and he put a lot of effort into it, he did, but honestly he could have done it in the bathroom of our house and I’d of still cried like a baby. I also didn’t capture any of our proposal because I was too caught up in the moment to even think of whipping my phone out to take photos of the rose petals or whatever.. I don’t know like I love to watch and look at proposals on the gram, and I enjoy it and I love to see the joy between the couple but I also just think like the ones that are captured about 89% of those the girl must have known in some form of another. 

Post # 22
Member
702 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I think everyone puts too much pressure on the ‘perfect’ proposal. If it isn’t instagram worthy it isn’t worthy at all, seems to be the consensus in my social circle. My husband proposed at home on Christmas Eve, and I’ve gotten some shit about having a ‘boring’ or ‘unplanned’ proposal from the girls that are waiting for their own, and it stings. Just because my proposal wasn’t at the top floor of a rented city restaurant doesn’t make it any less valid. We had picked the ring, we knew we wanted to be married, and it was an intimate and heartfelt moment for both of us. 

If I’d have demanded a fancy proposal I don’t know when it would have happened, and I can’t imagine putting the pressure of planning something instagram perfect on my poor husband. 

Post # 23
Member
2949 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

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peekaboobs :  It hasn’t been my experience in my circle. Everyone who’s gotten engaged in recent years has either been somewhat low-key with it or had a plan that went sideways one way or another but still forged ahead with it.

It’s great if a guy wants to surprise his partner with something special, but I definitely would side-eye it if a guy was pushing off an engagement saying that he needs more time to plan, etc. The vast majority of proposee’s would prefer to just be asked the damn question, whether it’s in Paris or in their living room. 

In the last few years, two of my brothers, my best friend, a coworker, another friend and my partner and I have all gotten engaged.

The one brother didn’t have a formal proposal – they went ring shopping together, picked out their sets, and then started wearing the rings when they came in. 

The other brother asked his now-wife while on a little weekend trip together.

My best friend asked his fiance on their 5th dating anniversary. He meant to ask while they were out for dinner, but the ‘right moment’ never came and he didn’t want it to feel forced or awkward. He ended up giving her the ring and asking her while she was in the bathroom wiping off her make up after they got home lol

The co-worker was asked by her now-husband on their way back from a ski trip with friends and it went totally off-plan. He had intended to ask her at some point during the weekend and had a bottle of champagne set aside all weekend for after he did it, but they never ended up having a good moment alone the whole time and he was acting all weird on the drive home, stopping “to pee” in every little town along the way… turns out he was trying to find plastic wine glasses at every gas station they stopped at so that he could ask her before they got home and pop the bubbly lol She finally was like “dude, wtf is up with you?” and he told her so she told him to just do it so he gave her the ring and  they degrassi’d the champagne haha

My other friend who just got engaged asked his fiance while on a hike the other weekend.

My fiance asked me while we were at a friend’s cottage for the weekend and got on with it despite me completely ruining everything haha He had the ring in his pocket and finally found a moment alone with the two of us standing on the dock the one morning just chatting. I realised I needed to poop and told him so and he was like “ok” and I could tell he was a bit upset by me walking away from the conversation for some reason and asked why. He said he had been wanting to talk about some stuff so I said ok I can wait, but he obviously didn’t want me t o be focused on holding in a poo while he was proposing lol so he told me  to go ahead and come back out. So I did. Imagine how fucking ridiculous I felt when it turned out to be a proposal… lol 

Post # 24
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

i think that with the rise of social media most things have become exaggerated. it definitely depends on the couple. my husband told me he was driving himself crazy trying to think of the “best” thing to do. then he just ended up getting down on one knee next to our trash can. and ya know what, it was the best thing ever!

Post # 26
Member
2544 posts
Sugar bee

I think the guys that do genuinely stress about it being perfect are taking cues from their girlfriends  who have said or implied that they want something grand. Either that or they’re not communicating enough about it.

The ones that claim they are waiting for the *perfect time* whose girlfriends say “i don’t need a grand proposal” are most likely stalling. 

Post # 27
Member
2949 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

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peekaboobs :  Yup… and he absolutely LOVES reminding me about it… and telling people around it… fucker.

He also makes fun of me for what he calls my “Gollum moment”. I was caught off guard by the proposal and just straight up grabbed the ring and put it on my own finger… didn’t even let him finish asking or say yes… 

Post # 28
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

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sboom :  i was so caught off guard i literally turned around and ran away! these men i tell ya! he still makes fun of me for it. not my fault! not yours either!

Post # 29
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Omg I am SO seeing this in my circle and it drives me crazy!! (I HATE social media) It’s like people care more about the spectacle and the social media attention and being “omg the cutest couple everrrr” to their friends than they do about getting married!! I just don’t get it man. Sometimes I think it’s an age thing? Like, with younger people getting engaged today and they’re so obsessed with their social media presence that the whole proposal thing is changing. I don’t know.

My husband’s brother recently proposed and IMO it was ridiculous. They’d bought a ring together and had it for a few months. She planned out the entire day for them. She got her hair done, got her nails done. And he proposed complete with a photographer, then posted about 70 photos of the proposal on social media. Literally like a play-by-play of every movement from the entire interaction. Oh and did I mention that he created a Facebook and an Instagram account just for this occasion? Lol. Our circle of friends hasn’t stopped making fun of him since. Like who creates social media accounts and hastily builds up followers just so they can post this shit and get attention!? I think my husband pulled a muscle from rolling his eyes so many times. He was mortified lol. It was the most contrived thing I’ve ever seen. Like to me, showy proposals like that are just to show off how adorable and in love you are. They’re for everyone else, they’re not for the couple.

Now my best guy friend is proposing soon and he is absolutely pulling his hair out trying to find the perfect spot, the perfect photographer, the perfect place for an after-party to celebrate. It’s so absurd to me, he’s driving himself insane trying to pull it off. Can you tell I’m annoyed by this trend hahaha

Needless to say, DH and I agree with PP that this is maturity thing!

Post # 30
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

View original reply
sboom :  Omg I just nearly peed my pants at work. Gollum moment!!! I’m dying 

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