(Closed) do you think MIL attachment issues cease after the wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: Will MIL back off after the wedding?
    Nope, never. : (14 votes)
    58 %
    Maybe a little, but if you have had issues for this long then you will probably always have issues. : (10 votes)
    42 %
    Yes! You're free! : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    7 years and she’s STILL not getting better? sorry babe, old habits die hard.

    For us, what really made the switch was that Dh moved away for 4 years. Cord cutting ensued. But, Darling Husband doesn’t think seeing his family “once or twice a week” isn’t too much to ask. Finally i asked him to put the shoe on the other foot. We talked about it, and it’s different when it’s YOUR family versus your in laws.

    1) put down boundaries about when they can come over. Just b/c they live super close (which i have to admit, probably wasn’t the best choice, so nip it in the bud RIGHT NOW) doesn’t mean they are entitled to come over ALL THE TIME. Not cool. We live 30 minutes away from DH’s family b/c they like to go on walks together and hang out ALL the time.

    2) Sometimes family celebrations are one sided. I understand why you are upset, but at the same time, I think you could possibly be reading into this too much (maybe not, you know her, i don’t)

    3) YOu need to talk to your husband about family boundaries. my husband’s family does EVERYTHING together. Mother’s Day bbqs, Memorial Day get togethers, if there’s a holiday, we MUST go over. My rule is that it’s not freakin’ all day b/c i’ts my holiday, too, and I really don’t want to just sit around at a bbq all day long with his extended family (who we see plenty).If your family is close and you are concerned about holidays being one-sided, you need to take the initiative (your husband, too) to invite your family along to FAMILY celebrations. Or, host a few yourself.

    You and your husband need to establish what’s OK with his family and what’s not. If he doesn’t see an issue with any of it, you’ll really have to try to get him to at least see and respect your point of view. For our family events, when I’m tired, I have every right to tell my husband I’m done and I want to go home now. We usually leave soon after. He doesn’t always realize when too much is too much because it’s his family, and i can only handle so much hullaballoo and I’d imagine you’re the same.

    Post # 4
    Member
    98 posts
    Worker bee

    I don’t think it will get better unless BOTH your husband and you set firm boundaries.  If your husband doesn’t see a problem with things she’s doing or doesn’t want to stand up to his mom, then you’re probably not going to change anything. 

    The topic ‘do you think MIL attachment issues cease after the wedding?’ is closed to new replies.

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