(Closed) Do you think some women are after the wedding and not the marriage?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
6391 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I don’t know about her specifically, but I’m sure there are a very few people who are in it just to day they’re married and have the wedding. I’m guessing it’s a miniscule proportion on people, though.

Post # 4
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I don’t know about being in it for the wedding as opposed to the marriage, but I do think that sometimes during the planning process, some people temporarily lose sight of it until after the wedding is over.

Post # 5
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

i actually think a lot of women want the wedding. not to say that they don’t love their SOs, but idk…i have watched shows where they are all trying to out-do one another, and then my gosh, some of those bridezilla shows – the girls are soooo transparent. it’s obvious that they just want the “day” so to speak. i really feel that a lot of people get married for the wrong reasons, one of them being because they want a huge, fancy party. $.02

Post # 6
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

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@Cappugcino: i toally agree with this. well put.

Post # 7
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

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@ijustrockout: I totally agree. I think all this push to have a fabulous wedding is part of the reason we have so many divorces. If some of these girls would spend half of the time making sure they are prepared for marriage as they do making sure their day is perfect, I think we would see a lot less divorces.

Post # 8
Member
5109 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

Agreed I think the wedding planning beast takes over every once in a while..

Post # 9
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Sometimes it’s hard for a friend to see other friend(s) getting engaged when they are not. Like you said, you never really know someone elses situation. You can’t judge someones relationship from the outside. Maybe she called your friend back because she didn’t want to seem unexcited and she needed a minute. I went through it with a friend of mine. While I was sad she wasn’t jumping up and down, I realized that being in her position I might feel the same way. It isn’t easy to see a friend be engaged if it’s something she is really hoping for herself. It’s true that some people may only be in it for the ring, or some variation thereof. If that is the case, it would really be her business.

Post # 10
Member
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

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@ijustrockout: totally agree that some women are like that.  Very sad, but its reality. Me, on the other hand (and I’m sure all of us on this post) couldn’t wait to get the wedding over to start on the marriage! 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’ve talked about this before, but my mom says that some girls get what she calls the “White Dress Syndrome” aka the “Insert Groom Here Syndrome”. They get to a point (especially if a lot of their friends are getting married) where they want their time in the spotlight. I think a lot of these girls marry they guy they’re currently with just because they want a wedding, and haven’t adequately thought about or planned for a future with these guys. I personally have 2 friends from college who obviously did this, and they are now going through divorces.

Post # 12
Member
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

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@CanAmBride: that’s really sad. Not sure who I feel sorry for more – the woman who feel they need a wedding, or the men who think they love them enough to marry them.  This reminds me of the woman who planned her whole wedding without even having a groom! I mean, who does that?

Post # 14
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2011

One of my old neighbors did this exact thing! She was a serial dater and just wanted to be married so she would have help with her child. Everyone saw right thru her and dumped her until she found this really sweet guy who was looking for love.  They planned a wedding and were married in no time.  She just wanted the wedding day, not the marriage or the man.  It lasted 4 months and she kicked him out of their condo and basically left him with nothing.  So yeah, it happens.  It’s very sad to think that people really do this though.  Marriage is such a beautiful thing and vows should be taken seriously.

Post # 15
Member
500 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I do think some women just want to be married, just to say their  married, and have a wedding. Honestly I’m more excited about being married to my Fiance than the actual wedding itself. 

Post # 16
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I definitely think the excitement of this time of life can be dazzling, and I could see how it might sway someone into wanting it all (the ring, the wedding, AND the marriage), even if that isn’t what is happening naturally.  For me personally, I live in a community where all the girls my age are young and married, usually with toddlers.  It makes it really, really, really hard on the single girls.  The girl I lived with was single and 25 – which is 100% normal!  However, she felt like something was wrong with her because she didn’t know anyone else who was her age and not engaged/waiting/married.  It has actually been awful because she keeps forcing love in relationships.  I’m sorry, but when 4 guys in a row are “IT”, I can tell that  none of them were it.  I’m afraid for her that this puts her in a dangerous situation where she might settle on something. 

I have thought about this before, and I am really happy I found DH when marriage was the last thing on my mind.  It actually shocked me.  I realized I wanted to be his wife more than anything, and it was a little panicky for me because I thought, “Oh no!  This is too early!  This was supposed to happen later.”  But since I had found him, I couldn’t live without him.  It really is a blessing because now I can’t oneday doubt my motives for marrying.  However, I absolutely believe that you can find the love of your life even if you are looking for marriage.  It just might make things mentally difficult at some point.  It is ridiculous that I was last of my friends to get married at 25.  I feel like especially in the South, it really is an issue – with all our progress, there is still the feeling here that the normal thing for girls to do is be wives above everything else.  So I guess my answer to the question is that I can see how some brides may be after the “role” of wife, without respecting the fact that every marriage is different and has everything to do with the individuals involved.  It is not about finding a husband.  It is about meeting a person who inspires you to be a wife.

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