(Closed) Do you think some women want the wedding but not the marriage?

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: What's your opinion?

    Yes - I know a girl who wants a big wedding but not the marriage

    No -

    Maybe

    Unsure

  • Post # 47
    Member
    9162 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    @happilyeveraftergirl:  I agree with what a lot of people have already said.

    I also think that a lot of people especially women think that getting married will solve their relationship problems. These are usually the same women that think having a baby will save their relationship.

    Post # 48
    Member
    69 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I definitely think that can be true for some people. However, I also think, with pinterest especially, it is easy to get caught up in wedding planning. I find myself asking why I’m so concerned with some unimportant aspects of the wedding and wondering how this and that will look photographed. The truth of the matter is that I would be just as happy getting married without the big wedding.

    Post # 49
    Member
    2091 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I was never one of those girls who grew up dreaming about a wedding, the dress, the ring, the ambiance of it all. I just wanted a loving and happy realtionship. I literally just mentioned in my last post that my FI’s sister wants to be a “wife” and “married and have a “husband” just so that she can pretend that she is superior to single women. She had a wedding that she could not afford at the time (I think she spent her retirement money) in a place with a bunch of people she herself has said that she did not even like. It was all for appearances and to show off that she was a wealthy American and better than the peasants from her homeland… She married a man that she lies about and acts like he is soooo wonderful. We all know they are lying and it is pathetic. 

    Too many people get married just because they want a wedding, they want to say that they are a “wife” and have a “husband, without understanding what that committment is supposed to mean. This idiot cheated on her last husband with this husband?! Marriage is about REAL love, committment, honesty, and HARD WORK! It is not some fantasy; her husband said he thought she would “change” her behavior when they got married! People don’t magically change after getting married (he’s been married before, too). 

    I am marrying my Fiance because we love each other, so much that we want to make a legal, emotional, physical, and mental union for the rest of our days on Earth (and preferably beyond)Smile. We realize that in relationships of all kinds there are rough patches; problems need to be worked out. Your marriage will fall apart if you do not do it for the right reasons. Most people say that they will not get divorced, yet more than half still do. We have to know each other well and have a committment, love, a willingness to work, and even a prayer or a bit of luck depending on what you believe. The wedding should not be the pinnacle, it is just one step in a long relationship journey!

    Post # 50
    Member
    420 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m sure some women want the wedding and don’t really pay attention to who they are marrying, and I’m sure there are some women who want the marriage and don’t care much about the wedding.

    Post # 51
    Member
    1863 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    …it turns out when he proposed the first time she cried and said he wasn’t even considering her feelings! How dare he propose during movie night in her apartment! 

    Surprised

    Post # 52
    Member
    2116 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @happilyeveraftergirl

    yeah i know a couple women who say wedding talk that screams that. some women get on these time lines paths instead of going with the flow and just think this is what needs done next. (like DHs ex) also in our society a woman getting married is sort of a jump in status among other women. and respectable towards men. (i also think this is why men are reluctant to get married because also in our society its revered to be a bachelor and not tied down, hence why they dont have the same tendencies) so its sorta built into some women (i think) that if they have this big wedding or just get married that they are living some sort of dream thats been installed over many years. they just dont realize that we dont live in a fairy tale and that marriage is soemthing you have to work at every day. that you cant just do it and live happily ever after. some are just selfish and want , instead of to give. at least this has been my experiance. when my Brother-In-Law got married to his prego- three month dating- mexican girlfriend people pittied me because i wasnt married to his brother and we had been dating for a few years. and im just like “are you guys crazy im glad im not her right now” but there was so much of it “oh dont worry your turn will come around” ” he WILL ask you, dont worry” well i wasnt worried untill you all started saying shit, i actually think his mom cried for me..?? that is the society that we live in. when a man isnt married at 35, no body thinks anything of it. but the pressure for a woman to marry by then is quite large. it puts some women in a position to feel like they need to get that out of the way.anyways..

    okay that my two cents… hehe.

    Post # 53
    Member
    5285 posts
    Bee Keeper

    YEP!!! I have a friend lke this that talks about her wedding all the time but her BF is a jerk and not hte right guy for her at all! I think alot of people watch all the shows on TV and get all these ideas but they fail to realize what things willbe like after all the fun wedding stuff is done

    Post # 54
    Member
    509 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    I already have the marriage, but now want a “wedding” party, we were living together for a long time before going to the court house. so a wedding party for my is a celebration, not the actual marriage

    Post # 55
    Member
    935 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    @happilyeveraftergirl:  I think Bridezillas and the obsession with brides being the center of attention started LONG BEFORE Pinterest.

    Why so much Pinterest hate on the bee?

    But to answer the question – I don’t know anyone like this but I’m sure there are women out there that are more interested in the wedding

    Post # 56
    Member
    1081 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Maybe from day one, I don’t expect attention and spotlight from others. I have no expectation that I will be the center of attention, even 10 of my oversea relatives are flying from Asia to attend my wedding.  While I do plan for my wedding, I focus more on how to mentally prepare myself to move in with my Fiance and his family.  I have always been living with my parents for the 31 years (due to culture expectation, I am not allow to leave the house as per my mom…… until I’m married). 

     

    suddenly, I’m living with him and his mom and his brother’s family (FMIL permenatly, and his brother’s family temporarily…. I hope) make me think… 

    Post # 57
    Member
    4753 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    there is no answer for me which is:

    YES but I don’t personally know someone.

    The topic ‘Do you think some women want the wedding but not the marriage?’ is closed to new replies.

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