(Closed) Do you think that as you get older you love you're partner lessposted 5 years ago in Relationships
- 5 years ago
I’m not married, but I have been conditioned to believe marriage isn’t so black & white as OP wants to tell herself. For one, you should marry your best friend. Two, marriage won’t be starting at the top of a mountain and working your way down gradually….it’s hills, bumps, & mountains. Sometimes one or both partners will fall into a crater climbing between those mountains.. and if one isn’t there to help pull the other back up, there’s your divorce. I wouldn’t consider a couple in their 80s, having not had sex in 20 years, to be “in a rut” or “having trouble”. You sound idealistic OP. You sound like you try to apply Hollywood to real life. I hope you’re not marrying this man because you want to have a wedding…or because its time, and “everybody else is geting married”. I sincerely hope you’re ready to get saggy & wrinkly with another human being…because that’s what real life will be. Not saying that’s all you’ll get out of the marriage…but you gotta be okay, ready, and willing to wipe someone else’s butt should the need arise. You gotta be ready to give.
If you marry the right person you genuinely love, your times of toil and servitude toward another will be masked with happiness and joy. It’s not really “servitide” but in essence, you’ve promised to serve this person as in you are the other half of the marriage, and to make he or she happy to the best of your ability. You don’t go into marriage with a selfish heart. You go into it hoping to give. To give, not based on what you can get in return, but selflessly giving to bring joy to this other person and the famity you might create. The feeling will be mutual with the right partner and you’ll rarely have to strest about “not geting enough”. Moments of feeling as if you’re not getting what you’re putting in will always happen, but they’ll become less and less as time goes on.
I’m not saying everybody will always be sunshine and roses, but at the end of the day (or better yet, at the end of life), you won’t be looking back regretting what you didn’t do. You’ll be thankful for what you did get to do and with whom you did it. I’d go into marriage with the mindset “is this the person I want to get fat and/or decrepit with?”…and my SO is the “yes” every time. I’ll see those wrinkles on his forehead and smile because it’ll be our children that probably caused those wrinkles. Or he’ll see my gray hair and stretch marks and be reminded of how I got those, thanks to him….thanks to us…and the life we lived together. Those “flaws” and other undesirable characteristics will become the concrete evidence of our time together on this earth. He might wake up one day thinking he would rather have 25 year old me back, but then he’s reminded of what hard work it took to bring us from 25 years old to 75 years old. Hopefully he’ll be too lazy to start over…and I doubt he’ll have another 50 years to spend on another person. Your love won’t dissipate…and it wont magically go away one day. If it does, it’s not right. If you are afraid of this OP, and assuming you’re not a troll, I would think long and hard about getting married…perhaps postpone for a while until you’re sure?
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