(Closed) Do you think that couples should talk about engagement?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

Yes, I think couples should definitely talk about being engaged. A guy that gets rejected when he proposes obviously isn’t on the same page as the girl. I’m not sure that the couple has to dicuss EVERYTHING but I think long term goals/planning should be decided together.

Post # 4
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think talking about getting married, yes. talking about getting engaged, maybe not so much. I mean hopefully by the time a guy proposes there has been enough talk about marriage and maybe timelines that he knows he is getting a yes. But I think the details of engagement should maybe be left up to the guy. 

Post # 5
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee

No I don’t think it’s sane for the guy to go out and buy the ring without knowing if the partner is ready.  I believe communication is very important in the relationship.  The couple should talk about engagement sooner or later in the relationship just to make sure their on the same page.  While they may not have the same timeline it is important to know whether or not their SO wants to get engaged at all.  If they talk before hand they have a less likely chance of getting rejected.

Post # 6
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Yes I think it’s completely insane to propose/get proposed to without any prior discussion. Waaaaaay to big of a decision for it to be a ‘surprise’..

Post # 7
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Broken proposals? On YouTube?? (I’m running there as soon as I get off this thread because I’m snarky like that and that sound much, much better than writing some stupid dissertation).

I know of a broken proposal and that time it WAS the guy going out and being spontaneous (and way, way, too soon)–which I think is romantic, but the insane kind of “I live in a Katherine Heigl flick” romantic. Did it help that said dude was an actor and perhaps a bit prone to dramatics?

Post # 8
Member
1766 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Yes, I think there should be definitely talks about marriage before a couple gets engaged.  They should also talk about what marriage means to them. I wouldn’t want to vow to spend the rest of my life with him, only to find out after that he thinks kids are a pest, or whatever else that goes completely against my beliefs.

Post # 9
Member
362 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think it’s a bit silly to propose if the talk of weddings/engagement hasn’t been talked about enough to know the other is on the same page. It’s almost like setting yourself up for failure.

Post # 10
Member
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think people should def. talk about getting married before the thought of proposing. My now Darling Husband wanted to get married long before I did, and at one point he wanted to go out and buy a ring and I flat out told him no, because if he proposed I wouldn’t say yes because I wasn’t ready. Well about a year or so passed, and we got engaged because we both were ready, and now we are married!

I also know of 2 friends that got surprise proposals and said yes and then later went on to call off the engagement because once the reality set in they weren’t ready. Needless to say neither of them are with those guys, and one of them is actually happily engaged to the man of her dreams!

Post # 11
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think that talk in inevitable to make sure you’re both on the same page.

I’d imagine that the proposals that got turned down were either spontaneous ones or perhaps they’d talked about getting married but recently been fighting and the dude is all like “THIS will fix it” – perhaps the right idea at the wrong time.

Post # 12
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Fiance said he was nervous all day when he proposed.  I was surprised, because we had been together for 4 years, and talked about marriage/wedding stuff several times.  He KNEW I would say yes, but he said there is always that question of, “what if” you know?

Post # 13
Member
1871 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Ouch. Although, honestly? I really can’t understand the whole “Let’s get engaged in front of the entire Staples Center/Madison Square Garden/Fenway Park!!” If a guy asked me, I’d say no on principle.

Post # 14
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

we talked about the whole marriage/engagement thing a million times before we got engaged. i am a control freak and could nevr be happy letting him just make the decision on his own when we were ready to get married. if you don’t want to talk about the actual ring or engagement that’s fine, but at least make sure you are both on the same page about marriage.

Post # 15
Member
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Yes – it is absolutely insane to me that any guy would propose without knowing that she’ll say yes.  And you only know that if you’ve discussed marriage/engagements within your relationship.  Personally, I also think any girl who is totally surprised by an engagement is crazy to say yes.  That surprise should be a sign that there are already major things (like communication) off in the relationship.

Now I’m not saying that girls should know the exact moment the ring is coming.  The weekend Darling Husband proposed to me, I didn’t know it was happening.  But we’d dicussed and were both on the same page that it would be coming sometime in the next 6 months or so.  So I wasn’t at all surprised that he was proposing but I didn’t know the exact moment he’d planned it either.  That is the ideal situation IMO.

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