(Closed) Do you think that couples should talk about engagement?

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
983 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I know! I’ve been totally watching them! I can’t decide whether some might be staged (?) but either way, they’re totally painful.

However, I can’t help but think that in those instances, it like, HAS to be a case that you’re talking about–like they haven’t talked about it and the guy’s insane. I mean, there’s TONS of pressure to say yes if you’re in those situations, so I bet you’ve got to either have big cajones or be freaked out of your mind to say no.

Or like me, you just find that whole thing a complete violation of your privacy (but I’m like that–had DH asked me in a similar manner, I’d seriously reconsider our relationship–it’d mean he really didn’t know me) and are just really, really, pissed off in the moment.

Post # 18
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I have always believed that a couple should definitely talk about getting married before getting engaged.  Whether or not they discuss the specifics of the engagement is a case-by-case basis.  My parents always told me that a good proposal should be a little-picture surprise (in that you didn’t know it was coming exactly then) but not a big-picture surprise (aka your world isn’t completely blown when it happens).  Just my two cents!

Post # 19
Member
7038 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think it is insane to not talk about the biggest decision/commitment of your life with your partner. I think healthy relationship = open communication and open communication = talking about engagement prior to it happening

Post # 20
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Wow, I’ve never heard of a proposal rejection – I’m going to have to Youtube that when I get home just to prove it exists! I think in general by the time the ring is presented, the couple has both verbally admitted they want to get married if not already planned the wedding.

Post # 21
Member
4211 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Yes, couples should definitely talk about marriage and getting engaged. We talked about a timeline for getting married/engaged and he told me it was 2 years and then 6 months later he proposed!!!

I just think both people in the relationship need to be fully prepared and committed for such a life changing event!

Post # 23
Member
8246 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@JillBill: That’s exactly what I was trying to explain!  Little-picture surprise is great but big-picture surprise should be a huge red flag!

Post # 24
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@moderndaisy: Tell my ex that – who showed up uninvited at Thanksgiving at my parent’s house 2 hours away and then proposed. Yeah…NOT okay.

Post # 25
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

My cousin did this. He proposed to his then-girlfriend at a volleyball game at the school where he was the coach. The proposal went up on the screen and he had a mic. She said no. Cringe-worthy!!! Then, I believe out of embarrassment, he rushed to get married to another woman who wanted to get married and have kids right away, which they did. Three boys who are incredibly misbehaved, perhaps because their parents are two of the unhappiest people I have ever met. 

Post # 26
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Couples should *definitely* talk about it! Even if they don’t do the specifics of ring shopping or anything together, they should understand each other’s wants in term of marriage.

Ugh, the only broken engagement I know of was awful! IMO, they rushed into it (were ring shopping a month after starting to date, engaged 8 months later-he had a timeline where he wanted to get married right after school), but they definitely discussed how they both wanted this. He bought the most expensive ring I’ve ever seen, proposed, and she said yes, then broke up with him a week later. She said she knew when he asked she didn’t want to marry him, but “what was she supposed to do, say no?!”. 

Post # 27
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee

Ahhh…I love watching the youtube videos.  I like the successful proposals more, but the rejections are pretty funny/mortifying.

I agree with the general sentiment above – It’s insane for a guy to just go and propose without there being some discussion first.  I think the little-picture/big-picture surprise is a great way of putting it into words.  The timing and details, sure, the bigger surprise the better!  The proposal itself shouldn’t come out of the blue.  I think it says a lot about a guy who would do something like that.  I just can’t help but worry that a guy who would do something like that doesn’t really care as much about his intended wifes opinion on things which could spell disaster in the future.

From what I understand at least one of the popular “rejection” videos was a fake.  The other fake I know of it the elaborate and cute “Disney Musical Proposal” on Main Street.  There’s a great video that de-bunks the mystery.  🙂

Post # 28
Member
625 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I think it is imperrative to talk about it before hand. How will you know the other person is ready if you DON’T talk? And some of those videos aren’t fully true. Yes, teh girls do walk away but ones like the guy who proposed at the basketball game, she just freaked out because all those people were staring at her and later she said yes.

Post # 29
Member
820 posts
Busy bee

Disclaimer:  This is my opinion, and I do not in any way mean to be offensive.

If I were a guy, I’d at least want to know that we were on the same page before proposing. 

I personally am a big believer in communication because I have experienced first hand the effects of miscommunication on a relationship.  Intramarital communication is essential for a healthy and long lasting marriage.  If a couple cannot be open enough with on another to talk about the prospect of marriage at some point, that can be a bad sign, and in my opinion, it may be a foreshadowing of future communication issues. 

I don’t, however, think that it’s essential to discuss the topic of marriage/engagement on a regular basis, but every so often it’s good to re-evaluate the relationship.  After an initial discussion, if the relationship continues to advance in a positive direction, further communitcation regarding marriage or engagement may be less direct.  That may mean little comments such as “When we are  married. . .” or “That’s why you’re going to be my husband/wife”, etc.  With this, there is still a great deal of reassurance for both parties that marriage/engagement is almost inevitable.

As a side note. . .I’m wondering if there are more proposal rejections than I think simply based on the extended return periods many jewelery stores have.

 

Post # 30
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

So INsane! I can’t believe a guy would put his girl on the spot like that unless he was 110% sure she would say yes. How humiliating for them both. I think at least a few of the rejections on youtube are staged, but some of them are so uncomfortable to watch that I think they must be real! It’s painful to read the stories other bees are posting, because I’ve gotta believe those are real.

@Miss Tattoo: I have seen that Christmas one! It made my skin crawl it was so awkward!

Post # 31
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@JennyW1: haha an MSG proposal is actually my dream one…  but we are HUGE hockey fans, and our first date was at a game.  Laughing 

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