(Closed) Do you think the first year of marriage is the hardest?

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree the first year is the hardest!. Darling Husband and I were long distance and never lived together prior to getting married so it has been difficult to get used to each others quirks. I hope it gets easier soon!

Post # 4
Member
9083 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I haven’t been married a year yet, but I lived with my husband for six months when we got married. We were already used to each other so marriage can’t surprise us.

Post # 5
Member
14445 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Not for us.  We bought our house and lived together a year before getting married.  Neither the first year living together or the first year after getting married were hard.  I think when things are new like that, it’s actually easier.  From what I’ve seen around work and the late divorces that happen after 20-30 years of marraige, what is really hard is keeping the romance going.

Post # 6
Member
7771 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Well, I do think life gets easier/ better every year in general.  We went through a lot, but that was also not necessarily because it was our first year- just dealing with family things, lay offs, things like that.  We also are getting just… better at life and our relationship as time goes on and figuring out what we want out of life and how to get it. 

Post # 7
Member
8338 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Being married hasn’t changed anything for us.

Post # 8
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

Living together the first year is probably the hardest. We’ve been living together for nearly 2 years, and had dated for 2 1/2 years prior to that (not a long-distance set-up). The first several months of living together were difficult, but we settled into a rhythm.

I can’t imagine having the big, exciting, scary build-up of a forever commitment in marriage…and then also living together for the first time. I wouldn’t entirely blame someone for getting overwhelmed in that situation and thinking, “Can I do this for the rest of my life? I’m getting out of here!”

 

Post # 9
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I don’t think it’s the first year of marriage that is the hardest. It’s the first year of living together that is the hard part.  

Post # 10
Member
4429 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@CookieCreamCakes:  lol you said that so nice ; ) im afraid its going to be hard for me not him. i have to get use to him and 2 more kids i can do this ; )

Post # 11
Member
4035 posts
Honey bee

I agree with other PP’s, I think it is more living together than being married that makes it more difficult. Which is why I chose to live with with my Fiance before marriage. We crossed the “adjustment” bridge quite awhile ago. Now, once we get married in August, we can spend our first year as a newly wed couple focusing on our relationship and not the adjustment of living together.

Post # 12
Member
11351 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I would say a resounding yes to that. 

Our entire relationship was long distance prior to marriage, and we only saw each other two-to-three times per month for hours at a time, during our dating and engaged relationship. 

For almost the entire first year after our marriage, we were only able to live together three to four days per week while I commuted between my former city and his so that I could keep working until my now-former house sold and I could resign from my job.

If you add to those challenges the fact that my Darling Husband works nearly every weekend (he’s a pastor and ends up working Saturday nights and Sundays), AND the fact that he had two, young, tween/teen-aged children at the time of our wedding, we had almost no time together where one or both of us wasn’t exhausted, occupied with more pressing matters of work or the kids, or feeling rushed or stressed.  It was anything but newlywed bliss, LOL!

Post # 13
Member
3155 posts
Sugar bee

I’ve not been married long enough to compare year to year, but the first few months of year two have been harder IMO than the first 12 of our marraige. Life changing events have added a lot of stress to our life, but at the same time we are crazy excited for what is coming in our future. 

 

Post # 14
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Still in our first year but we have lived together for two. Not hard for us, probably because we knew what to expect.

Post # 15
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee

@roweboat:  I think it has to do with the adjustment of living together. When Fiance and I moved in together,  it was tough. I think I would have taken the adjustment period as something wrong with our marriage if we had moved in together after we had gotten married. We always said that we wouldn’t move in together until we got married but things change and I am glad we did!

Post # 16
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

So far our first year has been amazing and wonderful! We did not live together before getting married. We were in a LDR before getting married and could only see each other every few months. That was unbelievably difficult. 

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