(Closed) Do you think the first year of marriage is the hardest?

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 17
Member
6474 posts
Bee Keeper

I think it depends on the relationship.

We will have been together nearly 9 years when we marry, and though we don’t live together, I don’t believe that we will have any issues adjusting due to the amount of time we spend together and the fact we know each other inside out.

Had we been together for under 2 years, or if we had a long-distance relationship so didn’t know each other and all our little ‘quirks’ that well, I imagine that our first year of marriage would perhaps be tough.

Post # 18
Member
4354 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

For us it hasn’t been so far and we are coming up on 6months PLUS I’m 23 weeks pregnant, which I thought would add stress/tension given I might be hormonal sometimes, or tired or sick but it’s been really great. We owned a home and lived together for 2.5 years before we were married so our living situation didn’t need to change at all which I think can be a large adjustment for many newlyweds who didn’t live together.

Post # 19
Member
9201 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

“The 7 Year Itch” is a cliche, but maybe there’s something to it. Our 7th year was our first difficult year. The first year was no problem, and honestly, I felt like a newlywed until the 7th. Various things were going on in our life at that time and we had some troubles. We worked through them together and were fine until year 14. The problems that year were directly related to our 14-year old daughter giving us hell. Again though, we faced them as a team and things seem to be going very well at the moment. We’ll celebrate 17 years this summer — definitely more good than bad. 

I wish everyone well during their rough year(s), whether that’s year 1, year 7, year 20, whenever. 

Post # 20
Member
1879 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

My cousins and some other married friends have all told me the first year is the hardest. The vast majority of them lived together before marriage. One couple even had a ten year old kid together at the time they got married (they’d been together like fifteen years, living together for most of that). A lot of them said that when they got married, suddenly their inner expectations regarding gender roles and stuff started coming out in ways they hadn’t when they were just living together. So I don’t know. My fiance and I have gone to premarital counseling and talked about that stuff to hopefully sort it out, but we’ll see when we get there. I’m less worried about the first year of marriage than the first year of baby, lol.

With that said, the first three months of living together were horrible. It would definitely have been overwhelming to do that right after getting married. We didn’t understand each other’s boundaries or needs, and were just SO EXCITED to be together all the time that we tried to spend all of our time together and suffocated each other. Fortunately we got it all worked out and managed to remember that occasionally people need some time to themselves.

Post # 21
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

No, I wouldn’t say that it’s true. The first year is often the blissed-out easiest! The hard times come later, when there are huge unexpected changes to deal with, or when the couple grows slowly apart from forgetting to focus on prioritizing the relationship and keeping the romace alive. Or when one of them cheats . . .

Post # 22
Member
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Been together coming up to 5 years, live together for 4 1/2 years and married for nearly 5 months, so far I wouldn’t say things are harder, but there is a new intensity that wasn’t there before. You know, that if you fall out over something you have to make it work you’ve got a commitment together and you can’t just walk away.

This is a good thing too however, because it means the argument that may have previously gone on for days is usual resolved a lot quicker.

Post # 23
Member
4025 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
@Daisy_Mae:  +1 on the 7 year itch thing, there may be something to it. We are not married yet, but we have been together for 9 1/2 years and our toughest/roughest patch hit at the 7 year mark. It was compounded by us both graduating from college/starting new jobs, but it was definitely a tough time. Luckily, we worked through it and have had our best two years following it.

Post # 24
Member
4581 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We already lived together, so no, our first year of marriage was just business as usual.

 

Post # 25
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

DH and I didn’t live together before marriage, but we spent all of our free time together. It was different for the first couple weeks, but we’re finally getting used to being with each other all the time. It’s been easy so far, but it’s only been a month and a half. We didn’t really have to ‘discover’ any quirks, because we know each other so well. It actually feels more like we came ‘home’; technically, we DID, but you know what I mean. 🙂 I’ll check back in 10 months and let you know, though 😉

Post # 26
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

We had a blast the first year, and we didn’t live together beforehand. We had conducted about 3/4 of our dating relationship over Skype over the course of 5 years because we didn’t live in the same city and/or country, so we had a LOT of time to figure out how to communicate since that’s all we could really do! It made our first year really fun because we got to do all the stuff we missed out on over the years of dating, and moving in together after the wedding was a pretty painless transition. We got to see each other’s quirks in close detail in the first few months of our friendship because we were living overseas in similar stressful situations, which meant that the best foot wasn’t forward for long! I think that helped.

Post # 27
Member
2392 posts
Buzzing bee

No. Our first year of marriage was the most wonderful year of my life. We did not live together before getting married, for what it’s worth.

To be honest, it has been smooth sailing during the entire length of our relationship.

Granted, we’ve only been together for just over three years — two years of dating and one year of marriage — which isn’t very long in the scheme of a lifetime, and who knows what the future will hold? But I think it’s a good sign that we’ve come this far with no issues. We were matched on eHarmony and I think that is part of the reason why we are so compatible and suited for each other. We’re on such a wavelength about everything, DH used to joke that he felt like he was dating himself. (Haha!)

I hope the honeymoon continues. We just have fun, we never fight. We sometimes disagree on small things but it never escalates. I adore him and thank my lucky stars every single day. I had some really dreadful relationships prior to meeting DH, so I never expected this. I think the universe gave me a really wonderful man to make up for all the schmucks I had to deal with before, LOL. 

 

Post # 28
Member
789 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think the first year of any relationship (boyfriend, fiance, husband, children, puppies, jobs) is often a little difficult because there can be so many adjustments and unexpected challenges. It’s sometimes hard to keep perspective that there’s a bit of honeymoon period in every relationship when everyone is on their best behavior and there can be disappointment when the novelty dies down or stress increases, or you just get bogged down in the daily grind. All relationships evolve and I think the trick is to be determined to aid the evolution and not fear it and to allow individuals to continue to grow along with the relationship.  

Post # 29
Member
5538 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think it depends on your situation before you get married, for some people practically the only changes are last name (maybe) and being able to file jointly on your taxes. Others, like us, it means moving in, combining finances, adding all these other elements on top of life and it makes it hard. Our first year was super hard but also super fun. 

Post # 30
Member
9121 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I think the 2nd or so year you live together / totally share a life is the hardest.  You stop walking around on eggshells as much and annoy the shit out of each other as much as is possible.  Once you get through that, in my experience, it’s smooth sailing.  We’ll be on our 9th or so year living together by the time we’re married, so I highly doubt it’ll be the hardest.

Post # 31
Member
10632 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I found the part where we were living apart and married was more difficult than living together and married.

The topic ‘Do you think the first year of marriage is the hardest?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors