(Closed) Do you think the first year of marriage is the hardest?

posted 7 years ago in Married Life
Post # 47
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We lived together for 3 years before getting married AND had joint finances, so truth be told, marriage didn’t change a whole lot for us.  There were a lot of big changes (job, life, etc), but I don’t know that that first year was any harder/easier than the other years.

Post # 48
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

hmm…I kinda feel like this should be a poll since the answers are all over the place.  For me, I’m only 4-5 months in and I’d say the first year is HARD.  Our relationship was pretty much 100% blissful up until right after the wedding and I think my biggest mistake was assuming that nothing would change.  We moved in together about 6 mos before we go married, but after we’d been engaged a while…that was HEAVEN.  I loved having my honey around 24/7 and we adjusted to living together easily.

I’m still trying to figure out why the marriage part has been so much harder than I expected.  I think a few external factors have contributed – my husband got a promotion right after our marriage that now requires him to work nights and I’ve had a lot of stress at work too/hate my job.  I also think that per PPs – gender role expectations have reared their ugly head.  Now that I’m his “wife” I do feel like my husband expects me to do certain things as a rule that were just “that’s so sweet” niceties when we were dating and engaged.  It’s very frustrating.  I still love him, but I feel like sometimes I don’t like him very much and that is such a surprise as he is my best friend.  I’m just praying we can make it through the first year.

Post # 49
Member
923 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Well, I guess may be in the minority, but the first year has been challenging for us so far.

 DH got laid off 2 months before our wedding which resulted in us having to move cross country.  It was very chaotic, especially at first – we didn’t go on a honeymoon, moved in with his sister (who let us know after 48 hours we were no longer welcome, even though she invited us to stay there), and both were unemployed.  Now we have good jobs and a place to live, but I have had a lot of trouble with adjusting to relocating, which has been hard for Darling Husband.  We’re in his home state which he loves and I…well…don’t.  I was one of those girls who had never left my home city for long and being so far away from my friends and family has taken it’s toll on me.  

I know we are growing closer and stronger with all the challenges we face, but I have to admit I’m very jealous of those newlyweds who are feeling blissed out so far.  I’m really hoping as things settle down and we start preparing to TTC that I feel the bliss more.

Post # 50
Member
3063 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Obviously, it’s different for everybody. For us, it will probably be one of the hardest. We’ve only been married for three months so far, but my husband just started his work. For the first year or so he will be gone for appoximately three weeks at a time and home for one week, then off again for another three weeks, back for one week, and so on. It will be rough, since we’re so used to being around eachother all the time. After the first year or so his schedule will change to either two weeks on two weeks off or three weeks on three weeks off, which will be easier to deal with.

Post # 51
Member
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would agree, for us that the first year is proving one of the hardest of our relationship, although we really have not had an easy year since we started dating.  We have not had a “blissful” or “honeymoon” period ever, even right at the very start.  We started dating very soon after he and his first wife split, and he was dealing with a divorce, his ex taking off parts unknown with his son and demanding all kinds of things in order for him to get visitation, and then declaring bankruptcy.  Then his son landed with us unexpectedly full time, Darling Husband got a promotion and moved away early 2 months later and I was a single parent to a child that wasn’t mine.  We relocated away to a city we knew nobody in and his son had some major health struggles that left us broke and pretty much homebound since we didn’t know any sitters.  We didn’t have an adult date in over a year.  We lived together for almost 4 years before getting married and every step has been a struggle.  We’ve had a LOT upheaval since we started dating, with very little peace in between major events.  When I write it out chronolgically I wonder how I haven’t gone insane! 
We are struggling right now, almost 6 months after the wedding.  I know I hit the post wedding blues when we got home, and I didn’t LOVE our wedding like I should have.  While I think some of the issues stem from marriage itslef like the financial changes and adjusting to the societal norm of expectations, I know most are due to stress and mostly me personally.  I’m very dissafisfied with myself, my life, my job and it’s manifesting in a lot of crappy ways.  A lot was present prior to the wedding and I was coping or blocking it, but since then I’ve crashed and it’s not all him.   It’s tough when you feel like you can’t climb out of the hole you’re in and your partner isn’t helping.

Post # 52
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

We aren’t married yet so I cannot atest to that. But Fiance and I have lived together for four years.  

I’m hoping the year PRIOR to marriage is the hardest. Phew, all this wedding drama has been hard on us! But I do feel it is bringing us closer than we have ever been! Cool

Post # 54
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

5mo in and I think our relationship is better than ever (we did live together beforehand, but didnt combine everything till married). However, life has thrown sooo many curveballs our way that things have been really difficult. Layoffs, family issues, car issues…you name it. I hope that we get a break soon, but I do feel like we’ve bonded alot through the struggles.

Post # 55
Member
1342 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

We did not live together before marriage and this first year is hard!!  It’s also amazing and fulfilling.  It’s still hard though!!

Post # 56
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee

I had a friend who used to say that I will fight more than I ever fought with someone before. It was very negative kinda scared me about it. Then I realized that my relationship wasn’t like hers. Going on a year in two weeks… and its been a great year!

Post # 57
Member
1983 posts
Buzzing bee

I’ve heard that it can go either way, whether you lived together before getting married or not. I have had plenty of friends who didn’t live with their spouse before he became their spouse and say that the first year was amazing and it jut keeps getting better. I’m positive that they’ve all had they’re struggles, but who’s perfect? And I had one friend tell me that the first 5 years were the worst, but it was worth it. I think it just depends on how you take the struggles that come your way. Marriage is a life changing experience. And if you go into it not thinking that there will be struggles, I can see where people would think the first few years are hard.

Post # 58
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

We did not live together before we got married and our transition was as smooth as it could be. In fact, if the first year of marriage is the hardest one than the rest of our marriage will be a bliss. I don’t believe in this cliche at all. I also don’t believe that the first year of living together is the hardest. If you marry the right person, if you marry at the right time, and if you know the person you are going to be living with, are aware of the possible difficulties before hand and address them right away, than there should be no reason for any serious issues. I’ve been married for only two years, but I can imagine it will be much more difficult to get used to raising a child than it was to get used to living together. We’ve had a great time so far and I wish everyone the kind of happiness my first two years of marrriage have given me.

Post # 59
Member
723 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Daisy_Mae: OMG I am in my 7th year together and it is awful. What is it about the 7th year?

Post # 60
Member
103 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

not married yet, but I don’t think it will be because by the time we’re married we will have lived together for the past two years.. I think eveything will be about the same if not better..

mind you, i think if you haven’t lived together, than yes, I can imagine the first year being the hardest. while you’ve been with that person for awhile, living with them is something else.

just keep in mind that you’re going to have to habits that are going to annoy your SO and vice versa. learn to live with some of those things, and pick wisely what you argue about, because you should making the most of your lives together!

Post # 61
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

In my first marriage, that first year was terrible. Unbearable. This time, if the first year is the hardest then we are in luck because it was amazing. 

The topic ‘Do you think the first year of marriage is the hardest?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors