Post # 1
I’ve been with Fiance for over 5 years and the entire time it has been long distance. Fiance and I see each other roughly every 3 months, which means I see his family even less. He has a mother and sister.
From the beginning I wanted to have a good relationship with them. However because of the distance (thousands of miles) and the very little time we usually had together, we didn’t spend a load of time with the family, and we were that annoyingly inseperable couple. Bad, I know.
The last few years I’ve been trying to make up for that by spending more alone time with them when I can. They’re very nice, friendly people, and are always very sweet to me when we’re together. His mother calls me her ‘daughter in law’ already, his sister is very excited about the wedding and has agreed to accompany me to a bridal show, etc.
The reason I feel stupid and sensitive is because when Fiance and I are apart (and therefore when i’m thousands of miles away from his family), I rarely hear from them. Months can go by without anything. I try to send them emails and FB messages to see how they’re doing, chat, etc, and they always reply, but never send their own. Basically, they never bother to keep in touch, it’s ALWAYS me that has to.
I’ve tried so hard to get to know them and be kind – sending gifts and cards for holidays, trying to plan get togethers when I’m visiting, attempting to bond with them separately – and it usually feels like it’s going well until I’m home and forgotten again.
I know I’m being stupid and overly sensitive and irrational because they’ve done nothing to make me think they dislike me…..Fiance insists they love me, but then again he’s not unbiased! Sometimes I just get sad/frustrated that we’re not closer. I think the distance is a big factor 🙁 Anyone else in a similar position?
Post # 3
Not everyone has the same level of commitment to family or soon-to-be family. How do they treat their distant relatives?
I think I would be dissapointed as well, but its not necessarily on its surface a reason to think they dont like you.
How about reaching out more obviously, such as a phone call. Call them to talk. They may never respond in the way you want, but they may respond better.
Post # 4
@ThreeMeers: They’re actually very family oriented and super close to their other relatives, so part of me thinks it’s really just an “outta sight, outta mind” thing. Sucks, but not much I can do from so far away! Calling is an idea though. And maybe we can try Skyping? I don’t want to be awkward, haha. I’m visiting right now and trying my best with them!
Post # 5
Some people are just “out of sight, out of mind” in their thinking, even about people. Since you haven’t ever been part of their daily lives, they might just go about their business and not think about it. I have a friend that is like this. She and her friend were close and saw each other at least 4 times a week. Then her friend moved 6 hours away and my friend just lost touch with her. I thought it was strange, but my friend just can’t juggle LD friendships and her daily life. She still loves to hang out with her friend when she’s in town, but as soon as she leaves, my friend just gets reabsorbed with her daily life.
This may be what’s going on in your situation. It probably isn’t personal, even if it might hurt your feelings. If they are still friendly and welcoming when you are around, I’m sure they like you. If you get to see them more regularly and establish stronger relationships with them, things will probably change.
Post # 6
@PGsHotBride: I agree! I have to admit, I’m totally one of those types of people who just doesn’t do very well at keeping in touch long-distance.
I tend to have a few close friends (sister, SO, one particular female friend), and everyone else in my life I”m just not very good at keeping in touch with. I do best when I see people regularly, but I’m honestly just not very social with people other than my absolute closest friends/family. I love the other folks in my life, and I’m happy when they call or contact me or I get to see them in person, but it’s just not in my nature to be the first one to call or reach out to someone outside of my closest circle. Plus, I really don’t like spending much time on facebook or the phone, so that’s another reason why I don’t tend to be the one to call my long-distance friends. Please don’t be insecure about their lack of contact – I’m sure it’s just their own issues/personality, and nothing to do with how much they like and approve of you!
Post # 7
@whydoesithurt: I should admit that I’m not the best at this, either. But I’m a lot better than my friend. For her, once you leave the city limits, you may as well not exist 🙂
Post # 8
Oh my dear girl. I am in the same position you are but on the other end, as a Future Mother-In-Law. I figured that all I can do is keep trying. They may not know how to show friendship and affection like you do. Give it time and it will work out just fine. That is my own plan. ((hugs))