I am just… So many thoughts right now. Get ready for the tidal wave.
I am absolutely flabbergasted and downright APPALLED that there are people who have basically said they do not think it’s appropriate to be friends with members of the opposite sex. Does that mean (if you’re a woman) you can’t be friends with lesbians? How about bisexuals? Or how about “fake siblings,” the ones that are so close to you, who have known you before you met your SO, but just happen to be the opposite sex? You’re saying that’s not OK? Because guess what, a friend is a friend is a friend, and just because you say he’s “like a brother” doesn’t make him one- he’s still a friend.
And furthermore, you think that you shouldn’t be ALONE with them? I would think that you would have some self-respect here to know that you wouldn’t bow down to temptation at every corner. “Oh, I’m alone with this guy getting coffee, better rip my cloths off and do him at the next possible opportunity!”
Guess what everyone? I HAVE GUY FRIENDS. And I hang out with them one-on-one sometimes to watch a movie or get dinner. My Fiance has gal friends. Most of his friends are girls! They play video games or get lunch. And guess what? I DON’T CARE. I trust my Fiance, and he trusts me. We know that these relationships are just friendships. We know nothing will happen.
I feel like it is extremely small minded to assume that just because people spend time together means that they must be forming some emotional affair. It seems rather stupid to limit yourself to being friends with only half the people you could be friends with. It’s just… asanine, there, I said it!
And I’m sorry if that offended someone, but implying that I’m cheating on my guy just because I have male friends is pretty damn offensive to me.
Now, back to the actual problem.
OP, there are lots of reasons your Fiance didn’t want you to read his phone. It’s possible he was embarassed by a conversation, not becuase it was scandalous, but just because it was stupid. Like how my friends and I will text about their personal problems, and I don’t think it’s appropriate for me to tell Fiance. Or they’re embarassed by the conversation because it’s just plain idiotic and goofing around.
As for Tammy and Mike… Is she a big baseball fan? I know people who literally go and watch any game they possibly can because they love it so much. Or she’s being supportive of her coworkers as a whole. I’ve been to friends’ IM games, because they’re fun to watch sometimes. One of my FI’s close gal friends goes to his games a lot, because she finds the entire experience entertaining. (And no, I’m not at those games, so she’s not going to hang out with me.)
It’s also possible she doesn’t have a car, or is very active in trying to carpool. Maybe she’s very pro-green. And maybe her house is on the way to Mike’s house (that issue hasn’t been discussed, I believe), so it makes sense for him to take her. You said yourself you don’t know how she gets to the field from work. Maybe work and her house are close by, so she doesn’t need a car, and the softball field is far away, so she needs a ride back. Or she could walk, but it’s at night, and it’s a nice gesture to give a ride. I don’t know the geography, but these seems pretty plausible in my opinion. And it’s not like Mike would be driving his wife home anyways- she has to come in her own car.
Maybe she’s not into guys. (Or maybe Mike isn’t really into girls, the potential root of his marriage problems.)
I don’t think the issue here is Tammy. You said it yourself, she’s nice and she shares their sense of humor. She doesn’t appear to be coming on to him from what I can see.
The issue is Mike’s failing marriage and complaints about his wife. He might be using Tammy as a distraction, but not necessarily as a sexual distraction. He might just want to get away from his wife, and Tammy lets him do that. I mean, Mike can’t hang out with your Fiance too much, or you’ll get mad he’s not spending time with you.
And yes, he could also be cheating. That is a possibility. But it’s pretty brazen to jump to that conclusion.