(Closed) Do you think this is rude? (invite related)

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Was it rude of her to ask?
    Yes, she should wait until after the RSVP date : (11 votes)
    39 %
    No a bride can demand an RSVP at any time, even without an invitation : (8 votes)
    29 %
    Other, I'll explain : (9 votes)
    32 %
  • Post # 3
    1192 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    @moderndaisy: Well, you could give her the ” I’m not sure yet, we need to see how a few things pan out first and we would like to be able to have the invitiation for all the info first as well” Gives her an idea that you are thinking about it but dont have the full details yet. She may be asking you because she really wants you there and yes she is jumping the gun a bit but I doubt she is doing that to everyone she invited.

    Post # 4
    4159 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I wasn’t planning on asking anyone if they were coming unless I hadn’t heard back from them via RSVP card.  I don’t know if it was rude that she asked though, maybe she was just excited and hoping you and Darling Husband would be attending.  Perhaps she didn’t realize it wasn’t an appropriate question to ask…

    Post # 5
    602 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    A lot of my Out of Town family volunteered the information because it would greatly effect my numbers.  I didn’t ask them,  they were just forthcoming. 

    In this situation I would say “I honestly don’t know” b/c you don’t know!  I don’t know your relationship or her intention but I wouldn’t get too upset about it (weddings make us all a little crazy).

    Post # 6
    7300 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I don’t think she was trying to be rude. How close are you? I don’t think it’s rude to even ask before the invites go out. I would just write her back and ask for details and that you will let her know.

    Post # 7
    5110 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I would just tell your that you are not positive if you will be able to make it or not as of yet. 

    Post # 8
    2701 posts
    Sugar bee

    I don’t consider this rude… her timing is a little off but not rude to me. Everyone gets that feeling when they think an Out of Town guest probably won’t be able to make it. She may just be wondering if you’re in that camp or not. I wouldn’t take it personally and tell you her not quite sure if you can make it but you’ll surely reply before the deadline.

    Post # 9
    2095 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    When I was asking my Out of Town family for addresses I automatically said to them we would love to have you but if you cannot make it then we understand. I personally don’t see anything wrong with her asking. But maybe she has a tighter budget than you and was trying to figure out numbers.

    Post # 11
    5977 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I don’t think it’s all that rude. It sounds like she was just curious to see if you guys were coming to the wedding. Unless you send the actual context of the email, I can’t know for sure, but if I said, “are you guys coming to the wedding?” through an email, it wouldn’t have been in a demanding tone.

    It’s always hard to read tone over email. So try not to take too much offense to it.

    Post # 13
    963 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Maybe she was asking because if you aren’t coming, she won’t send you an invite. We see questions like this all the time on the bee about if you sent a save the date, do you have to invite…etc.  Maybe she wants to invite others if you can’t make the trip?

    Post # 14
    4771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I said other becase your option:

    No a bride can demand an RSVP at any time, even without an invitation

    is way too rude. No, you cannot demand an RSVP, but you can casually ask if someone is coming, hell I did, and people have asked me that too, I see nothing wrong with it.

    So I want to vote for the option:

    A bride can ask if you are comming before the RSVP.

    you can always say “I’m thinking about it.”

    Post # 15
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I chose “other” because she wasnt really “demanding” an rsvp but just asking. I dont think there is any harm in the bride  asking if someone can make it or not. If you arent sure you can always reply with “we hope to be there but will let you know for sure” I think you are taking it way too seriously

    Post # 16
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I don’t see it as rude, just inquisitive.  And there is nothing wrong with telling her that you won’t know until closer to the date if the plans will be able to work out.  She isn’t asking for a firm, unchangable RSVP now.

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