(Closed) Do you think this is selfish?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3261 posts
Sugar bee

I don’t necessarily think you’re in the wrong for feeling this way, but I wouldn’t make this into such a big deal. After the fact, I’m sure he’ll let you use his ipad. It’s going to be a really nice gesture when you get it for him, that’s all that matters. 

Post # 4
Member
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

wow, while i definitely think it’s ok to have some things that are “just yours” i really don’t like his over all attitude.  I guess because I’m like you and I share everything. 

 

Post # 5
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I understand why you are upset about his reaction but really your usage of his present shouldn’t dictate whether you get it for him or not… that would be selfish!

I am sure once the novelty wears off he will not be so possessive and he will let you use it!

Post # 6
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

i dont feel you are wrong to expect him to share but in our home, my laptops are mine and hubbys laptops are his – we really dont share them because they have different settings/favs etc

IF i said honey i need your computer i know he would let me but i also know he would be grumbling because im taking up his time/stopping him from doing stuff

Post # 7
Bee
6473 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011 - Sydney, Australia

Ooh, I’m torn.

Yes, I think it’s selfish – an Ipad isn’t a cheap present, and you’re in a couple – isn’t sharing something which should be happening anyway?

At the same time, a gift is a gift, I suppose. Maybe he feels like by you asking him if you can use it from time to time, it’s less of a gift for him and more of a regular couple’s present? I dunno.

Post # 8
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee

Perhaps he thought that by you asking you were implying that it would be joint gift rather than a gift for him? Perhaps he was frustrated that he had purchased a nicec gift for you and as soon as he asks for something for Christmas he felt you were trying to claim partial ownership already (depsite just receiving something).

Is there a chance it was a misunderstanding like that? The only reason this came to mind was because he said “it’s a one person thing.” Gave me the feeling he didn’t take it as sharing once in a while but that it wouldn’t be his gift it would be yours and his gift.

Post # 9
Member
2731 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t think you’re being selfish at all. It’s completely reasonable to want to be able to use something nice of your SO’s like that. And I hate hate hate when someone throws gifts back in your face and almost uses them against you like, “I just bought you this, you now you have to buy something nice for me.” Drives me nuts.

ETA: Wait, I think I misunderstood. Here: You’re not being selfish for wanting to be able to use the iPad if you buy him one. He is being pretty selfish for saying no outright and then throwing the necklace back in your face.

Post # 10
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

btw, for the record – hubby isnt allowed to use my kitchenaid mixer, bessemer pans or pro knives,  if he tried i would tackle him to the ground to stop him – there are some things a spouse shouldnt mess with 🙂

Post # 12
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think he’s being selfish, but like PPs said, I’m sure the novelty will wear off in a while and he’ll be more likely to share. I also agree that knowing that he doesn’t want to share it shouldn’t be a reason not to get it for him (it is a gift for him, afterall).

But, I know myself, and the first time after he has his iPad that he asks to use my computer, I’d snatch it away and say that it’s mine, sooooooory (deadstare). Mr.ND would get that he was being rather silly with that comment ‘it’s my iPad only’ comment, and it’d blow over and he’d be more friendly with sharing. 

Post # 14
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Sounds like he’s kind of being a brat, although I can understand wanting to have something really nice for yourself. And I can see where the other bees are coming from as far as thinking you were trying to edge in on his gift before he could even get it.

My fi used to be like this with his car and once I finally got past the tantrum, he explained it was the last thing he really had that was all his, everything else we shared it just took him a bit to get over it and now I have it more than he does.

Post # 15
Member
2893 posts
Sugar bee

@aicila: I understand they are 2 separate occassions. But the specific holidays aside – is there a chance he thought you were implying it would be a joint gift? If there is no way he thought it was a joint gift, then yeah, that was a jerky move on his part.

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