(Closed) Do you think we should keep the fact we are already legally marrried a secret?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should we tell people or keep it to ourselves?
    Tell people. It won't ruin your wedding and it's not even a big deal. : (17 votes)
    17 %
    Keep it to yourselves. Why risk ruining your big day, especially when some people are traditional... : (32 votes)
    33 %
    Tell the truth if someone asks you, if not don't bring it up. : (49 votes)
    50 %
    Other. Please comment with your suggestions. : (0 votes)
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7587 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I think it’s best to keep it to yourself. I think most destination weddings happen this way, but I don’t think people realize it.

    Post # 4
    Member
    5118 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think that if someone asks, then share. I don’t think they’ll suddenly cancel their trip to MX to witness your wedding. Most people don’t realize that most destination weddings happen this way, so I wouldn’t say anything unless they brought it up.

    They shouldn’t really get mad about this, though. I mean, do they get miffed if the couple doesn’t sign the marriage certificate RIGHT DURING the wedding? 

    Post # 5
    Member
    749 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I think that this is common with destination weddings, since getting the licence sometimes has a waiting period and some people dont like to travel with all of the documents required. I don’t know if I would send out a memo to everyone, but I would let your Fiance wear his ring and be honest if you are asked. I don’t think it makes a difference and your wedding in Mexico will still be special.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2907 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Just explain that you signed the papers.

     

    This country has a separation of church and state, and you are just being patriotic.

     

    Innocent

    Post # 7
    Member
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Um, don’t you have to do insane amounts of complicated paperwork to get married in another country and have it be legal in the States? If anyone fusses, just tell them it was for legal reasons, but that you consider the mexico wedding to be your “real” wedding and that that’s the anniversary you’ll celebrate.

    I voted for the tell the truth but only if they bring it up type option, which I think is the perfect solution.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2907 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    @ddw:  If anyone fusses, just tell them it was for legal reasons, but that you consider the mexico wedding to be your “real” wedding and that that’s the anniversary you’ll celebrate.

    This.

     

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    4824 posts
    Honey bee

    There is no reason it should be brought up at all. Have you ever asked someone “Are you legally married already”.  Keep it to yourself…

    Post # 10
    Member
    916 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Keep it to yourself.  I think making a big announcement to everyone would be really annoying for you.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2161 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I would only share if asked.

    Post # 12
    Member
    7770 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Honestly, I voted for the first option.  I went through this (we “postponed” our big wedding) but got legally married anyway.  I felt a little awkward about it- but people need to relax.  When your ‘real” wedding is- is up to you.  But I also understand if you don’t want to risk more drama.

    About the ring- Darling Husband wore his the entire time we were engaged- so I think it is fine for your Fiance to wear his whenever he wants.  That is sweet he want to “get it on”… his finger.  🙂  It really is no one’s business, what the specifics are of the legal situation/ when you are technically married- so I think it is totally up to you- but it is about being comfortable- do what you want and be comfortable with it/ do what makes you comfortable- just be married once you legally are and expect some people might be funky, or don’t tell anyone and just be okay with feeling weird.  Good luck though!  It is okay whatever you decide to do.

    Post # 13
    Member
    39 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I think you should never decive your guests.  This is even more so true when you are asking them to spend hundreds of dollars to go to Mexico. I would be furious to find out I had been invited to, and attended a wedding in Mexico, and later found out it wasn’t really a wedding.

    A wedding is what changes your status from single to married legally.  This is true whether it takes place at city hall, in a JOP office, or a big church with 100’s of guests.  The rest is just a party, a celebration or possibly a vow renewal.

    There is definitely a possibility that there will be exremely hurt feelings, and upset with your guests to find out they have been deceived. 

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    223 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I have friends who secretly eloped and had a “real” wedding a year and a half later. I was the only one in attendance who knew they were already married (well, except the priest, they discussed it with him and he gave them the all-clear). It’s not worth the explanation to everyone, just go and have a good time.

    Post # 15
    Member
    3222 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    We aren’t telling anyone but our friend who is marrying us. He knows that it’s our wedding, and that we’ll be getting married on our own. (actually getting married a week after our wedding, but hey!) 

    I just feel like a lot of people will discount our day if we’re not ‘actually’ getting married. I want it to be just as special as if we were getting really married that day.

    ETA: I would only say something if asked. My concern is people won’t see us sign a marriage license, but who cares? 

    Post # 16
    Member
    638 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    Okay, so it’s not like you’re getting legally married a year ahead of time and then having a big shindig and acting like you haven’t been married the whole time (which we did consider for health insurance reasons, but didn’t do).

    You are completing the logistical steps necessary a few WEEKS (not months or years) ahead of time to make it possible to get married in another country. Anyone with any common sense would understand if you are getting married in a different country, chances are it’s not recognized as a legal marriage in the states, so you would either need to visit city hall prior to or after the actual wedding.

    I would personally not bring it up unless someone asks. You’re real wedding is the one where you are pledging your lives to each other in front of your friends and family. Enjoy your day and anyone who has an issue with this is just a troublemaker, In My Humble Opinion.

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