Post # 1
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
How could you tell when your SO was starting to warm up to the idea of getting engaged/married?
My Boyfriend or Best Friend is the kind of guy who knows he wants to get married and have a family someday. But, about a year into our relationship, he was still not sure that he wanted those things with me, and he definitely wasn’t ready to take that step in his life yet. He was also extremely uncomfortable with even talking about planning our next career moves with the goal of being in the same area (we are really, really, LDR) especially if it meant that he would have to relocate to my area, which he does not like.
Now, almost 6 months later, he is emphatic that he doesn’t want to be long-distance for much longer, and he recently hinted that we should talk about what our next move will be so that we can end the LDR sooner rather than later. He has even stated that he would consider moving to my unpleasant town, at least for a brief period, if that’s where I had to be for my job. Whereas before, he admitted to being so focused on his career that he was not ready to invest very much in our relationship, he now comments that we “make a great team” and that I have a lot of qualities he wants in a future spouse. He says he feels more and more confident in us as time goes on. Lately he has begun making
Logistically, it wouldn’t make sense for us to get engaged, or even make plans to relocate, yet. We still have a couple more years in our respective posts (we are both trying to wrap up graduate degrees at different universities). But I am encouraged by the changes I have seen in his openness and attitude toward making future plans to be together.
What do you bees think? Is this just wishful thinking on my part? Or do you think it sounds like he is starting to warm up to the idea of a longterm commitment? Did your relationship evolve in a similar way?
Post # 3
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
I think HE thinks that logistically, he thinks it makes sense for you guys to be living together.
If he thought it made sense for you two to be getting engaged, he would be talking to you about marriage.
If this is what you want, you need to TALK TO HIM about it. We can’t read his mind. You can’t read his mind. He can’t read your mind. YOU have to talk to HIM and figure out where you guys are at and what you both want, in a time frame you both agree on.
Post # 4
Member
15 posts
Newbee
I have to say, I have not experinced an engagement yet! But, I just got a cold feeling from your post. Of course you know your realtionship best; though when you said he told you you would “make a great team”, omg, thats exactly the line in The Graduate! lol! Aside from that, its a statement that would be a HUUUGE turn off for me. Also how you say he told you that you have “a lot of qualities he wants in a spouse”… well, thats not very loving in my opinion. Of course how can I know lol I dont know you two. But it just sounded like he was trying to want you to be his spouse. You know what I mean. To say you have “a lot of qualities”??? eeesh 🙁 Then hes not willing to move to your town? well, when people love eachother, they tend to sacrifice certain things. Well, I just had to say, you sound like lovely lady, but Im just not feeling it on this guys end. How “extremely uncomfortable” he was, how he is willing to move to your town for a “brief period”. I have never read something that described a man less in love!Im sorry to say that, but thats exactly it for me, he doesnt sound in love. Which makes me VERY curious what the sudden “enthusiasm” is all about…
Post # 5
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Well I am one to know that love is the biggie thing here. Does he demonstrate that to you as often as he can considering the long distance? What are his feelings NOW on marriage and your future?
That would be my advice. To answer those two questions first.
As far as what made me know my now Darling Husband was ready for M? About a year earlier at a dressy holiday party, afterwards we stayed and had a private dinner and some wonderful glasses of wine. After our second glass he looked at me and said “Cookie (his nickname for me), what type of solitaire would you like if we got engaged?” I told him. From that day forward I knew it was on his mind. Turns out he picked out my e ring shortly after the holidays of 2008/09 and spent the rest of the year paying it off.
But imho knowing first if he’s ready for M is most important of all. My Darling Husband told me shortly after we began dating that he was a marrying guy. He stopped me in the hallyway of his/our house and said “Hey. I want to let you know I am not into serial dating. I’m not into dating a long time with no end to it. I want to be remarried one day and you need to let ME know if that is something you’d want to.”
I knew I had a marrying kinda guy. You have to find this out. There are plenty of men who do want marriage and you gotta find out if your Boyfriend or Best Friend is on board for that. Mr. Bee also has a great thread about the guys’ pov if you want to read it!
Post # 6
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
@xtrabeeautiful:He sounds JUST LIKE my BF!!! He took forever to come around to the idea of our future… but once he did, it was very much in the same way! We now have plans to move in together in the summer and be engaged next fall. Def. a step in the right direction for you!!
Post # 7
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
@sunrise_stream:I get what you mean about the “coldness” to her post… however, my boyfriend is very much the same way! He’s very logical and his job has come first for SO LONG! Things have to be logical before they can be emotional for him. It took some getting used to for me, as I am very emo…. but…it’s also why I love him so much. Things are always thought through and he takes his time. I know I will always be taken care of with him.
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