(Closed) Do you think we’re rushing?

posted 8 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 77
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

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@MsPoodles:  just came back to this and was actually re-reading your post when I realized what you meant! Sorry for my misunderstanding! 

Post # 78
Member
323 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I started dating my ex b/f when I was 17, we were engaged at 24; I left at 25. Needless to say that I have been with my SO for 4 yrs and am 100% different from the person I was with when I was with my ex. So much has changed, we have been discussing marriage and I don’t beleive out of 8 BMs that more than possibly one of them would be the same as the girls that were supposed to be in my wedding party in my previous relationship. All I am saying is things can change, a lot happens when you goto college, start a career etc. My ex and I grew apart and then our relationship was a living hell! 

Personally I would hold off a bit, don’t rush into an engagement; enjoy being his g/f!

Post # 79
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

WAAAAY too soon.  Who you will be at 27 is very different from who you are at 17.  If you intend to be with this guy when you are 87, then you don’t need to rush the engagement/marriage.  Enjoy your time together, go to collge, get good jobs, THEN get married.  There’s a reason why people who marry before 25 have crazy high divorce rates.  You will both change as people.  You’ll have a much stronger relationship if you wait.

Post # 81
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@hisgoosiegirl:  <—- what she said.

I got married just a few months after turning 18 after being engaged for about 2 years. There was not a single moment where I questioned whether we were ready or not. I honestly think that if you are questioning it you might not be ready for it. But that doesn’t mean that it absoulutely won’t work out. I assume you know it isn’t a path of sunshine and roses and it is true, it can be hard but if you are willing to commit and work hard it is definitely rewarding. I wish you luck and if you ever need someone to talk to you can message me 🙂

Post # 82
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would wait.  You’re still very young and you haven’t really seen the world out there yet.  Your time in the University will be so much fun.  You will meet so many people and your perspective in life may change.  Seriously, you and him can wait.  If you go to University for couple years and you two still feel the same for each other, then you two can get engaged before you graduated and then get married after you two have jobs.

Post # 83
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Im getting married at 22, was engaged at 21. Honestly IMO I think 18 is WAY too young. I have grown up so much in the last four years, especially in college. My sister is 18 and totally crazy about her Boyfriend or Best Friend of FIVE YEARS, but honestly if they got married now I think it would be a mistake. Wait until youre at least almost of college.

Post # 84
Member
5982 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

if you have to ask then you already know the answer. I am very mature for my age but at age 18, I would never get married. I think getting engaged is fine (for commmitment purposes) but I dont think getting married anytime soon is…

Good luck

Post # 85
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@Princess bee:  So I’m going to talk with him and tell him I want to wait to get engaged until I’m out of high school and Once we’re able to live together and support eachother…

Wonderful idea! I’m so glad you chose to do this. I think you have a strong chance of making your relationship work if you continue using this reasonable, mature judgement (not that what I think reallly matters). Congrats on your strong relationship, and I wish you all the best! 

Post # 86
Member
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Princess bee:  My sister got engaged a little older than you. She’s 26 now and they/re still going strong. You really never can tell. Just make sure you’re on the same page about everything, and don’t let yourselves grow apart as you finish growing up.

Post # 87
Member
52 posts
Worker bee

I am a freshman in college and my FH and I are both 19.  We have been together for 3 1/2 years and we are so excited to start a life together!  I am very mature for my age as well, so I know what you mean.  Personally, I would wait till you get though one year of college.  Make sure that your long distance relationship can work.  If you two can handle being away from each other and only seeing each other once a month, then you guys can handle anything.  I told my FH to wait to propose till I was 20, which will be in the end of my fall semester of my sophomore year.  That way, we will have been dating for 4 years and as silly as this sounds, you sound older when you’re engaged at 20.  As my friend pointed out, you still sound like you’re a teen if you got engaged at 18 or 19, no matter if you’re mature or not.  But when you’re a tad bit older, it will truly be worth it! 🙂

Post # 88
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Personally I don’t think you should get engaged until you are able to actively start planning a wedding that is 1-2 years out. With that said, I think as long as you and your SO can provide for yourselves without relying on anyone else and are emotionally and mentally ready to live together as adults, you should get engaged. Some people are at that point when they are young and some aren’t even ready when they are in their 30s or 40s. So age is pretty much irrelevant, but maturity is very important.

 

ETA: My SO and I are 20 and 22 and have been dating for two years. One of which was long distance with 2,000 miles between us. We moved in together at one year, got our own apartment together without the help of anyone else. It was hard, but we made it through the first year of living together (which according to my mom is the break it or make it year). Lots of people told us we wouldn’t make it, but here we are two years out and we’re still happy and madly in love. So like I said, age doesn’t really matter as much as maturity financially, mentally, and emotionally.

Post # 89
Member
2583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@MsPoodles:  Oh yes, I definitely know this about student loans. I got engaged in January 2011, and when Fiance and I were deciding whether to getting married this summer or next we took finances strongly into consideration, and I will be getting a HUGE amount of grants since we make so little money, and my parents make so much I get almost nothing. However, if a student’s parents are not so well off and the family EFC as a dependent is low, but the Fiance makes good money, getting married could possibly decrease financial aid. So it’s definitely something for any student considering marriage to look into.

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@Princess bee:  I think your decision to wait a little longer is extremely responsible and shows your maturity. You come across as very mature for your age, and I really hope your relationship works out! Good luck!

Post # 90
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee

Short answer, yes. Sometimes I wonder “what if I stayed with my high-school sweetheart at 17?”. The answer is I would be miserable because I changed and matured after I hit 19 or 20. I because a different person. And I wouldn’t be with my SO now.

So yes your rushing. A mature person would know its smarter to wait.

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