Post # 1
I don’t think my FI’s friends have the his best interest at heart like friends should. I know this is up to him to figure out but it causes me alot of stress and anxiety. I don’t trust them when he’s in their care such as when he goes out with them and someone else is the Dear Daughter. The other thing that concerns me is that most of his friends either don’t know me like that, have only seen me at my worst, or don’t like me. Mind you, Fiance and I have known eachother for 9 years. He knows all my friends and they all like him. It’s just not the same with his friends and I.
All our friends are single, in relationships, or players. Needless to say, none have take the big step and I feel they are not taking engagement or marriage seriously….this is just my perception…..I could be wrong. My Fiance is but he tells me they were laughing at him and giving him a hard time for settling down and said they never thought he would.
I want to be able to be a good Fiance and wife and not bug him when he’s out chillin with his friends. But it’s hard cuz I know they don’t care about him the way my good girlfriends care about me. My girls have my back and we really look out for one another. He’s friends aren’t like that — yes, I’ve had this talk with him.
How do you handle your stress or anxiety when he’s with his friends? He doesn’t want me to worry about him and believes because “he’s a big man” there’s no need…..I don’t know how to not worry lol. Suggestions? What do you do?
Post # 3
I don’t worry at all when the FH is with his friends, I trust HIM completely. I trust his friends completely also, and I know all of them well. He has every type of friend, but they all know that I respect him. Most of his friends think that I am the greatest thing since sliced bread.
Post # 4
I don’t trust them when he’s in their care
my husband is an adult, he doesnt need to be left in anyones care because he can make adult decisions and i trust him 100%
How do you handle your stress or anxiety when he’s with his friends?
i dont stress when he is out with his friends, i have my own interests and self confidence iin myself and our relationship – i think you are overthinking the situation
Post # 5
I trust his friends….98% of the time. Mainly because most of them have their own thing going on in life and don’t mess around with foolishness. Every now and then though….you never know what they’ll come up with
Post # 6
Friends will make fun of those getting married almost as a rite of passage. It’s got nothing to do with what they think of you or your decision. And I think that a simple solution would be to form better friendships with his friends. Though I don’t have anything against guys night out, I think in a marriage the good friends–those that will last really–are friends of the couple, not just the guy.
Post # 7
@eloping: Okay, when I said when in their care, I’m referring to when he’s drinking. Granted he doesn’t go out to a bar or whatever with his friends that often (maybe once a month if that) but my point is when my girls are drunk we look out for eachother. His friends aren’t those type of people.
Post # 8
@babymilka74: I hope we can make some great couple friends. I saw that in my parents who were married 30+ years before my mom died. They had many great friends who were married and that just added to their social circle. I guess it’s just hard going since we are the first to take the leap 😉 My brother just got married and luckily they live close by but they are the only couple we know. I guess just means more to look forward to!
Post # 9
@eloping: I have my own interests and go out with my friends too. I have trust in our relationship. I’m just concerned I will lose him (as in die) due to other peoples (or his friends) mistakes. Until you’re best friend and mom have died, you can’t understand the worry of losing then the man that you love.
Post # 10
That’s tough. I mean I do trust DH’s friends, they are such a tight group and we hang out together a lot so they know me and I think they appreciate how ‘cool’ I am when it comes to sharing my Darling Husband with them. I think since they understand how much I care about Darling Husband and as a result would never stop him from seeing his friends and would go as far as to rearrange our lives so he can be with them, they actually really appreciate that and as a result don’t take advantage of DH’s time or health.
But if I didn’t trust them, I would probably just voice my concerns to Darling Husband and just trust him when he hangs out with them. If I thought they actually did something wrong I would let him know, but I’d also let him make his own decisions about who he spends his time with. I mean, for the most part.
Post # 11
When it comes to my partners friends, I only trust certain individuals. There are some from his college years that have some less than legal habits and questionable behaviour, so those are the ones that I am sceptical of.
There are others that I absolutely adore, and would trust with my life –the line between his friends and my friends has become blurred in those cases.
I get what you are saying, but it is pretty normal for guys to get teased about the “old ball and chain” as for the anxiety.. All I can do is reassure myself that he is indeed an adult, who is capable of making his own decisions when it comes to his social life.
Beyond voicing my concerns in a non-restrictive way, I can only hope (and trust) that he will make good decisions for his health/well being when he is in the company of those that are not particularly trust worthy.
If people are not being genuine, or treating my partner well, I trust that he is mature enough to end those relationships on his own accord.
Post # 12
To be Frank, Not at all ! grrr
Post # 13
I read this a bit differently maybe than you were intending.
Do I trust Darling Husband when he’s with his friends? Yes.
Do I trust his friends to not be knobs and try to pressure him into doing stupid things? Yes.
Do I trust his friends like in a day to day living basis? Some of them yes, some of them no. Some of them I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving alone in my house because I know they’d shove a couple beers in their pockets or help themselves to anything they wanted in the fridge even if it was for our dinner that night. That being said, that’s only like one or two of the bunch, the rest are adorable.
Do I trust that they don’t take DH’s friendship and generousity for granted? No. I know they take it for granted and that some of them have taken advantage of him at times. There are a few of his friends I could do without.
They know though that I have very clear limits when it comes to stuff like that and if they’ve burned bridges with me, they don’t rebuild and they’re no longer welcome in my home. End of story.
Post # 14
I absolutely trust FIs friends, and Fiance, too. While they do sometimes raise a ruckus when they are out and do some crazy stuff, they all watch out for each other and even me, too. One summer break when Fiance went home and I stayed at school I was never out with the girls without an “escort.” And of course they rag on him for being one of the first to get married, it’s what they do. I don’t stress at all when he is out with them, in fact, I encourage him to do it more often than he does and help him pack for his yearly weekend trip with them.
All our friends are single, in relationships, or players. Needless to say, none have take the big step and I feel they are not taking engagement or marriage seriously….this is just my perception…..I could be wrong
Just because they are not at a point in their life that they feel being engaged or married is appropriate it doesn’t necessarily mean that they don’t take your relationship with your Fiance seriously–Have they done anything to make you think that?
Post # 15
I completely trust his friends. They are all great guys. They are almost all single womanizers, but I don’t understand why I shouldn’t like them because of that. Who cares if they aren’t engaged or married???
Post # 16
i trust them like 95% of the time. not for things having to do with basic safety, like you’re talking about though. it sounds silly, but some of his buddies from college and high school kind of “peer pressure” him, like when they get together they act like they did in their partying days. this one guy in particular sometimes bugs me, he just has this kind of pushy personality. but talking to hubby about it is helpful. when he realizes he’s just doing something because his friends expect him to, and if he doesn’t want to be doing it or realizes something is making me uncomfortable, he stops.
i didn’t use to trust his best man, like 3-4 years ago when they were roommates–he treated his ex-gf really disrespectfully and i worried he’d give my now-hubby (bf then) a hard time about our relationship. but then he fell in love with his current gf and is much more responsible and respectful in general, and now i completely trust him (he was actually our bm in part bc he’s hubby’s closest friend who also knows me best). talking to my hubby about it was really helpful at the time. he put a lot of effort into reassuring me.