(Closed) Do you trust your husbands friends? ( open discussion )

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Some of his past friends were a little wild, but actually my fiance is tougher on his friends than I am, so it’s not an issue at all.  I like his friends and most are either married or in relationships.  For a while my guy worked at a mechanic shop… so you can imagine the type of coworkers and friends.  😉  But he is pretty independent, so even if he shows off the guys, I do not worry about influences or distrust him at all.

Post # 18
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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@Mrsgurzakovic: “Well how would you feel if they are usually the girls and party type — especially if your Fiance has moved on from that type of life style. would any of you then worry if he started hanging out with them again? Would you ever speak to him about it?”

 

I trust most of my SO’s friends, but he definetly has a few leftover from his heavy partying days that are majorly into drugs/drinking. They’re nice people, but I’m not sure they’re the best influence for any person.

Rather than bringing it up directly, I suggest guaging his feelings about their behaviors by posing those questions. For example, my SO once came home and told me about how his buddy had gotten wasted and smashed a glass in another guys face. I expressed my opnion on the topic, “Wow, that’s really immature of a guy his age to get so drunk that he would do something so nuts…” and I could tell from my SOs response that he agreed. I think you can figure out a lot about a person based on their reactions to those behaviors–just because a man is friends with people who do certain things doesn’t mean he will too! 

Post # 19
Member
7286 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I love all my husbands buddies! They are just like him and include me in everything, we all spend alot of time together- its really special!

Post # 20
Member
4369 posts
Honey bee

I trust my husband’s friends because I trust him.

Post # 22
Member
2467 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I used to worry a bit, but through the years and getting better at communicating, etc, no, I really don’t worry about him at all anymore (we were ldr for a little while too at the beginning of our relationship). For example, when we first started dating, one of his best friends, B, was dating our other friend and treated her horribly (it was a really one-sided relationship, with the gf making all the effort and B not being very considerate at all to her). DH and B moved in together about a year into our relationship, and I was terrified that the way B treated his gf would “rub off” on DH. But when I expressed my concerns, dh told me that not only would he never treat me like that, he wouldn’t let his friendships influence our relationship. And he hasn’t. Some of DH’s friends still aren’t as mature as he is, and def party more now than he does, but DH doesn’t let their pressure affect him very much. There’s been nights he’s stayed out later than maybe he wanted or has drinken more, but he’s been able to take care of himself just fine.

On your other question about girls–the girls he’s friends with are either married or are our mutual friends, so I trust both them and him. 

Post # 23
Member
6391 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

View original reply
@Mrsgurzakovic: To answer the first question, I definitely trust all of DH’s current friends. They’re great people.

To answer the second question, he used to have a friend that drank a ton and had umm…questionable tendencies. I didn’t like her, and I didn’t trust her. I didn’t think DH would do anything with her, but that doesn’t mean I enjoyed her throwing herself at every guy around (DH included, of course). It was mostly a problem the summer we were long distance. She ended up moving, but we did fight a bit about it. There’s really no good solution to that type of thing. Eventually we decided that he would only hang out with her if I was present, too. It’s not ideal, but it worked.

Post # 24
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

Hell yes they worry me. Mostly because my guy has no ability to say no to peer pressure and because some of his friends are dirt bags. One cheated on his now wife for an extended period of time and then decided to marry her because he was too afraid to break up and she’s a trust-fund baby. Yeah. Sad. And she doesn’t even know. Based on the way my guy can’t say no to bad influences, I really do believe that if they pushed him in a bad direction that he’d cave pretty easily.

Post # 26
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I trust them. Though none of them are saints they’re all good guys. Fiance wouldn’t socialize with them if they weren’t. They’re all really responsible, all very respectful of me alone and me and Fi’s relationship. He also works with these guys so he doesn’t see them outside of work when I’m around since he sees them all day anyways.

I’ve hung out with them, I know what they’re like. It’s not always pretty but all in all I trust them. More importantly, I trust my Fiance. He makes good decisions, even when he’s drinking.

Post # 27
Member
2892 posts
Sugar bee

@Mrsgurzakovic: Honestly, he works constantly and rarely goes out. And when he does he rarely sees the shady ones. We’ve talked about everything I mentioned in bits and pieces but now that you asked, I get the feeling he probably hasn’t built that picture in his head of my concerns. And, now that you ask, I probably need to say something eventually. But it isn’t something that weighs on my mind on a day to day basis and the occassions he’s around these people are so rare I don’t have to be concerned too often. 

Post # 28
Member
2495 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Yes I trust my husband’s friends, but more importantly, I trust my husband.  Some of his friends may be people I wouldn’t hang out with or be friends with on my own, but if he trusts them, so do I.

Post # 29
Member
3450 posts
Sugar bee

All but one of his friends I trust. He knows I do not like her and definitely do NOT trust her. She’s just super shady and is not really all that faithful to her now boyfriend (her boyfriend used to be her affair while she was married).

A few weeks ago I was shopping with my mom and I get a text from FH saying “I’m at a house on the corner of X and Y streets with [female friend]”. I start going crazy telling my mom to bring me home RIGHT now and I get there and they’re the only people there, in some stranger’s house. NOT cool.

All his other friends love me and I love them. I love frat boys 🙂

Post # 30
Member
5373 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I trust all of his friends, I just don’t like how they don’t all respect our relationship. A few of them understand because they’ve been in long-term relationships, but there are a few against relationships and so I get annoyed by his ‘anti-love’ talk haha

Post # 31
Member
7367 posts
Busy Beekeeper

First, I trust my FH judgement. He has some friends that  I adore. However, we both also have some friends or aquintances who might be considered unsavory. Neither of us is concerned about  friends influcing us make bad decisions. We are adults, if I do something stupid while i’m with my friends, I did something stupid. The buck starts and ends with each other, not our friends..

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