Post # 1
first of all I wanted to update you on the Ring Blackmail topic I had started a couple of months ago.
Short summary of the situation: my SO told me that he would get me my dream 4ct ring if I was to take his last name (which I don’t like much). Some of you, the majority actually, said that this was a big no no and going for it was a sell-out. Others thought it was a fair deal, while some suggested he was not completely serious. Well, they were right, he wasn’t serious… He thought it was quite funny to see me dwell on this but came clear when he realised that it had actually really upset me. Thank you again though for you insightful answers, it really helped me!
Long story short, SO is going to pick an antique/vintage ring (something we bothed decided on ) but he wants it to be a surprise. He’s not letting me know when, where and with what he will propose. I kust know that it is going to happen some day. But have no say in the ring choosing.
So here comes my problem: I really, really do not trust him to pick a ring I like.
I don’t care about how many carats, I don’t care about how much it costs but I am very, very particular with jewellery. Especially if it is going to be a piece I am going to wear for the rest of my life. Also, I worry that he is not that knowledgeable with jewellery and that he will be ripped off. To top that, our tastes vary hugely! I am more bling, bling while he is very much understated. I love old Georgian cluster rings, he is more into solitaires. I like old, romantic stuff, he is more into modern sleek styles. We have still not fully furnished our flat because we cannot settle on certain things (e.g. I fell in love with a side table featuring golden lion paws table legs but my SO things it’s too much).
I am just wondering if you would trust your SO to pick you an engagement ring you will like and enthusiastically wear?
Am I a douche for not trusting? How can I point him in the right direction without being pushy? I worry that I am a control freak… Isn’t it traditionally the man’s job to pick the ring?
Post # 3
I’m sure he knows your tastes and what’s the harm in just telling him what you like?
Post # 4
Agreed. Me and my Fiance picked my ring out…and the several upgrades on the center stone after that….always together though and happily.
Post # 5
Dont you think the proposal can still be a surprise even though you picked out your ring?
Post # 6
I to be completely honest, would not trust my man’s tastes in jewelry for me. He nails everything else, but on jewelry we have totally different tastes. So to get around this, we went ring shopping together and chose the ring together. I knew exactly what I was getting and having a ring I love is awesome.
I think traditionally the man gave the woman an engagement piece of jewelery (not necessarily a ring) and it was often specially commisioned or from the family jewelry collection. I know my Fiance and I were perfectly happy to pick i out together, as it was a win-win situation.
I should note thqt the engagement was still a surprise and took place about 4 months after we picked out and he bought the ring. I was still bouncing off the walls excited when we got engaged, picking it out together only made the engagement that much better!
Post # 7
Fiance picked my antique engagement ring totally on his own (the only input I got was confirming I would like something antique that wasn’t a solitaire). So yes, I trust him to buy me something I love and would wear every day. He does have excellent taste in things, and especially jewelry.
That being said, I see no reason why you can’t convey some of the things you like. Send him some links of styles (http://www.brilliantearth.com has some gorgeous antique rings). Tell him you don’t want a solitaire. He can still pick out the ring, but you can steer him to what you like
Post # 8
From the jewelry he got me so far I learned he knows what I like and he has excellent taste. When the time comes he has to pick my ring I 100% trust him and would be more than happy to wear what he got me.
Post # 9
I think you should trust him to pick it out. Fi was adamant that he should know me & love me enough to pick out the perfect ring without any help and I agreed.
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2014 - Disney
I think you should convey what you want, but trust him to the rest. I think to him its important you let him make his choice and trust him. If you cant let go now and trust how do you expect to do that married? My fiance wanted our ring to be a work together that was our choice, that isnt every couple’s choice however.
Post # 11
i told my dh what i liked and he listened (he asked me first). mind you he proposed at 3 months.
now, after nearly 4 years together, he knows me well. i would trust him to get me something i liked without asking. in fact, one of the ring threads on here had about a dozen or so celebrity ring pics. i scrolled through and picked the 2 i liked best. out of curiousity i asked my dh to do the same. he picked the exact 2 for me without any assistance.
Post # 12
@alaha: You’re not a douche. 🙂 Both my Fiance and I didn’t trust him so he went shopping with me to try on rings.
Post # 13
@alaha: Why not send one of your friends with him? You can tell him/her what you like and they can steer your BF in the correct direction.
My friend and I did this, and it worked out great! We were planning to get engaged around the same time so we went ring shopping together. I got an idea of what she liked and she got an idea of what I liked. Then when our BFs started to shop, they could (and did) use us as references. It worked out pretty well. Our BFs still picked out the ring, but we were able to point them in the right direction and make sure they didn’t get something that wasn’t to our tastes.
Post # 14
@alaha: You are completely not a douche for being picky. I am as well and I often send SO ideas of rings I would like (not all the same style) and point out what I like in each style that would make me love it. He calls me a dork, and I just reply with “I know.” and he says “….but I still love you”. I am very very very picky when it comes to jewelry and other things as well, but if I’m going to be wearing it for the rest of my life, I’d better be in love with it.
Post # 15
No. I didn’t. I don’t feel it’s anyone else’s responsibility to “get” my style. So I told him & that’s why I picked out my ring in person. He then surprised me with the proposal. It was a great compromise.
Post # 16
@Birdi: I keep telling him what I like and send him links to either online stores or even local stores where he could just drop by to see the rings for himself. He doesn’t think it would be that much of a surprise if I knew what ring I would get as I would know then that he was about to propose. He wants me to be completely clueless to when it’s going to happen…
@heathuhhhhwebbbb: You are lucky that your Fiance knows your style and taste. Mine not so much… I also know that we wouldn’t update the engagement ring at all in the future, so an upgrade is out of the question… L
@PeachSnapple: My man doesn’t even nail anything when it comes to style choices (be it clothes, furniture or accessories…). We are so completely different when it comes to that. It is great that your SO took you ring shopping, mine won’t. I like the idea of engagement jewelry! I have a family heirloom ring which I would love as a replica with a different stone but SO was not that happy with getting something commissioned.
@Glasgowbound: Your ring is absolutely gorgeous! Your Fiance does have excellent taste! Thank you for the link, they have a great selection of wonderful antique rings…
@foxandnegayo: Thank you! How did you make him take you ring shopping?
@RunsWithBears: The problem is that I wouldn’t even trust a friend to pick me the right ring. I thought about that before but there is nobody I could picture having the same taste as me. I am known as the girl with the odd taste…
If I just wasn’t that particular with what I want… For example these two rings are both gorgeous and would be what I described to him:
However, I much, much prefer ring A! The devil is in the detail but the baguette stones just do it for me… Ring B. is still a wonderful ring but I know that I would still want ring A because its details are more my taste. For an outsider, they probably just the same… Phhh… It sucks to be so picky!