(Closed) Do you trust your SO to pick out the right ring? ~ UPDATE: Ring Blackmail

posted 7 years ago in Rings
Post # 17
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I didn’t trust my Fiance to pick out something I liked, so I told him that I was really picky and asked if I could have some say. So we looked at rings together and settled on one we both really liked. If your Fiance isn’t open to that, well then you’re screwed. The ladies get to pick practically everything in this whole ordeal that is marriage and weddings – if he really wants to pick it out, I say let him. It sucks, but it will be just one compromise in a long, lifetime full of them.

Good luck and I hope he picks something you’ll love forever!

Post # 18
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
@alaha:  Your friend doesn’t have to have the same taste as you.  My girlfriend and I certainly don’t like the same things.  I wanted something simple, understated, sturdy, and 1 ct max.  She wanted a delicate, highly detailed, halo, with lots of diamonds and a center stone that was at least 1ct.  I’m sure you have to have one friend that understands your style and would know what you like.

I mean, you could show me, a complete stranger, 5 pictures of rings and I’d bet money I could help your BF pick out a ring you like.

Post # 19
923 posts
Busy bee

@alaha:   I didn’t trust him at all, I picked out my ring! I am so so crazy picky about the jewelry I wear. The only piece of jewelry I own that I actually wear and didn’t pick out myself is a simple diamond necklace on a gold chain that my grandfather gave me! Everything else I picked out 100% by myself. My Fiance wanted to pick out the ring on his own, but i explained to him my feelings about it and how terrible I would feel for him to spend all that money on something I’m not in love with. I went and looked at rings a few times on my own and when I found one I loved we went and looked together. While we were there he found another ring that he liked better and that a really liked also. I told him he could choose, but he ended up getting the original one I wanted and I love it! In the end he said that he didn’t mind me choosing the ring, because I was the one who was going to wear it and he wanted me to love it.

Post # 20
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Unfortunately, I don’t really have any advice.  I don’t think you’re crazy for worrying that he will pick out something that you don’t like. 

Based on what I’ve read on this board, my advice for all of my single guy friends is to propose within the return period for the ring and honestly discuss whether she would prefer something else unless she picked out and tried on the ring in advance.

Post # 21
9126 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I agree that if you’re picky, I’m sure your guy is already aware of that fact and is (hopefully?) including that in his plans.  There is no harm in sending him a bunch of pictures of the style you like.

When you DO get the ring, even if it’s not love at first sight, be really excited and wear it enthusiastically for a couple weeks.  You’d be surprised how quickly you become used to and LOVE that exact ring on your hand, even if it’s not exactly your style.  (It’s worth a try at least, before you starting freaking out about how you don’t like it.)

Remember that the actual engagement is the most important part  Smile  Congrats! (in advance)

Post # 22
4113 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

A lot of people also pick 3-5 rings they like and then let hte guy choose which one to buy. Talk to your man and see how he feels about you having at least some input. Discuss budget then find a couple that you both like in that price rnage and let him have the final say. Still a surprise, but you get input.

Since you want an antique ring, online stores are great, but indepedant shops that specialize in estate jewelry are great!


And I agree. I’d like ring A WAY more than Ring B – those bagettes make all the difference 🙂

Post # 23
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Make sure he’s aware that you’ve got specific tastes. Fiance was so unsure of what to get me (despite me giving him specifics) that he proposed with a beautiful sapphire ring and told me that we would be going to pick out the diamond ring together. The sapphire moved to my right hand after we found the perfect diamond for me. Perhaps you can suggest he do something similar? My proposal was a surprise, actually. I had no idea he’d designed/purchased the sapphire until he was down on one knee.

Post # 24
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
@alaha:  LOL I just asked! He is the type who didn’t want to talk about marriage and engagement too much, we just knew that it would happen and within a year or two. So I tried not to bug him too much about it. Then one day we were going to lunch with some friends in an area I knew had a lot of jewelry stores so I asked nicely, “While we’re there, can we please just look at rings?” I was surprised he agreed, haha! After visiting several store over the span of two different weekends, I found the setting that I LOVED. He went back and picked the diamond himself. I’m so glad we did it this way because the style that I always thought I wanted didn’t look how I thought it would on my finger. 

Post # 25
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I get where you’re coming from – the first ring he showed me was something that was totally not my style.  After that I became paranoid and sent him links to rings I liked.  Perhaps do that?  Another option is if for him to pick a classic solitaire and you could pick a more antique looking wedding ring.  Or to make sure he’s ok with changing the setting if need be – if he picks a good center stone, and gets a cheaper solitaire setting, you could change it for not too much.

Post # 26
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I trust SO, he’s had a good history of picking out jewelry in the past. However, he wants my input so he can be sure I’ll love it. He’s even open to me helping pick out the exact ring. So we’ll see what happens!

Post # 27
1529 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

We have completely opposite tastes so we decided to pick out the ring together.  Thank goodness my SO likes it.

I have heard more than once that it was a good thing I chose the ring or else I would not be wearing this particular ring (which I absolutely adore!). We joke about it all the time. Even our taste in furniture differs (I designed the condo and incorporated both styles – a little electic but it seems to work!) My SO is more a logical linear thinker with spatterings of artistic talent while I am less logical, more artistic so it make sense that our tastes in rings would differ.


Post # 28
6354 posts
Bee Keeper

Yes, it is traditionally a man’s job, so if he wants to pick it I would let him. It’s just a ring… how hideous could it be? The main thing is getting the man of your dreams.

Of course, if he hints he is open to your feedback, by all means, I’d suggest hinting at what you like best.

I let my Fiance take the lead on it (that was important to both of us) and he ended up asking for a lot of my feedback, which was nice, but I know I would have loved something he picked out entirely on his own as well. The symbolism counts more than the appearance.

Post # 29
3080 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@alaha:  I told him what I wanted but I didn’t go with him to buy it, so I didn’t pick it out persay. But I would be upset if he got me something I really didn’t like. Maybe just him hints? Show him some styles you like? 

Post # 30
72 posts
Worker bee


My SO isn’t your “pick up on hints” type nor would he like it if I tried to communicate this way. So I was very clear in saying, “when we get engaged, this is the ring I want,” and later I followed that up with an email detailing my preferences and sample images. He and I have totally different tastes so he references my pinterest when buying me things from sex toys to jewelry. I can only suggest being open and honest with him about your concerns, but every relationship is different.

Post # 31
1357 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Tell him to keep the receipt? It sounds like he’s mostly concerned about the surprise aspect, but you can always exchange it if you don’t like it after the proposal!

And who knows? Maybe he’ll surprise you with something you love.

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