Do you visit your Inlaws without your spouse?

posted 2 years ago in Beehive
Post # 2
Member
7923 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It’s lovely that your in-laws want to grow/maintain your relationship. We live hours’ drive to my in-laws, so Darling Husband and I always visit together. Lately when we visit, we’ve been playing various board-type games. That could be a fun thing to do together after a meal or something. 

Post # 3
Member
883 posts
Busy bee

My Mother-In-Law lives 20 minutes away and I try to visit at least twice a month (by myself). We drink tea, catch up and gossip. If you go for a weekend since she is hosting let her worry about activities.

Post # 4
Member
9485 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

No and I wouldn’t. They are lovely but I’d be bored out of my mind visiting them without my husband. It’s an 8 hour drive and just seems really unnecessary, I’d rather visit my own family if I had the time.

Post # 5
Member
727 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I would never in a million years go see My husbands parents alone. His father is quiet unless he’s had a drink and I have a hard time handling his mother on some days (though she is a sweet lady). 

Darling Husband will go over to my parents place and help them out with the yard work etc, have a meal with them if I’m not there. (We live much closer to my parents). 

It sounds like they’re just trying to support you. Why not give it a go just to try it? You never know. 

Post # 6
Member
2349 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Would you have to stay the whole weekend? I would feel uncomfortable with that but I do have anxiety 

Post # 7
Member
5906 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’m really close with my inlaws and have relationships with all of them outside of my relationship with my husband. We’ve also got a lot of mutual interests so when we speak, we talk about those things. It felt a bit uncomfortable at first but those conversations helped forge some really sweet connections and I know that if at some point in the future my husband and I were no longer romantically involved, I’d still be part of this family and love this group of people.

If I were you, I’d go for a short visit to start (just a couple/three days so you know you don’t have to be “on” long) and also look into some “touristy” type outings you might be able to do so there’s less pressure on something great having to happen with them during the trip. Give yourself a bit of time to learn more about them and get a chance to see if you actually like them or click with them as people separate from your husband.

Post # 8
Member
1886 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

My fiancé’s parents live a 5 hour drive away so the only time I’ve visited them without him was when I had car trouble and got stuck in their town overnight. Luckily I was able to stay with them. However, I visit his aunts and uncles, in the town we live on and in his home village, without him and it’s never been awkward.

Post # 9
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Chula Vista Golf course

I do, but we also have an almost 3 year old. So it sounds usually so she can seem him. I have gone there once alone, and she’s comes to see us every now and then. We also talk on the phone every day-again, so she’s can talk to her grandson, but his attention span leaves something to be desired lol. So once he finishes “talking” she and I chat for a bit. 

Post # 10
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee

my in laws don’t even have my contact information. lol. they are perfectly nice, but i am not interested in cultivating a relationship with them.

Post # 11
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I don’t think the issue comes down to visiting them alone as such, so much as just what your relationship is with them in the first place.

 

My Fiance is military and when he was deployed I’d see his family alone, ILs, nieces, nephews, I was invited to his aunt’s 70th. But they’re all great and I was happy/grateful to be included. 

Fiance is home right now but I took his mum to dinner (got her on the cocktails no less!) when he and his dad had a concert to go to.

If you don’t connect as people, then you don’t; I don’t think it comes down to seeing them without your other half present necessarily but just ensure that isn’t a mental barrier. I agree that having some activities planned might create talking points and take the pressure off a little.

Post # 12
Member
13484 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Nope. I don’t enjoy going when Darling Husband is there, and it would be worse if I were alone. My inlaws aren’t particularly nice to me so it should come as no surprise to them that I wouldn’t visit if I were in the area.

Post # 13
Member
9002 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

sweetteawifey :  I have stayed with my in-laws a few times alone. But I like my in-laws. My Mother-In-Law and I are going on a cruise together next year, one of those 4 day ones, because she wanted to try out cruising without signing on for a 7+ days cruise. NHer partner couldn’t go due to work so I said why not!

Post # 14
Member
1775 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

sweetteawifey :  My husband visits my parents / his in-laws when I’m not there all the time. They only live about 20 minutes from us, and they dote on him lol. He has a great relationship with them so he’ll pop up to help them with something or just to spend some time. I don’t visit my in laws ever, and certainly wouldn’t without Darling Husband, because we don’t have a great relationship.

ETA. I think that it’s very sweet of your in laws to reach out to you while your Darling Husband can’t be here. I would go and take it as an opportunity to get to know them better.

Post # 15
Member
9097 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i think it depends on your relationship.  it is nice that they want to have a relationship with you while your Darling Husband is deployed.

both of my husband’s parents are deceased.  2 weekends ago, my husband had to work.  i was taking my son to the zoo, so i invited his aunt and uncle to join us. we had a great time.

 

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