Do you visit your Inlaws without your spouse?

posted 2 years ago in Beehive
Post # 16
1221 posts
Bumble bee

I feel uncomfortable left alone with my partners parents even if my partner just goes to the bathroom. My partner on the other hand has lunch with my parents regularly without me.

I think it’s one of those things that you jsut suck it up and go there for dinner. Since you have no probelms other than not being close due to distance. Eat food, small talk and then go home.

Post # 17
621 posts
Busy bee

I spend time with Mother-In-Law without my husband (even before we were married) and I wouldn’t say we have a ton in common or I have the best time ever when I do but I do it because she enjoys catching up. I was a little unsure the first time we hung out but it wasn’t as bad as I thought  

I understand it would be a weekend affair because they live so far away but I would do it at least once and see how it goes. I’m sure they miss their son and would find some comfort from your visit. 

Post # 18
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

We’ve both gone to each other’s parents alone, but usually it’s so they can see the kids, and whichever one of us isn’t there drops in later in the day. I would feel a bit awkward visiting my Mother-In-Law alone, because she never lets me help around the house so I’d just sit around while she fixes me dinner – but if I had to for whatever reason, I’d invent something to do, like a shopping trip or catching a show together.

If your husband is deployed, that does change things – maybe they’re lonely, worried, or want to catch up on whatever news you have from him. Would be nice of you to visit, but if you’re not that close, maybe you can come up with plans that will get you out of the house for part of the day.

Post # 19
9097 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I like them well enough, but nope. There’s a language barrier and they live across the country. 

Post # 20
2637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I never spend time with the IL’s unless Darling Husband is there. I’m quite quiet though and it would make me very uncomfortable. Your situation sounds unique though since your Darling Husband is away. I think they are trying to support you and bond, and it’s harder to do that since your Darling Husband isn’t around all the time. Are they close enough to go for just one night? I think I’d try that and see how it goes.

Post # 21
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

We live a few hours drive from my Mother-In-Law, so I wouldn’t go by myself. My Father-In-Law is less than an hour away, but I still don’t go see him without my fiance. I don’t have the type of relationship that I would go visit either one without him. 

My fiance is the same with my parents, although he will call my mom occasionally to ask her something.

Post # 22
1492 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Before we got married Darling Husband was military and on a few occasions I went to his dad & stepmom’s house for dinner without him. Once when the whole family was over and I met a few relatives I hadn’t yet. Yeah, it was awkward but not overly bad, they tried to make me feel included. Dinner would be fine but I couldn’t imagine spending the night or a weekend with them without my Darling Husband.

Post # 23
9244 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Nope and I wouldn’t, even though we are friendly.

I wouldn’t be opposed to going to lunch or something with them if we didn’t see them often, but traveling out of state? No thanks lol.

Post # 24
35 posts

My future in laws live about 30 mins away. I see them quite often without my partner. I don’t even particularly know why, because I clash with his mum quite often. 

I basically sit around the house, or she teaches me felting/knitting/whatever else she thinks I’ll need for married life… -_- 

Me and my partner work alternate weekends, and the opposite weekend of each other. So I’ll see my family then see his. 

Post # 25
9769 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t normally.  I did once stay the weekend with Mother-In-Law and 2 of my DH’s sibling without my Darling Husband because he had to work.  But my oldest was 1.5 then so she really just wanted to see the kid.  I would have probably skipped it if it was just me. My parents live 1 hr from us and if my Darling Husband is in town for work sometimes he stops by on his own.  But he jokes that he likes my parents better than his.  If it’s really important to her, I’d probalby go and see how it goes, maybe 2 nights max.  You never know, it might be fun or a decent time.  Just bring some books to read.  

Post # 26
893 posts
Busy bee

I have a good relationship with my Mother-In-Law so yes. We also talk on the phone every few weeks for a few hours. I travel for work a lot so sometimes I am in their state without Darling Husband and I go a visit for a day or so. I would just go and see how it goes if you can. They prob just really miss their son and want to see you to feel closer to him. 

Post # 28
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969 - City, State

We live in different countries, but I’m pretty close with my in-laws.  I do go back home on my own often, and I always make a point to have dinner with them, or spend a day with them (they are divorced but remain friends so we hang out together).  The last time I went back, I stayed with FIL for the entire weekend.  I’ve traveled internationally with Mother-In-Law alone, and we had such a blast.  They treat me like a daughter, and they’ve become like a second set of parents to me, so I definitely enjoy seeing them and spending time with them. 

Post # 29
2222 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

Actually, I’m going over to their house this afternoon by myself. Future Mother-In-Law has the most amazing assortment of Christmas decorations I have EVER seen, and she offered me some of the stuff she doesn’t use anymore. I’ve also offered to cat sit for her previously, as FH thinks her kitty is possessed. 

That being said, they live less than 10 minutes from our house. There is no way I would travel to spend time with them, unless it was somewhere I either had other friends or wanted to visit independent of them.

 If you do decide to go, I’d say take personal mementos with you. Like, if the point is to get to know you, let them do that. Take old yearbooks, baby photos, videos if you have them. I know it seems kind of strange to suggest, but it is one way to let them feel like they understand you a bit better.  Also, games are your friend. Apples to Apples or a card game can give you an activity to enjoy together and help get you past that awkwardness.

And make SURE you have access to a car. Look at Yelp and find at least one restaurant you would like to try. Go shopping or to a museum while you’re there. Make plans to spend some alone time in case you need to decompress. 

Post # 30
1314 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I don’t, but I could definitely see myself doing an activity with Future Mother-In-Law such as lunch, nails, or shopping.

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