Do you visit your Inlaws without your spouse?

posted 2 years ago in Beehive
Post # 31
Member
1320 posts
Bumble bee

No, not anymore. My Mother-In-Law has gotten significantly more difficult and rude over the last year or so and even to the point where she has yelled at me for no reason in front of family and has never apologized for her actions even though people told her it was wrong. So I don’t make the effort anymore. If she was a nicer person and even if I wasn’t super close with her, I’d visit if she asked me to. But I can’t tolerate rudeness, disrespect, and belligerence from someone.

Post # 32
Member
5959 posts
Bee Keeper

I probably wouldn’t drive to another state/province, but I have seen my ILs without H. I work really close to their house, so when they need him to pick up/drop off something, its just easier for me to do it. So I will go and stay for a few minutes and chat, but thats about it. 

Post # 33
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee

Oh hells no! 

Post # 34
Member
1847 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

 I totally agree with hikingbride. I love DH, and my in laws are sweet and great, but I’d rather spend extra time with my family. I think it would be really awkward to spend the day alone with my in laws, much less a longer span of time. I’m hopeful that over time I’ll grow closer to them and we can spend time together alone without it feeling awkward, but I wouldn’t push/force it. I did go to my SIL’s bridal shower with all of his family by myself, and it wasn’t too bad, but I’m still kind of an outsider to them.

Post # 35
Member
2454 posts
Buzzing bee

Kind of? Lol 

My Mother-In-Law lives about an hour away so we usually go over for family meals about twice a month. We text/call about little things every now and then. 

Sometimeswhen we go over there his Mother-In-Law and I will go out and do something separate together. Like movies, craftshows, lunch, etc. 

We actually used to do alot more activities together with my mom. So my mom, his mom, and then me, but my mother moved. 

It can be awkward at times but we have a good relationship and I know that if anything ever happened between Darling Husband and I we would still be close. 

I would try it out at least once. Something can be said about having a good relationship with your in-laws and they are just trying to include you while your husband is away. I think it’s really sweet and thoughtful honestly. 

Post # 36
Member
633 posts
Busy bee

sweetteawifey :  This is something that I am struggling with a bit too!!  Although my future ILs only live about a fifteen minute walk away from us.  My Future Mother-In-Law really wants for us to get to know me better and wants for us to be close.  She asked Fiance what gym I go to in hopes that she could join me at the gym sometime.  That was when I realized I need to reach out to her and make plans to do something with her soon, to give her that opportunity.  It makes me nervous to do something without Fiance there, but I know that she is going to be my Mother-In-Law very soon, and I need to have a strong relationship with her.

Post # 37
Member
6867 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think it’s sweet they want you to come visit, they obviously value you as a part of their family. I think it you didn’t like them or get along that would be one thing, but not having a relationship due to distance isn’t really going to change if you don’t put in the effort.

Darling Husband and I live about 8 hours from almost all of his immediate family. We typically go to his parents every year for Christmas together, and then I would generally go at least 1-2 other times a year on my own since Darling Husband travels for work most of the year.

Post # 38
Member
2645 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

We live in the same city as my in-laws (20-30 minutes drive away), so any time I spend with them is basically a few hours here and there.

Every year, my Mother-In-Law and SILs try to do a girl’s night where we go out for dinner and to the movies – I’m always invited along and do try to go when I can. I occasionally babysit for my SIL, which involves me going to her house alone if Darling Husband is busy. We’ll usually have a chat before she has to go or after she comes home (or both lol). I’ve attended a few baby/bridal showers that have been women only. I’ve been shopping with one of my SILs a few times. We all have very different schedules, so they don’t even hang out with each other alone all that much.

Post # 40
Member
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My in laws live in another country, and we rarely see them. Very sweet mother in law, though we don’t have a ton to talk about due to a language barrier. His dad is super stoic, not much to talk about.

I actually  met them at the wedding as we couldn’t travel across borders to see them. Second time I met them, my son was off school on a Wednesday and I had PTO to kill. Husband had a work project, couldn’t make it till Friday. So he sent us up on Wednesday morning to hang with the family for 2 days (second time I met them, remember? outside the 5 days I saw them at our wedding). till he got there. 

I mean, it went fine and all…but no joke, I was climbing the walls to get some wine when we finally met up with hubby. It was my first time in Canada, and I didn’t know much about where you buy wine and stuff. 

So I tried to pass it off like I desperately needed some snacks as I frantically googled wine. Told my Mother-In-Law and hubby I needed to run out down the street quick before it closed in 20 minutes since I was super hungry (was late at night and I didn’t want my new, sweet, non-drinking Mother-In-Law to know I desperately needed a barrel of wine after 2 days with them. Nice and all, but stresstful AF).

Husband was like “the store closes in 20 minutes? that’s weird at 9 pm downtown”. Mother-In-Law asked where I was going, and I said “oh, just want to get a few things at this store called LBCO down the street”

And that’s the way that I found out that Toronto only sells wine at government stores – by the odd look my Mother-In-Law gave me as I tried to pass off I was going out to buy some pretzels at the liquor store

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